Well hi there EC! I seem to still be awake at 2 in the morning. Tsk, tsk. So, I came out to my bff a while back. He was perfectly ok with it and gave me a hug in his car. The thing was that I was half-expecting him to come out to me at the moment. He didn't, but he did admit he thought he might be bisexual, we shared some pictures of cute guys on MSN, and occasionally in conversation he'll mention how cute some guy is. (I should also mention he falls pretty well under the category of stereotypical gay.) We live in a Mormon community; thankfully, he's recently moved out and living in an apartment with his sister in a nearby larger town with a good deal less LDS influence. Before he left, he removed his "Interested In: Women" from Facebook and, when browsing on his laptop, found that he was searching for "mormon and gay." With this in mind, let me explain what happened tonight. I snuck down to his town while my mom was at the bar and chilled at his workplace for a bit. Then, we met up at his apartment, played an old Super Nintendo game, and had a mountain dew or two. We haven't ever been afraid of letting each other know we care, so, as per usual, we gave each other a hug. But, here's what gets me. For the first time ever, really, I had an almost uncontrollable desire to just peck him on the cheek, and I had to consciously prevent myself from doing so. I think I'm in love with him. This, of course, presents a few problems. He's not publicly gay and I don't want to jeopardize our friendship. I guess this isn't much new to the boards, but it's the first time I think I've ever really encountered a potential love interest. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. You guys truly rock (!)
Well the last thing you need to do is force your friend out of the closet. You seem to be really close to him, but he will come to you if he wants to. Just like you did for him. So there's that. But don't beat yourself up over this crush either. If it's mutual, it will happen, but don't wait up. If it's not, then you're just going to have to suck things up, unfortunately. That said, your friend is gay. You know it. I know it. He's just still in the questioning and hiding phase. Just let him do his thing and help him if he asks. Pay attention and read any signs he may give if he needs help working through it. Big Love and well wishes
If you value the friendship more than your crush or your libido, then you simply back off a bit. You might want to curtail the hugs a bit, or at least not initiate them. Your best bet to encourage him to come out (assuming he's on that path) is to keep him abreast of your OWN journey. Any progress on the "am I gay or bi" front? Any other friends you've told, or are considering telling? Latest guy (in real life or on TV) you're finding attractive (not counting him)? The more natural and relaxed you'll appear in the role, the better he'll feel about his own. And if you value the libido more? Make a move. Lex
Thank you, Matt. There's a part of me that just wants to smack him and scream, "OUT WITH IT, BOY!" :lol: But, I'm aware I need to let him go at his own pace. I can't imagine how horrible it'd be if someone wanted to out me before I was ready. I'll have to do that -- that's some very sound advice, Lex. Thank you The good thing is that he's not a homophobe trying to suppress his feelings to the extent where he is against gays. I feel relatively comfortable telling him if a guy is cute and how I feel. Incidentally, I'm growing more secure that I'm gay, and (ironically) feel as though I have a growing network of support waiting for me to come out to them. All in good time, I suppose. I just need to make enough money to feel confident about moving out, and then I think I'll be better off, as well. :roflmao: I'll be able to contain myself. I have Internet access, after all. Thank you very much
