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Having suicidal thoughts again...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by ANightDude, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. ANightDude

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    I've come on here several times asking for help with this, and until recently, it's helped and has been great. Life was going smoothly, but maybe I was fooling myself. As many of you know, I have depression, but I figured I was out of it. Then just a few weeks ago it all came crashing down. I realized my life seems so pointless. I'm not going anywhere. I'm a disappointment to my mother. My dreams can't cone true. I was told today that, "Of course dreams don't come true. Realistic dreams do." And that hit me hard. My life is full of dreams, full of wishing and wonder. Im an imaginative teenager, it's what I do. But no matter how hard I try, I cant be that person I want to be.

    Everything seems so pointless again. I really have only a few things that are keeping me going. My friends and family. I know they care, and I can't do that to them. Hope for the future also, and just a little hope in me that something will come along to keep me going, keep me strong. My prayers haven't been answered, and I suppose they won't be. I'm destined to spend my life as miserable while I make everyone else smile. As long as their happy, I suppose. I love making people happy. So maybe that's all I'll do now. Keep living this awful life to make everyone else smile.
     
  2. ThePug

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    Dreams can only become reality if you try.
     
  3. Tiny Catastrophe

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    I know exactly what you're saying. I also have depression and get in the down moods a lot. It seems like you just hit a rough spot at the moment but keep your head up and things will fall back into place soon enough. A positive mindset does wonders and if you ever need to talk you can message me :slight_smile:. Hope that helped a bit
     
  4. VentinIntrovert

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    I do believe that dreams don't come true, it they did it would be called dreams. However something that is attainable is life are goals. Dream is never fantasy, however goals are things that require action to attain success. Live you life with goals, not dreams and you won't be disappointed.

    I may not seem to relate to how you are feeling at the moment, but I think I can say that there are always rough times. I've never been a optimistic person but rather a pessimist. The way I see it, is that you've been through alot and have suffered way too long to give up just now. You have incredible courage as you've held on for this long. It's tough be different and to be who we are. But it's not worth given up now, all of your efforts would have gone to waste. I believe in you man...

    Push a little harder and your patience will pay off. One day you will find a friend just in your position and would be the happiest person alive. Good luck!
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! (*hug*)

    First off, I'm pretty sure you are not a disappointment to your mom and your life is not pointless. You will not end up having a miserable life. All the things you do, and it doesn't matter what they are, are helping you to be the person you want to be and are also helping you to move forward.

    Sometimes, we hit roadblocks and don't know where to go or how to move forward. Those are the times, where you should talk to your friends, family and/or a counselor so that you can keep moving forward and work on the things that you need to work on. Talk to a friend. Every time you feel things start becoming pointless, call a friend and just ask 'hey, can we talk?' or 'meet up?'

    You know you can do it. You already had a couple of weeks where things have been great and you felt things are looking up. Every time you feel things are slowing down or things become pointless, think about the things that have allowed you to move forward. Keep doing those things that reinforce a positive feeling, and it doesn't matter what they were or are.

    Having dreams is fine and in some ways beneficial because some dreams can be converted into realistic goals that you can keep working on and try achieving them. Think about the dreams that you had or have, and pick one or two where you can say to yourself, 'that could be a long term goal that I could try achieving.'

    The more you do things that provide you with a sense of happiness, and accomplishment the more you will feel that your life is moving forward. It is great that you are making others smile, but also remember that you also deserve to smile and to be happy. Keep working on the things that have allowed you to feel that your life was going smoothly over the last little while. Reconnect with those things. Maybe try making an appointment with a counselor too.

    Things will get better. (*hug*)
     
  6. Danny19

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    hey i so get you, i have depression as well. You just feel like there is no point to keep lliving like this. Honestly i have been close to ending it. But something just clicks and stops me. I know u feel down, but try to keep moving. Thats wat im doing. Its hard, i know, but what i try telling myself is that i was sent here for a reason. There are people out there that love u. We are still young, lets see what life has to offer us. :wink:
     
  7. pteen

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    in the 5th - 6th grade i was in your exact situation. But i really do think you have a lot of pottential, dreams do come true some just take a while to come true i've been fixed on a dream a while and i'm not even close to achiving it, but little by little i get closer and closer:icon_wink

    but i try to celebrate the good things in life rather than ponder over the disapointing factors in life. I'm not trying to tell you that it's gonna happen over night though. You've done pretty good so far :thumbsup: i just think you should keep striving to meet your goals you'll definately make it there eventually i'm sure.:slight_smile:

    (*hug*)(&&&)
     
  8. dude99

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    I understand how you feel. I got depression as well. Life can really suck. But maybe your life would be better than mine, as you are only young and got your life ahead of you and I am old.
     
