*A Court Jew was a Jewish financier under the employ and protection of a nobleman. They enjoyed special social rights and freedoms only so long as their patron was alive. I admit I have been feeling a bit like one for a while in the sense that I feel dependent upon the few I have "come out" to ease my isolation and "protect" me from social backlash. It makes one feel weary and ill at ease that if your "patron" abandons you, you would be alone and forced to return to the ghetto, or in this case the closet.
I feel much the same way. Right now, the only friend at my college that knows about me had to take emergency leave from school b/c her mother is dying from cancer and doesn't have much longer to live. When she was here, she and I would talk about my issues over my sexuality and thus I had some sort of outlet. Now she is gone for the semester and I don't have anyone to talk to so I feel like I've gone back into the closet. It's caused me some depression and anxiety, but I'll get over it with time I guess.
It's scary to think about trying to do this on my own... i've been real lucky that every one i've told so far has supported me. At least none of us on EC really have to go it alone. We all have one another.
I don't like to think about it that way. After you come out to some peple, you begin to gain a lot of self confidence and once you accept yourself 100%, you don't feel the need to hide yourself from anyone anymore and you can just take it easy :icon_bigg I believe that at some point you will be strong enough to just disregard all the hate/discrimination towards you and just live the life that makes you happy. Of course, it's a long path (I'm just at the beginning myself), but I am optimistic at this point
Hmm. What do you mean by a foreign place? I do agree with you, but in my case its a college that would kick me out if they found out and thats why I felt "protected" from a backlash (not social, but rule oriented) with having my best friend know.
A generally new place, such as new school, city, college, etc. I keep in the closet for the sake of simplicity. I don't want to risk any existing friendships or cause myself any more anxiety.
I do the same thing generally, like you said for the sake of simplicity. However I don't have anyone that can help me with it so I can't relate much in that aspect.