Openly Pledging a Fraternity

I think that this is like the classic case of being accepted. If you do come out before, and they don't accept you, then they're jerks. If they do accept you, then that's great and you can be happy.

If you decide to wait until you're accepted, and then come out, then you may face a harsher rejection than if you came out before joining. On the other hand, you may still be included if you come out if the fraternity is nice.

I think you should come out before, and if you don't get accepted because you're gay, then those guys are jerks like I said before.

Hopefully, everything will work out though! Also, I'd consider taking my advice into less account than everyone else's advice because I've never been in a situation like this.

 

I would say before and make sure they would be understanding before joining.

 

I'd check. But do so in a disinterested fashion. Saying something like "I thought I'd have a tough time finding a fraternity that would welcome gays - glad to know I was wrong" would do the trick.

Lex

 

i go to a catholic university and i know a couple of openly gay guys that are in fraternities, it's not about their sexuality, it's their personality, they just fit in to that atmosphere.

i would suggest being open about it to begin with cause you really don't want to hide your sexuality cause with a bunch of straight guys around all the time, it will be really difficult finding excuses to turn down girls at parties and socials. if they know you're gay, you don't have to worry about that.

if they wouldn't accept the fact that you're gay, would you really want to be closeted in that environment anyway? homophobic guys make offensive gay jokes all the time and it might be fun part of the time, but there would always be that uncomfortable secret.

 

Ehhh...tread lightly...fraternities are strange things with it come to gays.

You are facing that classic double edged sword. Ok...say you come out now...you face the prospect of an even more hellish pledgeship and the possibility of getting blackballed.

You come out after you get in, and you could be isolated.

For the most part, fraternities are very protective of their image, and sadly, a lot of times gays don't fit that image.

I never came out in college, but one of my brothers did. No one ever really had anything else to do with him. I still remained friends with him, but it was a "touchy" subject around the House and--of course--it spread like wildfire on campus. Granted, this was at the University of Alabama, and it was a very traditional old south fraternity.
Your school and the fraternity you are looking at may be a little more progressive...I don't know. But, the mentality of most fraternities are pretty similar...so I would advise you to be very careful in what you decide to do.

 

My fraternity is entirely accepting of me. I didn't come out until after I joined, although I was still dealing with the issues and hadn't convinced myself I was gay yet. Fraternal brotherhood is something that most people can't even imagine though, and it's a pretty damn strong bond (I know it beats out family for me).

The issue I could see with you though is that you're in the south. Fraternities in the south, from my experience of meeting my brothers, tend to haze the shit out of people still, and don't take diversity very well. If you've found one that is, that's great. If you're debating Sigma chi, I can make contact with them and back you up if you run into trouble. We don't stand by our chapters that discriminate or haze.

 

i think it depends where you are
If you are comfortable with doing so and feel ready
come out, if they are like no biggy your golden
if they act hesitant or do something or say something to put you off don't join as i'm guessing you want an accepting environment and there is prob a frat that accepts LGBT people somewhere
That is more standing on principle but i understand not being comfortable doing so. On the bright side everything's on the table and you can feel more comfortable and accepted or if they go the other way you can avoid a POSSIBLE bad situation

If not
Wait go through your stuff make friends let them warm up to you then break the news
This runs the risk of a backlash getting kicked out etc but the benefit of the "hes a good guy so idk" response where you essentially change the way they think about gay.

However you might have to deal with some homophobic stuff while you pledge/rush or whatever

at least thats the way i see it. Weigh the risks and consequences and see what you are comfortable and ready to do. i hope i helped (*hug*) either way its your decision to make an no one is a wrong one

 

Ok. You are in Georgia...I'll just make a guess that you are either at UGA, Georgia Tech or Georgia State (sorry if that assumption is wrong). For any of those schools, the whole gay thing is still a touchy subject.

But the bigger question is is this: whose business is it anyway. I mean, when people rush they don't send e-mails to chapters they are interested in proclaiming that they are proud hetrosexuals. I was rush chairman for 2 years and I never had one rushee tell me, "oh by the way, I like girls". So...why should you do the same?

If you rush, pledge, join, let them find out naturally. Meaning: no need to wear it on your sleeve...just be yourself. If it so happens someone asks, then you be honest with them...understanding that could come with some recourse. But, the more they get to know you as a person...and not just s pledge or a brother, it may soften the "news" so-to-speak.

As I said before, fraternities in the south are very strange when it comes to this issue (although I'm convinced at least 5% of the Membership of every fraternity on every college campus are closet homos--or at least bi). So...just tread lightly.

 

>>>But the bigger question is is this: whose business is it anyway. I mean, when people rush they don't send e-mails to chapters they are interested in proclaiming that they are proud hetrosexuals. I was rush chairman for 2 years and I never had one rushee tell me, "oh by the way, I like girls". So...why should you do the same?

Well, here's my issue here. Let's say the OP keeps it quiet, rushes the fraternity, and gets accepted. Then let's say he finds out that gays are definitely not welcome. At that point, he's going to have to make a decision. He can continue keeping it a secret, or he can "let them find out naturally". And my experience has been that nearly everybody chooses the former. Mainly because of the situation you described. They fear coming out, having it become an issue, and being somewhat (or very) ostracized within the fraternity, and perhaps beyond. The pressure will be on simply stay in the closet until graduation. Needs of the many and all that.

For some people, this isn't an issue. You still sort of live by that credo, bama. "It's nobody's business but my own." But the thing is - straight people "come out as straight" all the time. Constantly. Every time they talk about their girlfriend, or that hot chick they got to make out with last night, they're coming out as straight. They're saying "By the way, I like girls". Nobody suggests these people "keep it on the downlow", or tells them "nobody needs to know".

My fear is that the OP might feel resigned to living in the closet for the next four years, and that he think it'll be worth it because hey, he's in a fraternity. And I say fuck that noise. College is an ideal time for many to finally start dating the same gender, and it's silly to put that aside for the sake of a fraternity charter, or because "the brothers wouldn't like that". Especially right now, before he even knows any of them. I'm not deriding fraternities here, but I do think the wants and needs of the OP outweigh that of the fraternity.

Lex

 

Oh I'm not saying at all that the needs or wants of a fraternity outweigh that of any individuals happiness. We all gotta do what we gotta do. I'm just merely pointing out the realities of fraternities in the south...it's simply different down here. Some fraternities don't want to have the chatter on campus: "Oh isn't that the frat that has the fag?" Not saying that is right, but simply saying that's how it is...at least here.

I wish that I had been more open in college, and I envy those that are now. Some Greek organizations are more accepting, others aren't.

For the OP: I have no idea what the dynamic of the fraternity you are looking at. They may welcome it with open arms or they (like most I have come across) be a little more "reserved" so-to-speak. It will be a gamble, but--hell--life is a gamble. You just have to decide if you want to roll the dice.

But Lex does make a good point, it comes down to this: If you think joining this will cause you to not live your life as you wish...will cause you to not to date or be seen with those you want to be with, then it is simply not worth it. No one group is worth your happiness as a person.

I'm a strong advocate of the Greek System. I remained wayyy in the Closet during my stint. But it didn't bother me, I could deal with it. But that's just me.

 

Surely that's the answer then? You still get to join a fraternity whilst being 100% sure they are fine with gay people.