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Help with a (possibly) straight crush.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by blackpoe66, Sep 21, 2007.

  1. blackpoe66

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    O.K., here's the deal: I'm a senior in high school, and I have a crush on a guy who I'm pretty sure is straight, but who acts gay a lot of the time. He has a girlfriend, and he says he just wants to be friends. Any advice on what I should do?

    :help: :help: :help:

    (&&&) (&&&) (&&&)

    :bang: :bang: :bang:
     
  2. sngl

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    Oh no...that's a tough one. Unfortunately I can't really give you any advice since I'm in a similar position too...:icon_sad: There's a guy that I really like (well it's more like a crush actually, I can't stop thinking about him)... he's got a girlfriend but still, I feel like he might be gay (or maybe bi?)...but I can't talk to him without "outing" myself to him (and possibly lots of other people). I don't know what to do either! But I just can't stop thinking about him! :bang:
     
  3. joeyconnick

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    Well I'm not saying he is gay but the way you worded that is a little weird. Wouldn't an ostensibly straight guy with a girlfriend want to be friends? As opposed to wanting to JUST be friends?

    So the question is, did he say he just wants to be friends, or is the "just" part your addition?

    As in... does he know you're gay? Does he know you're into him?

    We're kinda gonna need more details if you want anything more than "Uh... we have no clue."

    However, it is generally true that those boys who have girlfriends in high school are either straight or want people to think they're straight. Even in the latter case, do you really want to be the guy the closeted guy cheats on his girlfriend with? Actually, let me answer that for you: you don't wanna be that guy, even if it seems like a good idea at the time. One, because she probably does not at all deserve it and two, because you deserve someone who maybe even if they aren't "out" out, at least isn't pretending to be something he's not. Like it's one thing to keep your sexuality to yourself. It's quite another to actively try to make people think it's other than it is.

    Unless he's bi, in which case he's already got someone (a "significant other") and although I know we're getting more modern every day, I'm still pretty sure that the default for most Canada and US relationships (especially in high school) is exclusive.

    So if you want more wild guesses from total strangers online, you need to give us more details. :lol:
     
  4. joeyconnick

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    Get him alone and let him know you're gay. But don't follow that up right away with how much you're into him, because that is too much info in one go. Plus if he's at all smart/perceptive he will likely have an inkling anyway.

    Seriously that's the only plausible way you might ever find out. It sucks but it's true.

    But again, if he has a girlfriend... is he really going to dump her and risk people finding out he's not 100% straight?

    And of course there's always the "somehow get him alone and get really drunk with him" plan but that only works out in fiction. Or at least it only works out for sure in fiction. Not to say it's never worked out in real life but it's hardly a sure thing. Probably the first thing I mentioned is the most likely to lead to something which is hopefully non-traumatic in terms of bad reactions and people being outed.
     
  5. sngl

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    Thank you VERY much for your response joeyconnick! Maybe I'll try to talk to him after all, because I feel like I can't move on until I know for sure if he's really straight or just closeted (and I have reason to believe that this is the case).

    Once again, thank you and sorry for semi-hijacking your thread, blackpoe66.
     
  6. joeyconnick

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    You're very welcome. Hope the situation works out well...
     
  7. Tom

    Tom Guest

    blackpoe tell him tht ud like 2 get to know him a lil better or somet, nufin 2 suggest tht u really want him and like him but he shud get the idea tht u fink hes a gd lookin and a generally gr8 guy, after a while if he is closeted then well u wud definetly be one of the first he comes out 2 so he can ask u for support etc. and when u get 2 know him better maybe u can begin 2 let him know ur true feelings but im sure by tht time he wud already know em. but once agen get 2 know him, then wait for him 2 make the next move, if he does then u may be in luck woo! if he doesn't then he's sadly just a gay actin str8 or he is closeted but he's either not accepted it and tryin 2 ignore it or he just doesn't want to come out seein as he has a girlfriend and if he came out, she cud be upset because he was usin her, ppl wud think he doesn't like bein gay anjd so they r more likely to think bein gay is bad 2 wich wud b bad.