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Just met up with someone from a dating site

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mugwump, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. Mugwump

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    I just met up with someone from a dating site. She was nice. I dunno if she liked me or not. I could probably be friends with her, but I dunno if I was attracted to her. Now for some reason I feel really sad and lonely. I want to be with someone I know really well - I tried to see if my good friend would come over for dinner but she couldn't. Why so crappy? I feel so much more comfortable just being with myself, or with my friends. Meeting new people feels uncomfortable. I leaves me feeling empty and strange. I don't know how to tell if I'm into someone. I don't know why I bother trying to find a girlfriend. I want to be close to someone, but I don't know how I will ever get there. I just end up being friends with everyone. How do things get to be more than friends? What's the difference anyway? :bang:
     
  2. Just Adam

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    im not the right person to really answer this as i am pretty much the same... but difference between friends and your partner hmm well only difference is i found young et a warm giddy feeling thinking of that person. but i love both equally as i only think theres 1 kind of love you either feel it or dont you cant have degrees of it a lesser love or different love, i feel it cheapens what it is.

    but im weird and not good with people haha so yea...all i can offer is (*hug*) and say atleast you went out there and met someone and keep meeting people you can get better the more your used to it and one day youll meet someone you feel giddy and warm about lol.
     
  3. Mugwump

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    Thanks Adam,

    I'm feeling a bit better about it now that I've had some time. I didn't get any giddy feeling. It didn't feel like when I have a crush on someone. But then, I wonder if you have to feel that the first time you meet someone in order to end up having a relationship with them? Can you fall in love with someone slowly? Or does there have to be that initial attraction there? I mean, I don't want to try to force myself into liking people, but at the same time I don't want to be ignoring possible opportunities.
     
  4. Just Adam

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    i dont think you can force yourself to like them as it will always be forced thus strained relationship. i think there has to be some attraction to the person something that would want to make you close to them and i dont mean physical i mean emotional thats always more important... looks can change but who a person is never really does..

    if you didnt connect then you didnt connect nobody says you have to. as for slowly building feelings yes that happens the more you get to know someone there more you connect your emotions and feelings will grow for a person be them good or bad... but theres usually an initial feeling or connection hat draws you even if just for friends...you sound like you honestly didnt feel anything and your even trying to force yourself to be friends, so in this case i dont think you've missed an opportunity....for future opportunities its good to find someone you have interests and can find a connection too but be careful of becoming too good friends as that can usually make relationships difficult as both parties become afraid of ruining a friendship...

    but like i say im useless at all this, loves not my strong point sadly.
     
  5. Lexington

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    Meeting new people IS uncomfortable, at least for most people. And that's especially true for meeting somebody on a dating site.

    Something to ponder. Think about a couple of your best friends. Now cast your mind way back to how and when you first met. Chances are, you weren't BFFs from the second you laid eyes on each other. Yeah, there's the rare one where you immediately feel like you've been friends your whole life, but those tend to be the exception. With most, you meet them, you get to know them, you start feeling more and more comfortable around them, and your friendship develops.

    Now imagine meeting somebody new, and being told that this was your new (potential) best-friend-forever. Even though you know very little or nothing about them. You can presumably see how that would kick the uncomfortableness factor up several notches. :slight_smile:

    It's very much the same with online dating (or blind dates). You've got this extra layer of "I don't even know this person" on top of the standard dating worries. And yeah, it's pretty uncommon to immediately fall head over heels on such a date. Do you need the initial reaction? No. I didn't think either of my long-term boyfriends were much to look at when I first met them. But as I got to know them better, I grew to like them more, and everything about them became more appealing. And thank God for that, or else only the hot people would be getting laid. :slight_smile:

    What should you do? How do you feel about her? Did you like her? Outside of your nervousness and the awkwardness, did you have a good time? If so, feel free to keep seeing her. Keep your dates "activity-based" for the time being, so you can do things and get to know each other better, and see if something grows. If nothing does, let her know that, and perhaps you can switch to being friends instead.

    Lex
     
  6. Mugwump

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    Lex you put that so well! Thanks, good advice :slight_smile: