drugs

Bud, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you are addicted. There are many things in your explanation that tell me this.

This to me is saying you put your life on hold, such as with college, just to get high. This is unhealthy because weed is going to take you absolutely nowhere. School on the other hand most likely will.

If your emotions have been effected by weed, you have definitely overused it. Another way of saying your addicted. Another reason you're addicted is think of it this way. If you keep going back to it to "regain your emotions" I think it's clear you have an addiction here.

I really think you need to see your doctor or better yet, an addictions counselor. You just need to seek some professional help.

 

http://www.talktofrank.com/article.aspx?id=3233

http://www.talktofrank.com/section.aspx?ID=108

I am in agreement with Revan here! You need help and fast! I have given links to things that can help here in the UK.

 

Yeah, I'm afraid I'm going to agree with everybody else here. Pot can be used recreationally - I know many people who do - but if you need it to function, if you need it to feel at all "normal", then you're leaning on it way too much.

All of us periodically have to don some (metaphorical) armor and go fight some personal demons. Demons are those things in our psyche that hold us back. You know, all those voices that tell us we suck, everybody hates us, we're doomed to fail and be alone, all that. And so long as we let those demons stick around, they keep us from operating at peak capacity. And the longer they stick around, the bigger they seem. And soon, they keep us from operating at ANY capacity.

Various drugs - alcohol and pot - can keep those demons at bay temporarily. But it doesn't keep them down. It just keeps them a bit quiet while you're under the influence, and they come back stronger once the buzz wears off. And now, you've got what sounds like a herd of huge dragons outside your door. Not surprisingly, you're choosing to metaphorically plug your ears and retreat to the safety of the bong.

But you can only do that for so long. Eventually, you've got to throw on that armor and go face those demons. And completely fuck them up. Because only once you defeat them will you be able to really get out there and kick ass at life. No, you won't succeed at everything or anything. But you'll regain that self-respect you've lost and can only find at the end of a joint or bottom of a bong. You'll be you again.

And I think the fact that you posted this suggests you might be ready. So let us know if you need help putting on your armor.

Lex

 

Drugs. Actually, I have an unfortunately-vagrant friend who, at one point (read: not now), did do drugs. I have plenty of demons myself, and while I can say I've been on "drugs" technically, I would rather punch a psychiatrist in the face than go back to Prozac. Anyway, from what I have read, I must echo that you are addicted, at least psychologically, to pot.

Please get help. Besides, pushing back the demons with drugs does not help in the long run and can actually make things worse. Much worse.

 

I'm not a genius, and I'm only 16, but I'll just give you my take on this. There are a few things that show you're obviously addicted. In this thread, you come off like you feel the need to quit. If you weren't addicted you wouldn't feel the need to quit or even make this thread. So that alone is kinda like proof. And if buying weed is burning a hole in your pocket, you obviously feel the need to keep buying weed even if it is costing you a lot of money.

Here's the thing with addiction: ANYONE can quit. But it's one thing to "quit", and another thing to actually stick to it. I agree with you, you can quit any time you want, but from what I read I think you'd have the urge to smoke weed within a day of "quitting".

I'm not gonna give you that bullshit speech about "add up the money you use to buy weed and you could go on cruise". Honestly things can only go down hill for a lot of people who smoke weed. My Uncle started smoking weed in high school. He's 50 now and lives in a fucking swamp. Don't let yourself become dependent on that shit, because if there's someone out there who depends on you and weed gets in the way, chances are that person's gonna hate you for a long time. And that goes for anyone who is addicted to anything.

To be completely honest I hate alcohol and drugs. I'm not gonna act like I haven't tried either but I don't do either on a regular basis. It's fucking pathetic. Don't get me wrong I feel bad for addicts but I feel worse for the people who have to put up with their shit. I also totally look down on people who drink/do drugs who are my age. Most of the time they're just people who have such normal/easy lives that they feel the need to do stupid shit just so they can have a "story".

You just need to be realistic with yourself. What is weed doing for you? In reality nothing changes when you're high. Your life is still as fucked up as it was when you were sober. You just need to find a way to confront your problems without burning a whole in your pocket bro.

 

I smoke weed too, I do it fairly frequently as well. I understand the problems you're going through right now and it really sucks. It can be really hard to stop once you've started doing it too too frequently because it becomes what you do when you're bored.

The way to beat this and move on isnt going to be easy at first. You have to find something to replace your need to smoke when you're bored or depressed. I suggest replacing that with exercising since that it rarely a bad thing (unless you do it to the point where you hurt yourself) but also it releases enzymes that will help with the depression. I wont lie, it's not going to be a walk in the park. You're going to have to force yourself to do something different every time you want to smoke.

The first thing you should do is delete your dealer's number from your phone.
The second thing, knock it off with the late night stalking. That's weird, and it shouldnt be that hard NOT to do it. How about you just go to bed? (No way can I stay up till 5 when I smoke lol)

Plenty of people on here will act like you're doing the worst thing ever or something. You're not. It's okay to smoke if that's what you want to do, just dont let it take over your life and dont use it to prevent hard times, because it can't prevent them, just put them off till later. And know that I'v had the problems you're talking about (well most of them) and I'v been able to replace the need with something healthier and I still smoke on occasion as well. An addiction to marijuana is not that hard to overcome, and it's not like being an alcoholic where one drink could send you back into alcoholism once you've been sober a while.

Don't stress about it, just work on changing it.

 

Hang in there.

Ignoring problems might work if when you're a kid, or maybe a teenager. But a huge part of adulthood is tackling problems. Not always successfully, of course, but giving it a shot. And the reason most of us old folks can do with a fair degree of confidence is simply through practice. We've been dealing with problems, large and small, for decades now. And although not everything works out ideally, we've learned to handle the stress, the uncertainty, and the ramifications of making "wrong" decisions.