  9. Davo

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    Don't give up on your dreams. You can make them come true, you just have to keep going the way you're going. I've been exactly where you are, and I did the same thing, just living for other people. But if you keep trying, keep aiming for your goals, eventually something will click for you. Making everyone else smile will one day make you smile, and you will have something worth living for. Even now if its just a dream of a happy life, you have that to work towards. Keep going, the people around you will love you for how you make them happy, don't worry about disappointing your mother, just be proud of yourself.

    Find whatever you can to keep yourself happy, sometimes hopes and dreams will be enough. You are a good person because you care about your family and friends and you want to make them happy, that attitude will get you far in life, and good things will come to you soon. Trust me, things can get better, you can have the life you want, you just need to keep going.
     
  10. x2x2x2x2y2

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    Wow. Your post really sums up EXACTLY how I feel. Life can be really tough but you gotta keep pushing forward. One thing that my friend keeps telling me, and that I'm slowly learning, is that YOU CAN'T LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR OTHERS. You gotta do what makes YOU happy. I too like having the people around me happy, but you can't let yourself be miserable in the process. Sometimes you gotta put your happiness first, especially when you're this deep in depression.

    As for everything being pointless, well you shouldn't look at it that way. Life is all about the ride and the best part is that you have control of where you want it to go. You're only 16, things will get better if you see it that way. No matter what you gotta hold on to hope.

    I too am a dreamer. There's so many things I want to grow up and do or be. And the people around me have told me that it's "not realistic" or that "it'll never happen". But I don't give a damn what they say because they don't see the world like I do.

    No matter what, keep hope. And if you ever wanna talk, I'm here.
     
  11. Lexington

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    Believe it or not, nothing has changed. Well, one thing has - your perception. And your perception, as you describe it, is pretty much textbook depression. And like a bunch of other people here, I've been there. I know the feelings of disappointment, of despair, of the absolute belief that nothing is worth it, all that.

    But since I'm no longer in the depression, I can also state that those feelings aren't correct. At all.

    Right now, your brain is feeding you some bad info. It happens. We've all seen a coin on the ground and stepped on it, thinking it was a bug. Your brain just misinterpreted the input it got. Or kind of like when you've got a bad cold, and you catch a high-grade fever. You feel like it's extremely warm, even if it's rather cold. And right now, the same type of thing is happening. You're getting all the data correctly, but you're interpreting it wrong.

    So what can you do? Well, it ain't easy. It's not like if you tell a guy with a fever "It's actually cold outside", he'll start feeling cool again. He might rationally know and understand that it's cold outside, but he'll still feel warm. And that feeling tends to override the logic center. You're going to have to work on (if I can extend the metaphor) getting the fever down. You have to work on getting beyond the depression. You CAN do this alone, but it's really slow work, and will probably take longer and be tougher. It's much better if you bring some people on board.

    So do it. Start with your friends and family. Anybody you can trust. Let them know what's going on. You don't have to spell out everything. But tell them you're going through a tough time right now, and you need to work on getting your head on straight. Tell them how much you appreciate them, and that you might need to talk to them from time to time - not for specific help so much as a distraction. Because being social with people we like is an excellent distraction. :slight_smile:

    Next, talk to your doctor. S/he will probably give you a test or two, to try to determine how deep this thing is. S/he might suggest therapy or medication or a combination of the two. I've done both. They both helped me greatly. So go in with an open mind to give this stuff a chance. Even with therapy and/or medication, it'll take some time for some results to really show. Give it that chance.

    And as an added bit of advice, hold on to that imagination. I'm 40 years old, and I still spend a lot of time in the daydream world. Not because I hate my life, but because it's fun there, too. Keep recording your huge hit songs, or starring in those blockbuster movies, or being the best President of the US, or slaying those dragons, or whatever you do in your daydreams. No, not all dreams come true. That doesn't make them worthless. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  12. Swamp56

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    What Lex said is great advice.
     
  13. D_Alejandro

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    I know how you feel. I went through this problem this past year. Nothing is going to change if you keep thinking negative. NOTHING. Trust me on that one. You will only descend deeper and deeper into the well of depression. Life can seem pointless and useless at times, but find something to do to make it seem otherwise. What are some of your goals? Hobbies? Keep your mind occupied at all times with activities. Read books, play games, hang out with friends, TVs, movies, blogging, poetry, MUSIC, anything! I know you can do it. It's possible. And never say NEVER. You can achieve anything you want to as long as you work hard and keep your eyes on the prize. Nobody said life was going to be easy...and whoever did needs to be slapped. Try to be happy. Focus on what you have, not on what you don't have. I know it's hard to be happy, but it's all in your mind. The mind is more powerful than we think it is...and it can either make you or break you.

    Are you on medications? Are you seeing a psychotherapist? Take it one day at a time. You can do it. I promise. It may seem impossible, I know, but it's not. Life is all about struggles, and it is up to us to figure out how to overcome those struggles and obstacles and emerge stronger in the end. I have faith in you. <3