So i just moved into college and I already have a new roomate, the way the rooms here are set up is it two rooms connected by a bathroom with two people in each room. So, my first roomate K basically talked to me once found out i was gay and stopped talking to me, so i started talking to my new roomate, P, who was also my old suitemate, and he decided to swith K so K would be living in the other room. My final roomate is J and Basically it has come down to, J and K are not okay at all living with a gay guy and P is okay as long as "he doesnt see it" which is a huge problem for me cuz I was hoping college would be my chance to live a little and get involved in the LGBT community. And no matter what i refuse to leave the room, I love the placement of my residence hall and i dont want to lose that. So idk what to do... like none of them talk to me and whenever i walk into my room they all leave and go to the one next door....
You've been on campus for a day or two. Your roommates have likely never had to interact with gay people before, and they are dealing with a ton of new stuff being at college for the first time. So... give it a little time. In a way, they are going through the whole denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance thing in a very minor way with accepting they have a gay roommate. Unless they're complete turds, they'll come around before too long. At the same time, as they are trying to get comfortable with you, try and honor their wishes too. Be yourself, but don't flaunt your gayness unnecessarily, i.e., talk about it when it's appropriate but don't look for reasons to bring it up or rub it in their faces. And certainly don't avoid becoming involved in the LGBT community. My guess is once they get more comfortable with college life, they'll also get more comfortable with you.
As hard as it might be, I think it's best to keep an outstretched hand at all times. If they ignore you, or feel uneasy, pretend not to notice and just act as if nothing is out of the ordinary. Just try to keep making smalltalk (it gets easier as the year progresses and you have things to complain about, like unreasonable professors or lots of tasks. Complaining about classes makes for the best smalltalk, really ). It might take a few awkward days or even weeks, but sooner or later they'll start to notice that you're not hanging up rainbow posters on the bathroom wall, hopping around in a pink tutu, and that, oh wonder of wonders, they're not turning gay themselves. It might not mean they suddenly become gay rights enthousiasts, but they'll learn to accept you. I doubt that P means he doesn't want to see the slightest hint of you being gay anywhere on campus. I think the more reasonable assumption is that he would feel uncomfortable walking in on you and a boyfriend in the throes of passion, or by you hosting the LGBT community meetings on your room. So this doesn't mean you can't be out and prod anywhere. Just keep it out of the room, at least untill they get more comfortable.
Roommates are a tricky thing, especially at college where no one gets any privacy. Like Chip said, you've only been there a couple of days, so there's still time for everything to settle into a groove. Beyond that, do whatever you were going to do anyway. Do not go back into the closet or avoid getting involved with LGBT orgs or whatever you were going to do anyway. When it comes to roommates, there are certain things you do and don't do. If your roommate has a problem with you leaving your clothes lying around or would like you to move your dresser over a bit so they have room to squeeze their extra-large refrigerator into the room or wants input on the posters you put up, those are things you bend on. When your roommate wants you to stop being who you are, that's when you stand fast. In the short-term, that means that you should probably avoid putting rainbows on everything and putting up a bunch of posters of naked guys. Conversely, since your roommate doesn't want you to be "too gay", you should make sure he's not "too straight". No double-standards. If you put a hot guy as the desktop on your computer and he bitches, then either tell him to deal with it, or make sure that when he puts a hot girl on his computer that you tell him to change it. Same for posters and things like that, and same for having "company" over. And, make friends on your floor and in your building and across campus. In this case, having friends in the building, especially your RA, can act as a support network if things start going stupid, either by offering a place for you to spend a lot of your time or, in the case of an RA, having official channels in which you can address massive issues.
To me, "I don't have to see it" means "don't go down on a guy with me in the room". And I would think that'd be a given. I'll echo what everybody else said. Let the get to know you, keep making friends, keep being friendly. I think eventually you'll see a thaw. Lex
