I wanna go back into my closet and slam the door. I'm extremely depressed my head is spinning. I came out to three people in two days. I hated saying it every time but I felt like I needed to. Now I'm scared. Did this happen to anyone else?
I felt depressed a short while after coming out to my parents. Telling them seemed to solidify me being gay, and that wasn't something I was completely comfortable with at the time. At this point, being 'out' for as long as I have, it doesn't bother me. Why did you hate saying it?
I've used the analogy before that coming out is sort of like standing naked in front of people. It's nervewracking as heck for most people, they feel completely open and vulnerable, are afraid they'll be made fun of. And I think almost everyone has some variation of that. But over time, as you become more comfortaable with yourself, and who you are, you realize there's nothing to be embarrassed or feel vulnerable about... and then it becomes a liberating thing instead of an ordeal.
I came out to about ten people in the first week that I decided to come out. About two weeks later I became incredibly depressed, way more depressed than I've ever been. This lasted for about two months. After I came out, I didn't talk about being gay or gay things with my friends and they wouldn't talk about it with me (although were doing what they thought was best for me, that is so I wouldn't feel different around them). I felt like a pariah, like there was some sort of invisible wall between me and everyone I had told. Now, almost a year down the road I feel much more comfortable in my skin, I don't have the depression and my relationships with everyone I've told have grown stronger and stronger. My advice would be to do things which are outside your comfort zone, the more you do this, the more you'll feel comfortable being gay.
It definitely happened to me. After the initial rush of coming out, I suddenly realized: “Oh dear, now people know! I can’t ever go back! What if I was wrong after all and this was the biggest mistake of my life?”. That feeling died down pretty fast, though, as disaster failed to strike, and life went on much like before, except that people now knew. So you just trained yourself for years in thinking that coming out was a fate worse than death. It just takes a moment for those learned mental reflexes to adjust to reality. It’s not pleasant now, perhaps, but you’ll see it passes quickly enough!
I swear this is so common, there should be some official "Post coming-out depression" .....entry...in the...dictionary??...
This happened to me. I hadn't even planned to come out yet, I barely even knew the guy I told, it just happened. Now he's my best friend, helped me through that depression, and it was one of the best things I ever did. I hope this is the same for you, you shouldn't have to regret being who you are.
