Hi there I'm a long time reader first time poster so here goes (sorry about the length I've tried to cut it down)... I am from a traditional Indian family where homosexuality is incomprehendable. My parents are obessed with me eventually marrying a girl from the same background, religion and even caste and with being the only son I feel a lot of pressure on me to please them and carry on the family name and all that business. But I've known that I was gay from about 13 and have only managed to accept myself over the last year. So to tell them I'm gay is impossible without them completley disowning me because they would feel too 'ashamed'. So it seems I'm picking between their happiness and my own and love them too much to pick my own, but I don't want to be unhappy and unfulfilled for the rest of my life either. I haven't been able to discuss this with any of my friends, because, to be frank, some of them are complete homophobes and at times in class the whole class end up having a discussion about how gay people are 'disgusting' and 'wierd' and I just have try to brace a smile containing the hurt and anger caused by it. I've tried to 'force' myself to be straight but it just doesn't work... And I really don't think I could marry a woman and be unable to reciprocate the love I hope to recieve, as it would not be fair on her at all. I'm however trying to stay positive and praying that everything will resolve itself... But as each day passes the situation seems to be more hopeless and seems I'm doomed in this dark, deep closet forever... I could really use some guidance right about now.......
Welcome to EC! It's pretty easy to advise from my side of the fence. After all, my parents' happiness was via MY happiness. They wanted me to be happy, which I am (greatly)...and thus they're happy. And it's pretty simple for me to suggest "live for yourself, and screw what your parents (or anybody else) thinks." It's a cultural thing that I have to work to get my brain into. That said, that doesn't mean your problem is that unfamiliar to me. Because back in my day, kids in high school simply didn't come out. That just didn't happen. And even if you were gay, and were positive you were gay, and lived in an accepting part of the world, you didn't do it. You waited until college or graduation, and then came out. And during high school? Well, you COULD fake it if you wanted to. But most kids just didn't date. They had friends (of both sexes), they worked hard, and they focused on schoolwork and extra-curriculars. Is that something you could do for the time being? Lex
Haha, while this is great advice, time have changed, no? @Pow123 I think Lex is probably right. If you don't feel the need to have any kind of relationship with a man at the moment, and if your parents aren't yet pressuring a marriage onto you, then I don't really see the point in saying anything right now. We all learn to shrug off and smile at the probing questions about girlfriends and getting married from family members and friends. Maybe you should keep practicing that for a while and wait until it's absolutely necessary to open the can of worms your sexuality might provide. I know that sounds sucky, but I think you're super mature for asking in the first place. Way to be! (SO SORRY if this comes off sarcastic. I'm really bad at the whole textual communication thing.)
I can't tell you what to do. While I can't say that I have been in a situation similar to yours, I can partially understand the pressure you are under. Having been raised Catholic (and please note that this part of my life was for the most part a positive experience) I still feel pangs of guilt or uneasiness about my sexuality sometimes even though it has been a while since I came to terms with it and I am happy. Unfortunately, my decisions concerning my sexuality seem to have permanently destroyed the relationship I once had with my faith. I don't regret my choices, but it does make me sad at times. The reason I am mentioning all of this is that it sounds as though you are concerned that if you decide to come out and pursue a gay relationship, it could destroy the relationship you have with your family. The only thing that I can tell you is that even your family will not be with you for your entire life. On the other hand, you are going to have to live with your choices even after your family is gone and you have lost touch with your friends. Consider 40 or 50 years from now where you want to be in your life and what will be important to you then. What will make you happy and what regrets might you have when you look back on your life then? This doesn't answer your question at all, but hopefully it can give you something to consider. Your stats say your 17, and I am assuming there is a chance you will be going to college soon. Perhaps that can give you a new perspective on your life. For the moment though, I wouldn't be in a hurry to do anything too drastic. Wish you the best, Kevin
