I told my Dad and had a long conversation about it with him. The weird thing about my family is they have certain beliefs they are completely unyielding on. For instance I know everyone of them would be fine with it except - as I suspected would happen - They expect me to fit certain stereotypes even if that's not the way I am. Then they say I'm self-hating because I don't want to change my personality. To be less vague, my dad and i have been talking about possible career paths. He keeps suggesting design. I can't paint, draw, or do anything like that well and it's not something i would enjoy. So when we were having our conversation about my being gay, I asked do you think that's why i should go into design? He said very matter-of-factly, yes. As if there was nothing wrong with that. I then said but that's not my personality and he didn't respond almost as if he didn't believe me. I know my brother, sister, and mom will do and say similar things. This is probably not as big of a deal as some other problems with coming out, but i'm at a point where i may consider moving far away from my family so I don't have to deal with this during my coming out process. Then when I am out, it's not as big of a deal because I have the security to ignore what they say. Any thoughts?
Maybe try talking to your dad and telling him that it bothers you that he thinks that you have to be like all the stereotypes, even though that's not you. Also, try to find a way to show him that not everyones a stereotype. Use him as an example. If he's geeky, show him some of the things that he does that contradicts to him being the geek stereotype. If he's manly, show him some of the things that he does that contradicts to him being the manly man stereotype. Put him in your shoes. He might not understand right away, but maybe with time. And don't forget that what really matters is that you know who you are and people can think whatever they want of you. As long as you do what you want and like, it shouldn't matter much what anyone else thinks.
Depends on you age, of course, but you ALWAYS have the luxury of ignoring what your parents say. If they expect you to design clothes, adopt a lisp, and become a huge pop fan because you're gay...well, they can expect that all they want. Meanwhile, you just go ahead and do whatever the hell you were going to do anyway. Lex
Basically what I was going to say. You don't have to take anything your family says to heart. They can misunderstand what being gay means all they want, and they can push you into design and art all they want, and they can hire a speech pathologist to give you a lisp if they want, but you don't have to buy any of it. Do what you want to do. Be what you want to be. If you're talking about careers or the possibility of college, then obviously you're old enough to be thinking on your own a bit. Get to know what you like and want to do with your life. This part of life is all about you. Hahaha! But really...don't.
Thanks for the ideas. I like the bear porn one but if that doesn't work i think i'm just going to say it's as if he does not want me to enjoy what i do enjoy just so it can be easier for him. I can also challenge him contradictions with his stereotype as well. It just gets annoying when you feel like life is a fight upstream to enjoy it.
Nice to know that my ideas are appreciated by some hahahahaha To be honest it sounds pretty curable what your family are acting like
My dad thinks the same way your dad does, except in a pretty negative way. In fact, he's racist and homophobic, not to mention an all-around dirtbag. My mom also buys into gay stereotypes and commonly wishes she had a gay best friend who could give her advice on fashion and design and stuff like that. But she still doesn't like the idea of people actually being gay, especially with lesbians. She's very hard on lesbians... Anyway, the best thing to do would be to not conform to their idea of what you should be. If that's not who you are, they're going to have to accept that. Their idea of what makes a gay person is fabrics and sequins, but some gay people are more about sports, or computers, or, hell, anything else. We're people, not actors who have to play a role. Sexual orientation does not control behavior, and your parents should and hopefully will come to understand that in time. I find it ironic that their problem isn't that you're gay, but rather that you're not gay enough.
