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Single-dom

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by travelinsoul21, Aug 26, 2010.

  1. Okay, so I've pretty much decided that I'm gonna be single. For whatever reason I think I'm gonna be that way for a while.

    But I hate being single. I hate everything about it.

    And I've realized before I can be un-single there are probably some things I need to work on. About myself I mean.

    Like the fact that rejection throws me into a emotional tailspin.
    Or the fact that I'm not happy with myself.

    I mean how can I expect to make someone else happy and be happy with them when i'm not happy by myself.

    And I need to get healthier.

    But how can I come to terms with being single and how can I become happy with myself?
     
  2. s5m1

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    I am going to give you the same advice I, and others, have given you in response to a number of your other threads. You need to speak with a therapist. Here is an example of one such thread:

    http://www.emptyclosets.com/forum/showthread.php?p=705837#post705837

    You have been struggling with similar issues for some time, but it does not appear that you have sought help. I really don’t know what more to say. I know it can be hard to do but you are not going to be happy unless you proactively work to get to the root causes of your unhappiness. I was there too once. Life for you can be wonderful, but you are going to have to take some tough steps to get there.

    If I am mistaken and you are seeing a therapist, give it some time. It is not an overnight process.
     
  3. otc877

    otc877 Guest

    I just have to say that when I read your title I thought it was some sort of personal advert.

    Single -- dominant

    but, now I realize....
     
  4. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

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    I won't ask what sort of questionable materials you've been reading :slight_smile:
     
  5. Mirko

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    Hi there! I'll add a few things to what s5m1 has mentioned.

    You might not like to hear/read this but being single isn't all that bad. And sometimes, being single allows one to do things that they might not do otherwise or lets say it makes it easier at times. Think about the things you would like to do, and start creating a plan to begin doing them.

    To become happy and be happy is a process and it takes time and a lot of work but there are lots of things you can do to get on that path of becoming happy and feeling that 'hey, things aren't too bad.'

    I know you went to a LGBT support group meeting not too long ago and had a great time. Are you still going? If not, I would suggest that you go back and try to become a bit active with that group.

    Another thing you could really work towards is trying to create closer friendships, or trying to create new friendships. Once you have one or a couple of more meaningful friendships, you will start feeling somewhat differently. Your friends can be a source of happiness. You can draw not only support from your friendships but also, and perhaps more importantly, have the feeling that there are people in your life with whom you can have a good time and share things (whatever they might be). We are all social creatures. We need that interaction. And that interaction can be a great and important source of happiness.

    Plus, if you are in a relationship, you want to make sure that you have a friendship base in place before that and know you can turn to, because you will need that.

    Pick up a hobby or do the things you like doing more often. Try to set up a schedule of some sorts, where you do them on a regular basis. You know the things/hobbies in which you excel and can give you some feeling accomplishment and happiness. Do them, follow them and better yet, talk about them with your friends, or the people you have started to get to know at the LGBT centre.

    You have mentioned that you want to get healthier. There is already one source that you can tap into and use towards becoming happier. What better way is there to start building self-esteem, and happiness? Think about it!

    But all of that really depends on you. Are you willing to do the things you need to do? If you are, I would suggest you start with it tomorrow morning. :slight_smile:
     
  6. VampConspiracy

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    No comment.

    Anyway, you pretty much described me, except I do have social skills issues and the fact that I have come to terms with being single.

    My reasoning goes like this: Asperger's is a bitch to overcome. I need to work on my emotional distress and skills before even trying to get a girlfriend.boyfriend into the picture. There are also practical reasons outside of that: the fact I don't have a license or job to make it possible. Add to it the fact that partners add a whole dimension to life that I am absolutely positively not ready for and put all this through a rational thinking process, and 99.9% of that singleness-related wallbanging has disappeared from my head. (NOTE: I have other sources of major depression; don't think my brain is all tidied up.)

    This is just my story. Your mileage will vary, but maybe another perspective from someone who had/has a similar issue will help. Oh, and I'm none too "healthy" either.
     
  7. otc877

    otc877 Guest

    You know, the usual. Gerbil play, handcuffs, electric clamps. That sort of thing.
     
  8. Being single isn't bad. I'm just not happy with it
     
  9. Mirko

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    Um okay.... you have recognized that you are not happy with it. That's already a good step! But now, you need to take it further, i.e. you need to start doing things that will allow you to start feeling happy and being happy, regardless of what your relationship status is. :slight_smile: Go to the LGBT group, hang out with some of the people there. Make some new friends, and take it from there.

    You already have things in your life that can and should provide you with some happiness and that allow you to be happy, while being single.

    I think it would be beneficial if you also talk with a counselor/therapist about it.
     
  10. bironey

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    Happiness comes from within. Take the time to know yourself better, hang out with people you normally wouldn't. Do things you don't think you'd like, just to be sure. You need to be able to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
     
  11. Revan

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    Good luck with this. It took me a long time to be happy being single, and I'm still sorta having difficulty...but I am getting there. I hope you have an easier time than I do :slight_smile:
     
  12. D_Alejandro

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    Love is in you. You can't love anybody else unless you love yourself. You should watch this, I'll let Chrissy do all the talking:

    [YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rp198k984Yw[/YOUTUBE]
     
  13. The video is true. I totally agree. I'm not codependent on anyone though. I haven't dated anyone in a looooong time. I don't think i would be considered "codependent". I'm just not happy alone, but I am alone nevertheless
     
  14. mischa91

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    I think i have the exact opposite problem to you, i love being single! I can't imagine my life with someone always there. I've been single for the longest time and honestly it's a blast. I don't have to worry about telling someone every tiny detail of my life, and i don't have to justify anything to anyone but myself. If i want to pick up and go on vacation for a week with a friend i can, i don't have to make sure the other person is okay with me going.

    I say spend some time with yourself. If being alone is boring, get a hobby. Do something new that you can excel at. I took up horse riding, and through that i met loads of new people and gained so much self confidence. You need something you can be proud of which will give you more self worth.
     
  15. OutToSea

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    I may be mistaken, but if you're unhappy alone, that means you are in fact codependent (on having a boyfriend, not anybody in particular.)
     
  16. I would love to travel & take some vacations on my own. But I don't have the cash flow for that (college student) I'll try and come up with some other things...