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New friend... something more?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Owen91, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. Owen91

    Owen91 Guest

    I don't know why, I feel very emotional and out of sorts. Maybe I'm just exhausted? It's been quite an eventful week. And I haven't had my BFF to talk it over with because she's been on vacation. I guess I just need to vent a bit and get my feelings out in words.

    I met my first real gay friend last week. It's so nice having this guy that I can talk honestly to, and not worry about weirding him out with my gayness. It's refreshing.

    I don't know why this whole thing feels so… fulfilling? Maybe I expected more. Maybe I'm still hoping that we'll get together, be more than friends. I mean, I've never had a boyfriend so I always thought that I'd just date the first guy that I really connected with.

    And he and I really connect. We like the same music and TV shows and we have the same opinions about mutual friends/acquaintances. We even have kinda the same fashion/body type.

    Does this make me hypocritical then, if I'm not attracted to him? Really, he's not ugly. I guess he can even be kind of cute, sometimes. But I just don't feel any kind of spark when I look at him. But we're so much alike! What if I'm not giving him a fair chance?

    GOD I never thought gay guy friends would be this difficult. Maybe I'm just making it difficult. *sigh* I need my fag hag to talk this over with.

    Anyways, any advice/thoughts/"JUST CALM DOWN ALREADY"s would be much appreciated.
     
  2. Lexington

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    JCDA. :slight_smile:

    Yes, getting a gay friend is very fulfilling. For one, just having one makes us feel less freakish, like the only one who feels this way. And we can talk to them about "gay stuff" without having to explain what it's like, and (often) without worrying too much about freaking them out too much. It's refreshing.

    Do you have to be attracted to him? Not at all. Your straight friends presumably don't want to bang every straight-but-opposite-gender person they come across, even if they end up clicking on some level. I've got plenty of gay friends, none of which I've ever been attracted to. And that's a damn good thing - I'd hate to throw that in the mix and upset our friendship. :slight_smile:

    You've got a gay friend. Killer. Have fun with him. Many ECers would love to have somebody like that in their lives. Don't feel the need to push it beyond that point just because you think you're supposed to.

    Lex
     
  3. MagicalMatt

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    Don't jump directly to the relationship mindset because you click. You ruin good friendships that way. Trust me. I've done it twice now. Just be friends for a good while and what happens happens.
     
  4. Sylver

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    Hell no.. I think this is awesome! I think it's important for you to have a good gay friend for so many reasons! You said it yourself - it's refreshing! So just enjoy it, and don't worry about whether or not it turns into something more.. or whether it should turn into something more. Not all friendships will turn into relationships, and they don't have to. If it eventually does - well lucky you! But if it doesn't.. keep the friendship going and keep your eye open for the right guy.. then you'll come out ahead by two! :slight_smile:

    And a special :thumbsup: to the advice from MagicalMatt. You're bang on!