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Opposal to Sex...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Revan, Aug 16, 2010.

  1. Revan

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    So in the past I've enjoyed sex, like I had an active sex life, either with a close friend or a boyfriend when I had one, but right now I'm almost noticing that I don't like sex anymore....jerking off sure....I mean I love that for sure, but today when I got with my friend...it was like I just wasn't there...I mean giving oral sex was just blah...and I barely wanted to do anal at all. For me it just was like....meh. I feel as though I just don't want sex with guys at all anymore though to be clear I still dream about them and still like them...I just don't...maybe I'm just sick of having sex outside of a boyfriend? I dunno...I'd just like some advice about what maybe is happening. It's clearly not my sex drive as I jerk off like...sometimes up to 6 times a day, even more sometimes...yet sex is justl ike "no thank you"...so any advice I'd appreciate...
     
  2. Filip

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    Well, not really a clear-cut answer, but some thoughts...

    First of all, you can't always be in the mood. Sometimes if you don't feel like it, you don't feel like it. Even though I could normally eat chocolate all day, sometimes I just have a day when even the sight of a chocolate bar sickens me. That doesn't mean I've definitively lost the taste for it. Just that somehow that day wasn't the day for it. In that case, it's probably best to just wait a bit before the desire comes back again.

    Or maybe, if you're already getting off several times a day, maybe the sex is just that one time too many? There's indulging, and then there-s over-indulging, after all.
    It might be worth it to limit yourself a bit, and find more enjoyment in the times you do it, rather than getting off anytime you're having an opportunity. I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that if you're doing it more than 6 times a day, it might even become more of a rote action, and compulsive behaviour, rather than masturbating because you really feel like it. That's not at all healthy either.

    And as a friend of mine once said: "I like to have friends with benefits, but the more I think about it, it's really more like an elaborate form of masturbation". So maybe you've just become a bit bored of this form of masturbation? Or maybe you just miss something extra that is there with a boyfriend?

    In any case, if you find yourself not having a good time, then it's probably best to either not go through with it, or try something different instead. Because I do think that it's better to have no sex than sex that isn't enjoyable for either you or the guy you're with...
     
  3. Lexington

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    No harm in taking a break. Certainly don't feel the need to have sex simply because the opportunity arises. Sex is supposed to be enjoyable, not a chore. Feel free to stick with your hand and your imagination for the time being. Presumably, you'll eventually find the urge to do it again. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  4. Revan

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    I think it also had something to do with not having had sex since May and while I'm not saying I got sex all the time prior, but it wasn't that long between having sex...
     
  5. GoinStag

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    Maybe you would prefer sex with someone you love, like a boyfriend or something. That could be it.
     
  6. MagicalMatt

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    Maybe it was just bad sex. I mean not all sex is enjoyable.
     
  7. Chip

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    Anything else different? Dietary / exercise / medication changes? Any of those can affect sex drive.

    If not, you are probably just experiencing a lull, or perhaps growing in a different way. As we get older our sex drive changes, and it's not uncommon for people in their early 20s to have different sex drive than they did when they were 16 or 17.
     
  8. Pseudojim

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    i go through moods. sometimes for days or weeks on end i will be randy-pan the goat boy and want to have sex all the time. Then other times, again for days or weeks on end, i will have absolutely no libido and i'll even masturbate a lot less frequently. It might just be something similar you're experiencing.

    ---------- Post added 18th Aug 2010 at 10:29 PM ----------

    remember you've passed the peak in insatiable horniness that young men go through. My desire has diminished noticeably since exiting the teens and entering the mid 20's.
     
  9. Revan

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    I spose...I'm just concerned it might be the same for a boyfriend...
     
  10. TheEdend

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    There is no way to know until you get there. Try not to worry too much about the what ifs :slight_smile: