Hey ya'll. Alrighty, I have a bit of a problem here. First of all, let me tell you that I am a senior in high school, and so is the other guy. We both attend the same school, and we both have ALL of the same classes. He is now a marine, and he will be going to bootcamp in the summer. My problem started when we first started talking, we would hang out ALL of the time. Next thing I knew I had a crush on him; this str8 guy who I couldnt stand to lose as a friend. So as normal, I just looked over it. I mean...How many of you has had a crush on a str8 friend before? haha. Well, as time went buy we hung out more and more. We were NEVER appart, and I mean that litterally. And then, in no time at all, we were going out on dates. Atleast thats what I called them in my head. He would ask me to go to the local coffee shop with him, and we would buy each other drinks; or he would take me to the movies...etc. etc. right? But this boy was str8; I knew that much because I had asked him about it before, and he knew I was gay, that was established a while back too, lol. Well, again, I just passed it of as a crush, and me reading into things too deep. So this goes on for about a year. And then, a couple of nights ago we were talking on MSN and he tells me that he used to 'feel close' to me! And he made me swear that I wouldnt get uncomfortable around him. So I started asking questions and such and I found all of this out; He was confused on his sexuality, wondering if he was bi or not. He took an interest in me, and decided that if I ever hit on him, he would go with it and would ask me out. After I didnt hit on him, he determined that he was totally str8. I told him that I had a crush on him majorly, but I convineced myself that he was str8. Sad, no? lol. I should have hit on him back then...but I never wanted to lose his friendship. I was convinced that he was str8 because he always talked about hot girls, and dating, and who he liked, and he even had str8 and lesbian porn! lol. On top of that, he is a marine! So, even though it felt as if we were dating, I knew this boy was str8. So I never hit on him. The conversation got me SO dang curious, so I asked what would have happened if he never told me these things, and I had hit on him AFTER he decided he was str8. This is exactilly what he said: I might have, been like, ok if he does it again I'll talk to him and go from there. And from there the conversation veered, and we changed subjects. So apparently I missed out on my chance, he even said it: 01:44] me: I dont know why I am so obsessed, lol...crazy brain [01:45] Him: lol [01:45] Him: you missed your chance lol [01:45] Him: ha ha ha ha [01:45] Me: lol...stop rubbin it in, haha. [01:46] Him: LOL And then this part of the convo [01:49] me: Like...It wasnt that I thought I wasnt likeable, I just wasnt liked by someone I wanted to like me, lol [01:49] Me: you know? [01:50] Him: You wanted me to like you? [01:50] Me: lol, I told you that last night [01:50] me: haha [01:50] him: oh I think I might have forgot [01:51] me: lol, memory loss is a b**** [01:51] me: haha [01:51] him: yes it si [01:51] him: is [01:51] me: But, I liked you, yeah. lol...But I thought you were str8 so I just dropped it [01:52] him: yea well better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all [01:52] him: or so they say lol So my question is, What is a boy to do? I mean...I really really like him, I love him to death. He has told me that when he goes away he will miss me really bad, and that we would wright each other every day, and when he got days on leave he would come and visit me in boston, etc. etc.. It frustrates me! lol, I just wanted to cry because I was so stupid not to have known!!! Should I flirt and see what happens? Does it look like there is still a chance? Any Input is totally invaluable! *BTW I havnt ever flirted before....haha, or had a BF, pathetic, no? haha* *~*FruityMilkshake
First, don't beat yourself up for not having known. You did what every gay boy in love with their best friend is programmed to do: believed him when he said he was straight. Frankly I kinda wish more gay guys would go with their hearts on this one and not their heads because really, if they're such good friends with the person, then one awkward moment/admission should be quite incapable of "ruining the friendship" like everyone is always so afraid of. And I think a lot more of it is about how we internalise that being gay is so awful and that for a straight gay the worst thing in the world is to be hit on by a gay guy (they should all BE so lucky!). That being said, no one really likes rejection and you should not be beating yourself up because this guy expected you to have telepathy. If he was curious, he coulda done some of the work himself instead of putting it all on you, and really he's the one who has missed out. This expectation that the out person should make the first move is totally unfair... and by having come out in the first place, the gay person has already totally put themselves out there (not in the romantic sense but in the "it's hard enough to come out to one's 'straight' guy friends, let alone tell them you're crushing on them" sense). As for what you can do now, well, not terribly much. He's in the Marines; they kinda frown on guys being into guys in the non fake-heterosexual-"brotherly" way. If he were to have any kind of intimate relationship with you, it would be hard for him to stay in the Marines unless he kept it very hush-hush and that's quite something to struggle with in that environment, I think. I mean, in terms of actually "getting with him," the basic plan is the same it's been for decades, maybe centuries: when he's staying with you on leave, you go drinking, go back to your place, one of the two of you goes on about how horny you are, and you let hormones and instincts take it from there. While that would probably be amazing for you sexually, it's not going to change him being in the Marines and the fact that he's only on leave. I want to believe in straight guys who are just somewhat curious on a limited basis and maybe that's what's up with your friend but otherwise he's bi or gay yet he's chosen to be in the Marines so psychologically he could be a bit messed up. I dunno--you know him better than us. But the whole "I talk about women and sex a lot and have a porn collection..." well, I did the first bit all through high school and sexually women just didn't do it for me, even back then. So he could be bi or gay or he could be 99% straight and you're just so hot and lovable that you managed to trigger his 1% homo streak. Maybe you shouldn't have worn Speedos every time you guys went swimming. j/k *grin* Probably the best concrete thing you can take from this situation is to be more trusting of your own instincts. If it feels like dating and it looks like dating, well then hey it's not completely nuts of you to think it's dating. Not that it necessarily is and that your instincts are always going to be spot on but if you're not going to trust yourself every now and then, then how are you gonna get through life? *smile* And keep in touch with Marine-boy because hey, sometimes life is pretty weird and unexpected. Hope that helps!
Thanks, and yeah that does help ^_^ But I just want to clarify, for future reply's and such: I'm honestly not looking for a Long Term Relationship with this guy. Sure an LTR would be great, but all I really want is what every other straight person in high school has; a high school relationship, lol. Just dating one person through highschool would be way over my expectations, even if it is just for a short while. And I totally agree that since I came out to him the ball was in his court, really...that bothered me, but he is sort of shy if you ask me. I understand why he wouldnt say something. So it happens ^_^ *~*FMS (EDIT) Today matt told him that I like him...and I told him that I couldnt believe that matt told him that "I do like him" and then I said "did" and he said "Do or did?" and I said "Does it matter?" and he said "? no" So I guess thats the end of that...thanks for the advice ^_^ (END EDIT)
If by "what every other straight person in high school has" you mean dates and/or hook-ups, sorry to disappoint but in all likelihood you won't, not in high school at least. It's not very often in the cards for gay high schoolers.
Thats why I said it would be above my expectations just to have one. I am from KY, that makes it even less likely ^_^ lol. *~*FMS