It sounds like you might still be at the beginning there. And if so, so be it. You might be starting later than others, but better late than never. And yeah, it's going to be scary and painful at the outset. It's when people learn to ride bikes that they fall off and scrape their knees from time to time. The more they master it, the less it happens.

And it's not surprising that you're crying a lot, either. You've bottled up a lot of emotions over the years, and there's probably a lot of grief and pain and other shit in there that needs to get out. It sounds like you're at a point where even the pot is having trouble keeping it all in. Which is why I think, even more so now, that you need to start taking those steps towards growing out of it.

So what to do?

First off, make it as difficult to fall back on weed as possible. Keep the guy(s) you buy from at as great a distance as you can. Carry as little cash with you as you can. Get rid of all the paraphernalia at your place - give away your bongs, burn up your papers, throw out your tray, get rid of the lighters. If there are friends who always partake when you get together, you might want to keep them at bay for awhile.

Next, build up your support network. If you have any friends that don't partake, or at least those who would understand your desire/need to get clean, bring them aboard. Let them know what you're trying to do, and why. Tell them you might need some moral support from time to time, and ask if they can help provide that. If you don't have any friends you think can do that, then you'll have to rely on us here. Feel free to post as much as you need to, or send me (or Chip, or any of the other staff members) a private message if you want to talk more one-on-one.

Feel free to cry. Cry all you want. Cry ten buckets of tears. Get that shit out. Feel free to feel scared and worthless and helpless...but then get back out there and do what you gotta do. Because we don't get over being scared BEFORE doing things. We get over it BY doing things. Our first time doing it can be nerve-wracking. But the next one is less so, and then even less so.

You can do this.

Let's get your armor on. You've got demon-ass to kick.

Lex

 

>>>In the end I feel pathetic because I went out and got stoned. I feel worthless I can't even bare to be sober for half a day. I hate how wimpy I am that I cannot even bare reality. I don't even know why my only solution to a problem is to run away from it. I've notice latly that a lot of my issue's stem from the fear(or in my opinion the reality) I'm will end up alone.

Your fear isn't an uncommon one. However, it's one of those demons that you need to face. You either need to come to grips with the fact that you're destined to be alone (which really isn't the case, necessarily), or you need to actively make some moves to ensure that you don't end up alone. And the additional problem is - the sort of things you're doing to escape that feeling are the sort of things that result in people ending up alone.

Re: being weird. Weird's a datum. It's actually kinda neutral. There are weird folks that people shun like a leper, and there are weird folks that people go out of their way to befriend. The main difference between the two seems to be 1. OWN your weirdness, and 2. make it clear that your weirdness doesn't preclude you befriending others. That might be tough to do in your current state, though. You've got walls up to prevent you being hurt, and you're continually drawing away when things don't go as planned. And it's behavior like that that shifts folks from the "weird but cool" category to the "weird, no thanks" category.

It sounds like you might be in over your head here. Between your lack of coping skills (non-pot-related), your social problems, and your core issues you've been avoiding, it sounds like you've got a ton on your plate. In which case it might be time to call in some help. Not that we mind advising from this site, but you probably would do much better with somebody close by who can work with you one-on-one. Does the college have a counseling department? Is there somebody there you can talk to?

Lex

 

I suggest taking a T break for a couple weeks. The first days will be pretty hard though. After the time is up you should then decide if you want to stay sober or smoke occasionally.

 

I read your story Darkcheese, and I can see why choosing weed is easier then dealing with emotions, because they often do not make much sense. It seems to me that you are struggling to understand your underlying emotions. You must be terrified at the notion that you might be going "mad." I am sure being in the closet and the pressure of living with that secret must be really challenging.

Some made mention that self-hatred might be leading to your drug use? Does that fit with your own understanding? Internalized homophobia can impact our well-being significantly. It might be just that you are overwhelmed with insecurity, anxiety, and fears about how your sexual orientation will be received? Or, not having the tools to manage your feelings.

I encourage you not to feel guilty about your drug use - guilt doesn't really help us feel better, more empowered, or stronger. Healing as I am sure you know, takes time and with every step forward, we can take several steps back as well. It's a tug of war, when dealing with our feelings.

I use to have this really disparaging feeling, as if I had a black whole eating way at me on the inside and anyone that came near me would fall in it as well. It is easier to remain in a space that is familiar and the venture outward. It seems that you struggle with trust and vulnerability and for this reason you've been insular for a long time. It's known, and oddly there is a comfort it in.

I wish you all the best,
Blair

 

If it continues this way dark I really think you need to go seek professional help.

 

Well, let's break everything down as simply as we can.

You seem to realize that the path you're on is a dead end. You need pot to function, and even then, you don't seem to be progressing much. Pot makes basic survival seem easier, but you're not really moving forward in any way shape or form.

So you'll need to get off that road. Which means giving up the pot. Or at least curtailing it a lot. And you need to work on a bunch of issues. Social interactions. Problem solving. Getting so you're not so afraid of failure that you'll at least make the attempt.

You can either attempt to do this with the help of others.
Or you can attempt to do it alone.

You're saying you can't ask for help. That's your choice. But know that it's going to be MUCH harder to do this alone. We can offer some suggestions and support from behind our avatars, but no matter how much urging or cheerleading we do, everything's still going to come down to you. YOU will have to be the one who makes the moves. YOU will have to take all the steps forward. No matter how lethargic and hopeless you might feel. YOU are the one who will have to find the fortitude and the balls to get up and do what you have to do.

Are you willing to do this?

Lex