I really don't know how to explain this but I'll try my best. I kinda feel like the fact that I only know I'm gay is all that there is to me. Like it's my own life that only I know. Like it's who I am. Sometimes I feel like if I were to come out, I'd have nothing to me. Am I making any sense? Like it's my story, or like it's what's going on in my life. Almost like it's some kind of source of excitement, being in the closet. I hate it though. Idk how to put it. Does get what I'm talking about? I'm really, seriously so incredibly close to coming out to my sister because she's bi and pro-gay, but I feel like if I were to come out, I wouldn't have my own...."story" or life I guess you could say. Idk. Should I just come out to her? Could someone help me out?
Hey I went through a similar period of time where I felt that all there was to my life was coming out. I felt as though it was the main task of my life and that by accomplishing it I'd finish what I felt was the biggest issue in my life. I also felt that I'd completely change and be an almost completely different person. I think, because of this, I had feelings of "what's next?" when I did finally start to come out. But relax. There is a lot more to life to just coming out; a lot more personal issues will come up that you will have to deal with, but trying to overcome these one step at a time and improving yourself in the long run is a part of life. Once you do come out, many more doors of opportunities open up, as well as other hurdles, and you'll be writing a completely different story.
^^Holy shit, yeah that's exactly how I feel. I feel like that's all there is to me. I almost feel like it's the only thing that's "exciting" or "unique" about me. I have know idea what I'm going to do after I come out. That's exactly how I feel.
Oh my god, I never thought anyone else felt like that when they were considering coming out. That's quite spectacular to me. First of all, I can assure you that life doesn't stop throwing you curveballs after you defeat this obstacle. Trust me. I haven't even come out to a lot of people, but the fact that I am gay and still not out to everyone is suddenly low on my priorities list. While identifying yourself and being open and honest about it with others is important, there are many other factors to a plentiful and challenging life that many of us face. I lead a bit of a pessimistic lifestyle. Whenever I overcome one obstacle, I consider each day before another major obstacle a great blessing. By coming out, you can enjoy the elated feeling that is associated with the task, as well as a period of contentment. But, don't worry about being bored with life's doldrums just because you come out. Something else will happen. Thank you greatly for bringing this feeling to the forefront of the community. I'm now certain that you're not alone in your feelings. I wish you all the best! (*hug*)
As others have pointed out, having something at the top of your "to do" list can eventually make it seem like your raison d'etre. But once you cross that item off, you'll find it actually liberates you into doing anything and everything else. Lex
Something that's been on my mind lately, is "So I'm out now...what the hell do I do now??". Like others have said, you will still have a lot going on after you come out. For me, I have so many other issues that coming out seems like something I did a really long time ago(in reality, my first coming out experience wasn't even a whole year ago) and it's rarely on my mind. Don't think of it as losing something special, think of it as gaining something even better: the chance to make stronger relationships with the ones around you. It's not just that, but there's so much more to it.
It sounds like you may have the wrong idea of coming out. I used to think that coming out was a sort of singular event and that as soon I got the ball rolling I'd be completely out in a month, ready to start my new gay life without difficulty. Boy was I wrong. Coming out is a long drawn out process filled with challenges, ups and downs. A year later I'm still "coming out", still getting used to telling people, still trying to become comfortable with being with guys in public.
After you "come out" to your first group of people, you then LIVE LIFE like a normal person. You don't have to worry about coming out anymore. That doesn't mean that's the only "issue" in your life though - still have parents, friends, school, sports, etc. I too thought once I "came out" to my 3 very good friends that it would be game over and then I'd just never tell anyone again. That's not true though, you "come out" all the time whenever you meet people. I don't say "I'm gay" the second I meet them because in my opinion it doesnt matter. However, I don't watch what I say and if I say "he's cute" or something like that, that then "outs" you even if you don't think about it.
You can start to relax more after you "come out", and some friendships can get stronger and new friendships feel fantastic because people know the true you, but, the big thing is you can be you, it's then not the only issue you think about anymore, you can start to live life to the full, think of the future, realise that anything is possible (thats how I feel). I'm not saying that it will happen straight away but it will happen. As lostandfound said you dont just come out once, its a long process and can bring up issues/challenges. You will know when the time is right for you to come out, I did (in the middle of the Caribbean . . . . . .long story )
