1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

coming out to guys

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confused102188, Aug 30, 2010.

  1. confused102188

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2009
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    Is it harder to come out to guys than it is girls. I'm scared to do it.
     
  2. titaniumCloset

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2010
    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    california
    When I was first coming out I was telling my best friends only, so they were all guys. They were hard to tell, however I think it was because they were my best friends, not because they were guys. Now, when I meet new people it's not any harder to tell a guy than it is to tell a girl. Neither gender seems to care. However, girls tend to be more excited to hear about it, where as guys are just like "oh ok, that's fine".
     
  3. confused102188

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2009
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Florida
    I find that really cool that all your best friends are guys. I wish I was more like that. All mine are girls lol.
     
  4. george678

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2008
    Messages:
    866
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    England
    My best friends are mainly girls to :grin:, but they react like 'omg really' and ask 50 million questions whereas, guys I told were just like 'Oh I see, ok' Or 'Really' I don't think guys now seem to care, as long as you don't come on to them. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  5. Filip

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I must say that for me, coming out to guys definitely happened a bit slower than coming out to girls.

    I guess my mind went like this: when you come out to girls, you’re making the situation more easy for them: you defuse all awkward situations where they could think you’re hitting on them, and you’re allowing them to discuss which boys are hot!
    With guys, it’s the opposite. Some of them might feel more vulnerable (“Is he checking me out, now?”). Also, coming out feels like showing vulnerability, and most guys have trained themselves in not showing vulnerability to other guys.

    That’s the theory, however. Those were mainly the thoughts that went through my head when planning who to come out to, and right before actually going ahead with it.
    Sure, some guys made one or two awkward remarks about not going to turn their backs to me anymore, or putting a plate in their pants if I was sleeping in the same room, but in the end, none of them were anything less than accepting, just like the girls were. So most of it is all in your mind. As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it, they’ll see it’s just a part of you they never saw, rather than this big friendship-altering secret.

    As TitaniumCloset says, it’s easier to come out to new people as well. Relationships seem to come up anyway when talking to new people and if you’re out right from moment one, they never need to adjust to the thought, which helps a lot.
     
  6. Lebowski45

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 16, 2010
    Messages:
    263
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    UK
    I agree with what a lot of people have already said, it seems more awkward trying to tell guys (at least that's what I thought). Filip basically summed it up. However, from my own experience, since all my best friends are straight males I didn't have much of a choice in the matter. All three of them took it really well and didn't make much of a big deal about it. I was expecting their attitudes toward me to change in a way but they didn't at all. I guess you live with it in your head for so long, that it turns into such a bigger deal than it actually is to people.
     
  7. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    The only thing different is the "I hope they don't think I'm telling them this because I'm interested in them" layer. And that's easily handled with some well-chosen words. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  8. fringelunatic

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 30, 2010
    Messages:
    135
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Glasgow, UK
    I can't say I found it any harder. The first five people I told were guys; one, admittedly, gay. I found it harder to tell one girl because everybody else treated us as though we were a couple. Otherwise, I have no problem telling anyone, if they ask.
     
  9. x2x2x2x2y2

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2009
    Messages:
    2,326
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Wonderland (and California, USA)
    ^Yup.