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Relationship Bouncing

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by MagicalMatt, Aug 14, 2010.

  1. MagicalMatt

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    So let me break it down simply. I started coming out to most people in October.

    Around the end of the month I had started talking to this guy (call him K), and we just didn't go together well. He lived an hour and a half away. He actually kind of creeped me out a bit, and he was realllllly really clingy. So I cut that off and didn't think about it.

    Then shortly thereafter I started talking to this guy (Ch1) who lived on campus at my school and we talked for a few weeks. Then we started dating. We dated for a grand total of four days. Night two, I had my first kiss. I also stayed in his dorm with him that night. Nothing too crazy sexual happened, but I lost my jeans and didn't go to sleep til 6:30. That all changed the next night when we ended up getting sexual. It was just hands and mouths, if you catch my drift. Anyway, it was still a lot for me to give someone, and the next day around midday, he broke up with me.

    I was depressed for around 3 months on the subject. Mainly because he wouldn't talk to me about why and somehow wanted to remain friends. I never saw him again, and I cried a lot for those few months.

    During that time, I tried to spark things up with K and that was really dumb because I was just filling the void that Ch1 left. Needless to say it didn't work and I called it off again.

    On my birthday I decided it was time to just get over everything about Ch1 and I went out and partied with my friends and had a blast. One of my friends, J, told me that she had talked to one of her really good friends that I thought was cute (He's called Ch2). By March, Ch2 and I were dating and we dated for a month. He was my first legitimate sexual partner, and we had a lot of fun. We knew a lot of the same people and both liked to party and dance. At the end of March, he broke up with me saying, "It's just unfair because I feel like we don't click anymore." I wasn't upset for too long. After a couple weeks I was alright and I moved on.

    Only maybe a couple weeks later, one of my Tumblr friend turned real life friends introduced me to his roommate, Ch3. Ch3 and I texted back and forth constantly for almost 3 weeks and started watching LOST together. We started dating and got along better than I had with either Ch1 or Ch2. He was a huge nerd, as am I, and we just fed off of each other's awkwardness. It was actually REALLY healthy and really fun. It wasn't sexual, because he was pretty sexually conservative. Anyway, we got in an argument at the beginning of June and he told me that because I wanted to talk it out, I was blowing things out of proportion. So he ended it (I'm forever a dumpee), but we still talk because we couldn't not talk. I haven't seen him in two months, but we text and whatnot.

    Anyway, I took the past couple months to be myself and have a fun summer with my friends. Basically, I'm trying to get used to the idea that I can be alone and be a happy person! And I've done great. I barely even registered that Ch3 and I were done. I didn't really think about it. It hurt every now and again, but it wasn't that big of a deal.

    But I was talking to my friend the other night, telling her about a cute guy I had met, and she was like, "You going to do anything about it?" I told her no, that I was just having fun hanging out with him. "Staying single?" she asked, and I said, "Well, that's not the reason, but yeah." She said, "Good. Too many relationships in a year. You need a break."

    I've had 4 or 5 people tell me this. And I feel like crap because I haven't had that long-term experience that I would like, and the only time I feel like I was irresponsible going into something was with Ch1 and K. Both Ch2 and Ch3 were pretty level-headed and simple until the end. So I didn't feel, then, like I was doing anything wrong. My aunt always says, "It's college. That's what you do. You go from relationship to relationship until you find someone you want to be with for a while." I feel like that's an OK philosophy.

    I tend to be more serious about relationships than other people (another reason why Ch3 ended things), but I'm not rushing into "love" or anything. I just like exclusivity and time with a person.

    So here we are at the question. Have I been irresponsible? Would it be irresponsible if something happened between me and someone else in the near future? There isn't anyone I'm talking to or anything, but I don't think I should deny someone should they come along.

    Sorry this post is of epic proportions. :lol:
     
  2. Pvand

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    wow...

    well having just been dumped myself and not entirely over it, I'm not sure. But you seem to have learned a lot from those relationships. At least you sound like you do. And I think if something comes along soon you shouldn't let it pass. It's not like you're the one who broke of the relationships and you appear happy being by yourself, which is a key ingredient for a healthy relationship. That way you won't be needy or whatever.

    Let it happen. And if you feel you need time to think about why you're more serious about relationships than your respective boyfriends before getting involved with anyone, let that happen as well. It's okay. Remember there are a lot of people who are just unlucky in love. There's not necessarily anything wrong with you.
     
  3. Lexington

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    There's no such thing as "too many relationships". At least in an absolute sense. Some people aren't ready for ANY relationship, but you don't sound like you're at that spot. And others are so needy that they'll jump into any relationship, no matter how ill-fitting, if it means they won't have to be single this week. And it doesn't sound like you're at that point, either. You don't sound like you're desperate to bounce into another relationship immediately...unless a good opportunity presents itself.

    It's never a good time for a bad relationship.
    And it's never a bad time for a good relationship.

    And you sound you've got your head on tight enough to tell the difference.

    Lex
     
  4. MagicalMatt

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    I think maybe intellectually I'm not needy or rushing. That's the side of me that comes out when I write things like this out. But when it comes to being in the moment, I do tend to get carried away and rather needy. Does that change anything about your answers?
     
  5. SAGUY84

    SAGUY84 Guest

    Thats an awesome line. Not that any of your advice is ever bad, but that is really good :slight_smile:
     
  6. Lexington

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    ^ Thanks. I honestly don't remember if I came up with it, or stole it from someone. Let's just say it's mine until I get the cease and desist order. :slight_smile:

    >>>But when it comes to being in the moment, I do tend to get carried away and rather needy. Does that change anything about your answers?

    I think that's true of most people to varying degrees. The fact that you recognize it as a potential problem suggests (to me) that it isn't the problem it could be. The only suggestion would be to be extra-careful and examine your motives each time you find yourself in such a situation.

    Lex
     
  7. SAGUY84

    SAGUY84 Guest

    I'ma be borrowing it too :slight_smile:
    *looks up copyright laws :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:*