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Support a friend!

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by tiffin84, Sep 16, 2007.

  1. tiffin84

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    Hi guys,

    I have noticed for a while now that something has been "eating" my friend. But he is such a private person, he did not want to share and I was sure no-one was causing him harm so I let it be.
    Boy was I bowled over when I received an email from him (he's currently 5,000 miles away) saying that he is gay! I know this is a huge thing for him. Once I pinched myself and was sure I had actually read this, I actually felt really happy for him! I know coming out is a huge thing, it is very scary especially not knowing how things will change, but it is also a wonderful thing. To finally allow yourself to be you.

    He asked me to give a simple response to say if I was ok with this or not and said we would talk about it when he comes home. I replied with "I love you". I hope that was simple enough!
    So he comes home next Saturday (Sept 22nd). Now I am at a loss as to where to go from here! I already have one best friend who is gay, he came out to a few people when he was 13/14 and has been openly so since he started college, so I am new at this! I am going to talk to him about it this week, but I was just wondering does anyone else have a couple of pointers for me? How to support my friend?

    Any help is much appreciated!

    ~T
     
  2. Psych!

    Psych! Guest

    You could obviously be a good "crying shoulder" if you know what I mean. Everyone needs someone to confide in and feel comfortable enough with to share their feelings. You can also be supportive, and kinda help him be open and feel comfortable with himself.

    Basically, just be the good friend you already are, there's not much difference than there was before. It's nice to see you're worried about how to help him. There's not much people willing to do that.

    Oh, and welcome to EC.
     
  3. Kibuki kid

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    Welcome to EC! Its great that your trying to support you friend, all you need to do is to be a supportive as possible (which you're alredy obviusly doing) and to help him come out at a pace that he's most comfortable. You all ready register on the grat friend for being so supportive so keep it up!
     
  4. Bryan

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    That is so great that you are trying to support your friend, more people should be like you, anyway, just tell him that you still, of course, still love him, and that his sexuality would never affect your friendship. Also, this is a tough time in his life, so as exjaxter said, you should be a crying shoulder, and be there to support him. Giving him his space, and being supportive is the best thing you can do.
    -Bryan
    PS- if you want, you can direct him to this website, when I came out to my best friend, she was supportive, but couldn't answer a lot of questions that the people on EC could.
     
  5. hi welcome to EC

    to me it sounds like ur already doing it, just be there for him and be the good friend that u seem to be.
     
  6. tiffin84

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    Space, support, shoulder and you guys. Got it!
    Thank you (*hug*)

    Did anyone ever say or do anything really stupid when you shared with them?
     
  7. "your such a fag" that one was thrown around by the friends i told. queer ass, etc. but idk, i guess it was/is the humor we have. kinda sick actually.....:frowning2: i dont recommned it.
    congratulations for being such a wonderful friend!!! Basically everyones said it all! just be a good friend (continue on!) XD XD wish i had friends like you!
     
  8. Revealed

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    As everyone else has already said, just be supportive & the most important thing....listen to him. Let him talk & get things off his chest. When I came out to 2 of my friends, I had so many thoughts & feelings burried inside, that I just talked and talked about it all. I was so gratefull that my friends took an active interest & listened to me. It showed me that they cared, & also took away my fear of them 'freaking out'.

    If he's comfortable talking about it, joke around & ask if he ever liked any guys that you both knew? My 2 friends started going through yearbooks pointing out their crushes, so I joined in & did the same. There was no judgement or anything, just playing around & having a laugh.

    Just be yourself around him & I'm sure he'll be happy with that.:thumbsup:
     
  9. winter89

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    Like everyone else said, just be there for him. That's all anyone wants is to know that they have someone they can be themselves around. If only every friend was as great as you...
     
  10. Jim1454

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    It sounds like you'll know what to do. It might be helpful to bring up the topic... once coming out, you're friend likely will want to talk about it, but may not be sure that you are comfortable talking about it. Offer to talk about it if he wants to.

    Introducing him to your other friend might also be helpful. I know I appreciated having other gay guys to talk to, who had been through a similar situation as me.
     
  11. Tom

    Tom Guest

    first things first u spound like an amazin friend and u should be proud of tht fact, ur going out of ur way and actually finding the best way 2 go forwards from tht point wich 2 me is the best thing a friend could ever do so congrats.

    now about ur friend dont act any differently around him, greet him how u would normally and when ur with him if u see a cute guy point him out, always fun and just be cheery round him, stick up for him but no more thn u normally wud else ppl tht pick on him for bein gay, god i hope there are none for him, will see that as he needs a girl 2 defend him let him take care of them but make sure he knows ur there and if its needed you will help him out and w/e happens ull always be there to support him. and dont pressure him into anything like comin out or dont introduce him 2 other gay guys for romantic purposes it cud get awkward. and u cant let any1 else know about this! its upto him alone to tell ppl until he decides enough is enough and is open about his sexuality with everyone then he mite even appreciate you telling some ppl.

    mainly just be therefor him, always make sure that if he needs you then u can get to him or atleast talk 2 him sumhow, coming out can be a hard time for ppl and if theres one friend supporting him like i believe you will, it will make all the difference.


    and yeh welcome 2 ec 2, hope 2 see u and ur friend on here!
     
  12. Perrygay

    Perrygay Guest

    The "I love you" response that you gave him is probably the sweetest thing I've ever heard. Believe me, that meant more to him than you could possibly imagine; I know from experience.
     
  13. SpikySpice

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    Awww, it is very nice of you:slight_smile:, and I m sure you already supported him by accepting him and saying that you still love him dosent matter who he is

    When coming out, the person will have lot emotional issure, they will break down sometimes without any reason, you need to be there, and be a crying shoulder, or a wall for he to leans if needed like everybody said above

    Both you and him are new to this, so you need to do some research about gay and homo, because sometimes he may be freaked out again, and feel guilty for being gay, that happen to lots of people, and you and him willl need to understand that it's ok

    Some peopel may treat him differently than before he came out, they may be supportive, but some will be rude, and so you'll back him up,but i think it wont be too bad, i think he can help himself too

    Hmmm, sometimes, when two people are close to each other, both or one of them started to like the other person physically, but i think you can manage this
     
  14. tiffin84

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    So, coming out is kinda like being a teenager :bang: all over again?! Well, I guess all the self doubt never really ends until we accept ourselves.
    I know there are lots of closed minded grassholes out there and they will always cause trouble and heartache for people - this I am prepared for. But I never thought about feeling guilty.

    He already kinda knows my friend. I hope it is ok with both of them to talk about it. Some time. But you are right drazarian, it is up to him to share. So I shan't talk with him about it until my friend is ready/ok with it.