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More than friends (3rd date!)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by zzzero, Aug 16, 2010.

  1. zzzero

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    So, if you've read my other thread, I met this guy online and we've now met twice.

    The first date went really well!
    The second date went well, but we just kinda hung out at his house and I met his parents and siblings and stuff. They were all cool, except his mom came home to a closed door... i dont think she was too happy about that, but she didn't say anything while I was there.

    So anyways, I'm bringing him to my friend's 21st birthday party on saturday and it occurred to me today that I'm going to have to introduce him to people. He's very into me, and I'm very into him. We talk every day and we can talk about anything. We clearly like eachother in an emotional and physical way and he makes me really happy. We haven't discussed a relationship yet (probably just because we've only been on two dates now). However, I dont consider him just a friend... Part of me feels a little weird introducing him as "my friend," though we ARE friends. Should I discuss this with him? I dont want to rush anything really and I dont want it to seem weird since we've techinically only met twice (in person, but we talk every night and he texts me on his breaks from work every day). So what should I do here?

    Also, he's coming to my apartment after the party to stay over. Clearly something is gonna happen (and I wont lie, it has in the past two times we met too, what can I say, I can't help myself lol). I'm thinking if all goes well on saturday then i'll discuss it?

    What do you guys think I should do?
     
  2. MagicalMatt

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    I feel like I'd want to have that conversation before the party. Like you said, you don't want to introduce him as "your friend." But then, maybe you don't have to. Just say, "This is [name]." You know?

    Also, I legit almost asked about this guy on your wall like...5 minutes ago.
     
    #2 MagicalMatt, Aug 16, 2010
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2010
  3. Just Adam

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    i think its ok to introduce him as your friend at the party then later at yours talk to him say how you feel and ask him how he feels and what he wants from the two of you..it sounds like a relationship just you two havent said the words yet....

    as for only meeting twice i dont think thats an issue you know each other you communicate alot..people are able to have relationships before even meeting...you can know someone before you ever see them.

    i hope you have a lot of fun and you both et what you want

    take care :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 16th Aug 2010 at 11:35 PM ----------

    i originally was writing this but i thought what if before party and iy turns out he dont want a relationship it might make things a little tense for the party..but like i say he sounds like he wants to commit...

    i also thought on the hes my friend thing....you can say this is such and such but then they will ask how you know each other and people always want to know what they are to you...people are to nosey by half.
     
  4. MagicalMatt

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    Yeah, but I think if Taylor prepares a simple fib, "Oh we met through friends" or "We know each other from the internet" or something, it's easily dealt with.
     
  5. zzzero

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    Okay, so in our conversation tonight the topic came up! Dont ask how, i'm not even really sure...
    He said he was gonna wait to discuss it till saturday. But since we were already on the topic, i just said, We've only met twice but it feels like i'v met you more than that. I know you now, and I really like you, and I think you really like me.

    So then we decided it was official... So I have a boyfriend!

    Then he told me that he's got a mild form of aspbergers where he doesnt feel empathetic towards people, but he can read people's emotions and understand them, he just doesnt feel them. I'm glad he told me, and it doesnt change anything at all. I'v met him, I know him, and it's not going to change who he is or anything so it's all fine with me!

    I'm so excited!!
     
  6. TheEdend

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    I love those moments when you are like "wtf did that really just happen?"

    Congrats! :slight_smile:
     
  7. Numfarh

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    Whoa. So not to rain on your parade or anything... But doesn't that make him a sociopath? I mean, he basically just said he doesn't feel emotions.
    Those kind of people can be really manipulative and controlling. So while I want to say congratulations, I think you really need to think about what he has told you. And perhaps have another discussion about what his mental condition entails.
     
  8. MagicalMatt

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    NO NO NO! I had to jump right in and say this is not what that means.

    Growing up, my best friend had Aspergers Syndrome, and basically he couldn't read social cues or understand people's moods. That's the extent of the situation. If you told him, "Hey, I'm feeling down today," he would do his best to help you but he couldn't feel it with you. And if he was getting on people's nerves, we couldn't rely on him to understand our silent cues to make him stop. We had to say, "Hey, Drew, can you stop? That's really annoying," and he would stop, sometimes following up with, "OK, so what was annoying about it?". Then we would explain later. But he was and is a great and caring guy.

    To Taylor, congrats, and (now whether or not this is relevant depends on if you're typically the dumper or the dumpee in a relationship) but don't rush! Keep your head on straight and have fun!

    Big Love and congrats

    ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2010 at 12:07 AM ----------

    I just had to add that next time maybe you should wait when he wants to wait. You pushed the issue and it didn't hurt this time, but that can be a big deal in other circumstances.
     
  9. zzzero

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    Matt, it was something that just came up in conversation. Neither of us forced the other into the conversation. Infact, he was the one who officially asked. So I didnt really press the issue at all, it just happend to come up in conversation and aparently he'd been thinking about it all day too lol

    And his form of aspbergers is VERY mild. You wouldnt know if you met him. It doesnt mean he doesnt have emotions. He has emotions but he has trouble feeling other people's emotions. instead he has a mild form of synesthesia. It seems like where he would normally be feeling the other person's emotions, he sees certain things. So when someone else is upset he might see red. He can recognize emotion and symptahize with others
     
  10. Numfarh

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    I guess I didn't explain my position adequately. I never meant to say that people with Asberger's are sociopathic because they have difficulty reading people's emotions. A person with Asberger's is perfectly capable of experiencing their own emotions though (anger, happiness, etc.). What I meant is that not experiencing any emotions at all is indicative of a serious problem. Or at least that is what I read when I saw this:
    Lack of empathy can be replaced with simply understanding people's emotions. But you can't replace feeling emotions with understanding how they function.

    EDIT: Thank you for the clarification. The way it was phrased before set off a bunch of alarm bells. Mostly because I had a friend who got sucked into a relationship with a sociopath. It wasn't pretty.
    So sorry if I offended anyone here with my ham-handed explanation.
     
    #10 Numfarh, Aug 16, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 16, 2010
  11. zzzero

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    also we discussed it quite a bit. He's a fairly normal person, just more rational than most. It actually could make things easier because I find it easier to be direct with people than to give social cues or whatever.

    ---------- Post added 17th Aug 2010 at 01:23 AM ----------

    Lol he has his OWN emotions. he just has trouble feeling OTHER people's emotions.
     
  12. MagicalMatt

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    Wonderful! Just...keep it in mind. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Sounds like Drew. Sounds a lot like Drew.

    And yes, lol, glad to know he has his own emotions.:roflmao:
     
  13. Just Adam

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    really really happy for you :grin: so now you can introduce him as your BF :grin:

    oh i cant wait for that day hehe.

    so happy for you :slight_smile: