This is the first time I have ever done this....this is the first time I have ever said what I am about to say outloud as well.....I think I am a lesbian. I am married to a man for 8 years now, no children and I love him but I am so unhappy. We don't have sex much and when we do it lacks what I yearn for the most....a womans touch. I have fantasized about being with a woman sexually since I was a teenager, I am 30 now and it has not gone away. I was raised in a Christian family and to come out with something like this would be a huge no no. I feel unattractive to my husband, like he doesn't want me. I am overweight and I have anxiety attacks so I don't work because of them and I don't know if this has soiled the way he feels about me sexually or if he just doesn't want me because I am to fat for him in his eyes. I was so down about being overweight last night that I was thinking that if I were to die comfortably that would be better then going on with the way I am living. I am stuck and I am crying inside and I can't tell anyone around me. I woke up this morning and I thought oh my god, the internet, maybe I can find others online that can relate to me. I could not stop thinking about this until finally I got up and went online, typed in lesbian forum and bingo I found this site. I have so much to offer the world but I spend day in and day out stuck in a house all day because of my anxiety of being out there in the world and I spend all night in the same routine and same lonelyness and rejection. All I want is to be happy, feel desired and feel happy in my heart. I don't just think I am a lesbian, I know I am but what in the world am I going to do!! How will I find someone else that will support me like my husband does because I don't work because of anxiety? I am so stuck!!
well, first welcome and congrats on coming out to yourself, thats tends to be the hardest step. I won't lie there looks like there are going to be some tough times ahead. Tell your husband that your gay may be one of the hardest things you've done, but if your truly unhappy then things won't change unless you get the ball rolling.
Wow I'm sorry your in such a tough spot Maybe you could find a therapist to talk to? In the mean time I hope these help (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) I wish I knew more so I could be more helpful but just keep your head up and Good Luck!!
Welcome to EC. I joined about a year ago and I was in a similar situation. Married almost 20 years, kids, and buried very deep in the closet. The best advice I was given was to talk with a therapist. I didn't like that idea at first because I always associated therapists with being weak. But I made an appointment and with her help, I've come out to the family and my wife and I have separated. Everybody has handled it well and has been supportive. I've not lost anyone in my life yet. And it was all thanks to the therapist and the great advice/support that I was given. Regardless, hang out here and talk to us. This place has some very amazing people here who will listen to you and understand you. You're not alone.
One thing I recommend you do is watch this little documentary called "When I Knew". There are a couple stories like yours on there. I hope you talk to a therapist and figure out your next step. Good for you for making the effort to come to EC and talk it out.
Welcome to EC! First off, no, you're not the first gay person to take the straight marriage route. So there are plenty of people (here and elsewhere) who can relate to what you're going through, and perhaps give some advice. My main feeling is that the lesbian-but-married thing can wait for a bit (it's waited eight years) while you start working on your main issue - anxiety. How overpowering is this anxiety? You say you can't work because of it. Can you do other things? Go grocery shopping, for instance? Lex
