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Mom found pride stuff

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by otc877, Aug 18, 2010.

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  1. otc877

    otc877 Guest

    I went to LA pride this year, and at pride they give you a ton of stuff away for free. I had a tote bag filled with gay stuff (from a Cher fan, to a gay porn DVD) that I stuffed under my bed.

    Mom found it today and brought it up as if it were a joke. "Why were you there?" "Do you have gay friends?" "I didn't know you supported that..." She pretty much danced around the topic for a while with me dodging every question...

    She must know, I mean she found a bag filled with gay shit under my bed... under the bed of her only son that doesn't have a girlfriend (and never has)... It's not hard to connect the dots.

    I already know all of your responses "Just tell her! She already knows!" "She seems fine with it, if she didn't start screaming and throwing bibles at you!" "She already knows and is just letting you come out to her on your own terms..." "The ball is in your court now, she gave you the option to come out and you didn't... now she wont approach the subject again until you do..."

    I just need to bounce this off somebody... I'm not really nervous or upset... just being passive in my own life...

    Blah this is way too long and has no substance.
     
    #1 otc877, Aug 18, 2010
  2. RedState

    RedState
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    If you don't have this amazing urge to come out, then just leave it alone.
    She probably knows or suspects, but so what? Most parents do.
     
    #2 RedState, Aug 18, 2010
  3. Lexington

    Lexington
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    Some families have a different dynamic. One where things are "known but not discussed". If that's where yours is, I'd say there's no reason to have the talk. Assume she knows, and go about your life. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
    #3 Lexington, Aug 18, 2010
  4. otc877

    otc877 Guest

    You're both right, and definitely what I needed to hear. My family really has never been one to confront personal issues much less share them with each other.

    I envisioned her finding it being such a big ordeal but it was completely a nonissue. She even suggested I give all the stuff to my straight friend as a gag gift. (we have a tradition of giving each other the gayest things we can find [yes, he knows])

    But thanks for the advice, I just really needed to hear an outsider's perspective.
     
    #4 otc877, Aug 18, 2010
  5. VentinIntrovert

    VentinIntrovert
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    Your mom sounds pretty cool... Maybe you should pretend to be straight and confuse her haha...
     
    #5 VentinIntrovert, Aug 18, 2010
  6. GoinStag

    GoinStag
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    Dude your Mom sounds awesome! I wish my Mom was like that.
     
    #6 GoinStag, Aug 18, 2010
  7. ArcaneVerse

    ArcaneVerse
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    If your not ready to come out yet or you just don't want to, then don't there's no rush. Take this opportunity though, if your unsure about where your mom stands, to suss out her views on gays. If she presses the issue of your sexuality and you still don't wish to give her the answer just say your pro equality for all and the porno and fan were in fact gag gifts from your friend.
     
    #7 ArcaneVerse, Aug 19, 2010
  8. Chip

    Chip
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    I'm not quite so sure she knows based on the convo (and i'm usually the one saying "She knows").

    The "Do you have a gay friend"... and "I didn't know you supported this sort of thing..." sounds a little more like denial. But even if she didn't consider it before, I'm sure that it got her thinking, particularly if you tap danced with any of your answers or were less than resolute. And as you said, if she connects the dots, it shouldn't be too hard.

    Take your time and come out when you're ready, but it doesn't sound like it will be a shock or a big problem, so if you're the sort that likes to just push past stuff and get it over, i'd say she's ready and you're probably ready. Or drop hints... or just wait. Any of the above can be the correct decision for you :slight_smile:
     
    #8 Chip, Aug 19, 2010
  9. Just Adam

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    could of been worse at least she didnt say the dvd wasnt as good as she expected :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:


    ok im serious again umm.. they're all right just leave it if you don't feel ready she may know or be clueless but shell be thinking about it now...so i say next move is yours...but take it at your own pace..and don't let this put you off pride events either after all shes found the stuff already so finding more wont make a difference :wink:

    (*hug*)
     
    #9 Just Adam, Aug 19, 2010
  10. eternallyapril

    eternallyapril
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    I like the suggestion of 'playing straight'
     
    #10 eternallyapril, Sep 9, 2014
  11. bingostring

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    (oop, very old post.. removed my comments)
     
    #11 bingostring, Sep 9, 2014
  12. oscarneedslove

    oscarneedslove
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    I agree your mom is awesome. I don't think she would react badly but if I were you I would try to test her by telling about(an imaginary) gay buddy.
    My mom still thinks that gays have a disease and they need to be treated. She even thinks that MD can treat gays by hormonal therapy. It is impossible to tell who I am. Good luck!
     
    #12 oscarneedslove, Sep 9, 2014
  13. BradThePug

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    This thread is from 2010. Please remember to check dates before posting :slight_smile:
     
    #13 BradThePug, Sep 9, 2014
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