I just finished a 4 year degree program in university and have realized that I haven't made a single good friend in my 4 years here except for my roommate. My roommate's an amazing person and we're always there for each other but I'm moving out in 3 weeks and so I won't see him very much any more. My only other friend is this guy I met online 2 years ago, but lately I feel like I need to distance myself from him since I don't feel very good when I'm hanging out with him. I feel like he's always judging me or looking down on me, and he feels the need to argue with me about almost everything I say. Also, I don't think he's ever accepted that I'm gay (he's said this himself), and so most of the time I don't feel like I can be myself around him. So in less than 3 weeks, it seems I'll be left with no friends and that makes me feel very lonely. Starting in September I'm starting a college diploma program in a totally different field since I don't want a career related to the economics degree I ended up with. I'm worried that I'm going to have the same experience that I had for the last 4 years and end up not making any friends again. It seems that something is wrong with me and I'll never be able to make a real friend...maybe it's just because I'm too shy. But starting at a new school is a fresh start for me, and I need to find some way to be able to make friends. I am thinking about joining some clubs...maybe the GLBT club since I don't have any gay friends, the computer club, and a support group run by my school for shy/quiet people. My social skills are severely lacking though, and I'm very anxious around new people so I need to come up with some sort of game plan so that I don't just sit there being super nervous about everything. What do I do?
Clubs are a great idea, and as a shy person, you just need to dive in and be terrified a few thousand times, and you'll figure it out! I'm JUST figuring it out. Maybe take people on one at a time though. Seems to be easier that way.
Nothing is wrong with you, but you are going to have to learn how to open yourself so people can approach you. I'm not an expert, but I'm talking from experience. I was the shy dude that no one noticed and had almost no friends. One day I decided to end it. It took very long, but I think I got to a point where I'm happy now. I still have a lot of progress to make because I'm still kinda awkward sometimes, but thats life. Being social is a skill and like all skills it can be learned. There are tons of helpful books about it that you could pick up. I Joining a club is a really good idea since you will be interacting with people that you will probably have something in common with. Just join it and really push yourself to talk to someone. Its kinda late so hope I made some sense xDD
Oh, you have trouble making friends, too? I've been in a similar conundrum, and no, I'm still not open to all but the people who I actually care about. It took me 18 years to find three peers who I felt okay hanging out with, and I don't see them too much. The college I'm going to has... wow, how surprising. NO activities/clubs I'm interested in! Whodathunkit. But I keep trying, I keep ticking, and I've found some other people today that I might be able to become friends with. It's hard, but don't give up. That's the last thing you should do.
I have only been through high school as far as education goes. I had a few friends by my 3rd year of high school. Then, I moved from the 'big' city to small country life, and had to start over. I relate to your situation, as I had only just made some solid friendships at the end of the three years. I had no friends for the fourth year of high school - I sat alone in the library alone. The thing is, people DID ask me to join them for a few drinks etc, but I was too shy to take up the offer and made up an excuse. I met two of my best friends at a LAN (I'm a geek) and another invited me to have a drink. So, out of countless times I was invited out, the only two I did run with, I made good friends. Lesson: If you turn somebody down the first time, there probably won't be a second. Bite the bullet and take up the invitation - even if the social situation feels like it will be scary or awkward. My next two friends I made very recently....by trolling facebook of all things. Most people have tons of 'friends' on facebook that are actually mere acquaintances, strike up a convo, ask them to meet you for drink or something, if they decline or stall, move on. Sure, some of them thought I was a bit weird for randomly inviting them out, but screw it, if someone sends me a 'friend' invite, and doesn't ever want to chat or meet me in person, then they're useless people with no faces and I care not for their existence.
