The past couple of days have been pure hell for me. On Saturday I was outed at work by my coworker. This woman, a coworker who I was friends with on Facebook started to show off my profile and pics to people at work on her iPhone. One picture was of me and my bf in P-town. Some of the people she showed are not even on FB. One coworker came up and told me that she was showing off my profile to a number of people in the showroom (during work hours). I asked her if she was showing off my profile and she denied it and told me that other people had showed her my profile. She also said that what I did on my time was my business. I thought I would drop it. After that I went in the showroom and 3 other people told me the same thing and a couple of them told me that she was sick and f-ed up. After work that night, I was a mess. I was shaking and very upset. I was not upset that my coworkers found out that I am gay but the fact that someone blatantly showed my profile and pics to my coworkers. I decided that my manager and the general manager should be made aware of the situation. Yesterday I talked to my direct manager and he told me that he saw my pics and did not think any different of me. Then he tells me that if I didn't want everyone to know my business I should have not posted the pics. I told him my problem was that she showed everyone and was inferring things. I then proceeded to tell the gm and he basically told me the same thing. He told me that he heard that I met someone and was very happy for me. Again he told me that I should have not posted the pics if I did not want it to be made public. I then told him that others came to me and commented that the whole thing was sick of her to do. He then said that it was people that are jealous of her. Both managers felt that she did not act maliciously. To her credit, she is a great salesperson and is one of out top sales people. She has enemies because of things she has done to others. My gm then said if I wanted, he would give her a written warning, but felt it was too harsh. I told him that I needed to mull it over. After the meeting, my manager said I should drop it because I would not want to be seen as a whinnier. After the meetings the receptionist came to me and told me that the woman that outed me was talking crap about me. Right now I feel so messed up. Part of me wants report her and have her disciplined, and the other part wants to let it go and move on. Today at work I tried to just ignore my feelings and work. Then throughout the day fellow coworkers came up to me and told me the woman that outed me was wrong and they were on my side. A couple said good for me that I am happy and it does not matter who I love. I don't know I feel overwhelmed with emotions.
If i were you, I'd report her. What she was doing is wrong, and it'll probably just get worse if you don't nip it in the bud.
It sounds like he's tried reporting it. I mean...if your GM won't help and it's still bothering you, go higher. That's all you can do.
To get the finger-wagging out of the way... One of the reasons I nudge people to come out - and I nudged you to come out at work - was specifically to avoid situations like this. Where you're not at all in control of the situation. Because, as you're discovering, it sucks to have to wait to see what happens. And secondly, the only way to keep your FB stuff private is to not give anyone access to it. You can't simply hope they won't show/tell anybody else, or even ask that they won't. Yeah, if they were nice, they wouldn't. And if people were nice, I wouldn't have to lock my car. Assume everybody can see your profile, and don't put anything there you don't want the world to know. OK, speeching over. Now what? Honestly, I'd let it ride. Completely. For one thing, everybody (other than this woman) appears to be on your side. Secondly, if you report her, you're basically sending a message that your sexuality is something that SHOULD be kept a secret. Not just private, but a secret. If you let it drop, you're sending a different message - "Yeah, I'm gay. BFD." And I think that's precisely the message you should be sending. Letting it drop removes all the power from the information. Nobody whispers "Ed had a chicken sandwich for lunch!" behind your back because that bit of information isn't worth anything. If you don't mind who knows about your sexuality at work (anymore), you've moved that bit of info on the same level as the chicken sandwich. Unfriend her on FB if you want, but illegitimi non carborundum. Lex
I have to side with your DM on this. If you dont want people to find you, be aware of what you post online. People can be morons, as this woman has proved. Before I was out, I never had ANY info online that linked to the 'real' me. Never once had an issue. As is stands now, all of my profile is blocked and my email isn't search able on facebook search. the only way to 'add' me and see any info is if i give you the direct link. although, i've always never trusted anyone, and thats not likely to change
Well, its up to u. but maybe the reason she is doing this to you is because she is jealous of you because you have someone that loves you and you love and you seem so happy. And she probably doesnt have anyone. So in my opinion just ignore her, i know it can be hard and annoying, but just try. If she keeps it up then try again and tell your managers. Hope evrything works out!!
wow sounds like a weird stalker fedish...hope things work out...let us know what happens...im interested in hearing if this women keeps this kind of unusual behavior up..:eek:
Ed dont report her it will go so badly for you shes a top seller the management like her, they are telling you to drop it or it will look bad on you....... oh dear redundancy's..oh whats this Ed top of the pile to go... see ... it sounds a very un-supportive place to work tbh... the whole " i wont think of you any different" ...yea but what do they think of you? :S she has no right to out you ..why else would she be showing your stuff if not to out you...bitch . dont rock the boat Ed .. but at same time i think you could use a better place to work. last tiem we talked i recall you were looking to find anotehr job...or im mistaken i dont know..eitehr way it dont sound like a happy relationship there wishi could help but all i can manage is (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)
Well, now the whole "coming out at work" thing is out of the way eh? The genie's out of the bottle. The toothpaste is out of the tube. The milk is already spilled. So, you might as well go with it. And, I guess this is a valuable lesson about posting things on Facebook. If you want it to stay private, you don't put it on the internet in any way, shape, or form, period. If you put the pics of you and your BF on Facebook, people are going to see them. That's just how this works.
Well its obvious they won't disipline her like your managers said shes a " she is a great salesperson and is one of out top sales people. " They need her. Either you can confront her yourself, or you can outsale her lol, THEN get her disiplined.
I'm with the team that says let it be. Was it a jerk thing to do? Probably, yes. And she seems like an unpleasant person. However, Facebook isn't private - it's a site where you publicly post photos and info about yourself. Anything put on there I expect will be seen not just by my friends, but frankly everybody. So, to get mad that she was showing stuff from your Facebook site, well, it was put out in public already. As for getting her disciplined - I suspect that the whole thing will backfire. Based on the type of person she is, if she gets disciplined (and she'll obviously know who did it), she will come back with a vengeance on you. Coworkers who decide to destroy you usually find a way to do so - so I would say let it be. Also, as Lex says, demanding she be disciplined is an admission that your sexuality is something that separates you out from other people - it puts a barrier between you and your other coworkers, and I don't think that's how you want to be seen ("oh, let's tread carefully around him, he's gay so we have to watch what we say") - nothing good can come from that, and it won't breed acceptance, it'll breed resentment. Sorry for the harshness - but I think there are some battles you just have to let slide.
Thanks guys. I decided to let it go. I agree with Lex if I go to hr its going to look like my sexuality is something which I am ashamed and and I am not. Plus I need to just concentrate on selling. Business is tough and when I get another job I dont want this crap to come up.
(*hug*) you'll find a good job lex and just get a decent reference from this lot then run fast as you can and dont look back
Yeah, the co-worker who did this is a jerk. It's indiscreet. It's thoughtless. But you've made a protest, and it's been recognised. Your managers are giving good advice; be careful with what you put on FB. Never use it myself, for one thing, I see people use it so indiscreetly all the time. "Hey look at THIS". You'l get more mileage now riding over it.
