I'm having a huge problem right now with something i promised I wouldn't have a problem with. My roommates and I are moving to the 3rd floor apartment in the building we currently are living in (on the first floor). We did this so that all the rooms would be an equal size, because down here, they're not equal. Last night Ryan, the roommate with the smallest room bitched about having the smallest room all year and ended up getting to pick whatever room he wanted instead of doing the random draw that the other three of us did. To me that's complete bull shit. He did not even mention his problem with the room until 6 months in, and after that we started paying him 25 dollars a month to live in it. On top of that, we've only seen him do dishes or clean anything for that matter once all year. He does not interact with us at all. When he's home, which is rare, he just sits in his room and is anti social. He never knows what's going on around the apartment. He's not even paying for it, his dad is, so whenever we need money for utilites i have to go and ask his dad for the money. And finally, he's almost broken the shower a good number of times because he turns the dial thing way too far to the side. I wanted him to be in the random drawing with us because that's the only 100% fair way to pick rooms. (he didn't even make any effort to make his situation better) Well my other two roommates for some reason agreed with HIM and not me. It doesnt make sense to me. I'm the one who literally put ALL the effort into moving us up there to solve the situation with the rooms. I went and looked at that apartment, I discussed it with them, I got all the paperwork and information they needed to make the whole thing work smoothly. I'v been organizing all the utilities and making sure everythign gets switched to our new address. And on top of that, all year I'v been the one making any and all maintenance calls to our realitor and getting things fixed that we want fixed. In the random drawing between me and my other roommates I got the smallest room which will in no way fit all of the stuff I have now. Ryan seems to think it's completely fair for him to be in whatever room he wants because he didnt get paid the other 500 dollars he could have made off of us for the time that we didn't know he had a problem with his room. I say that's his problem, I'm not responsible for time he didn't speak up and try to better his situation. Sitting and bitching about shit in your room but never doing anything about it should not be rewarded in any way. I'm not sure he realizes that everyone else made an effort to put themselves in the best situation possible but him. It's not as if we've just been lounging around the house and stuff magically gets fixed and cleaned. I try talking to them about these things but my roommates always feel bad and take ryan's side about this stuff. It's really not fair at all that ryan should get one of the best rooms while i'm stuck with the worst room that doesnt get heat in the winter when I'm the one who put all the effort into everything this year and prepared everything for next year. Yes there was a random drawing of rooms but Ryan was not involved and he was by far the worst roommate I had this year. He stayed out of the way the first half of the year so I didn't ahve a problem, but as soon as we started paying him to live there, he stopped being nice, now he's a douche whenever i talk to him. I'm incredibly frustrated and dont know what to do. I want to redraw rooms with everyone involved because i dont want to ahve this animosity towards him, and that's what i was trying to avoid with random drawings. They just dont work unless everyone else is involved. Am I crazy, or do I deserve better than this?
Start looking for new digs, or start seriously taking people to task on this shit, especially if the guy that's being the biggest issue is also breaking stuff and not doing his fare share. As a question, whose names are on the lease? When I had my apartment (which I just gave up a few months ago), my name was the only one on the actual lease, and anyone else was just listed as a tenent. That meant that I was the only one that could make official decisions regarding the apartment, which also gave me the power to change the tenent list. Happily, it never came up, but if I would have had a roommate that was being too big of a problem, I could have told him/her to get out, and if they refused, I could change the tenent list and then get the law to get them out.
Here's how it will be next year. You get the small room, and Ryan gets the big room. Ryan also will not do anything to clean or fix anything in the place, but will probably complain loudly when something isn't to his liking, and may continue passively breaking things and making things worse. The other two guys appear to have agreed to these terms. And since there's three of them, and one of you, you pretty much will be overruled. Therefore, expect this to be the way things are the entire part of the year. If you're unhappy with this arrangement, walk. Lex
this. Oh and to make things easier, if you like the other 2 people, then as the year progresses, you can point out the lack of Ryan's assistance in the household, and if/when it continues then the next time their vote should be against him.
I am pretty much stuck in this situation. I moved in yesterday, the room is the smallest but thankfully still fits my stuff (minus 1 desk, i had two because i have two computers). Ryan showed up an hour late to move our stuff yesterday, then pretty much only unpacked his own things. I'd like to just not help out at all and let them fend for themselves this time around, but I don't want to have to wait for them to get their acts together. I'v unpacked mostly everything myself because I dont want to look at boxes full of shit and have to search for stuff. Despite one of my roommates making the appointment for the cable guy to come, I had to be the one to deal with the situation. I had to answer all his questions and everything. I also had to practically nag my roommates to switch the utilities over to our new apartment and stuff. If I weren't here, they'd all be out on the streets, and none of them seem to realize that. I can't leave the situation i'm in now, no matter how bad it gets because it says in our lease that we are not allowed to sublet the apartment and they withdraw rent directly from our bank accounts. So either I leave and continue to pay for an apartment i'm not using or I stay and deal with this asshole of a roommate. My other two roommates seem to not notice or care that Ryan does NOTHING around the house and will continue to do NOTHING around the house. I'll give it some time here and we'll see if things change with Ryan. So far, he hasn't done anything for anyone but himself. He is oblivious to the world. One of my roommates asked me to help him carry stuff up from the basement because it's not all up yet. I told him I'd help him later, but then I realized Ryan is home, so why the hell can't anyone ask HIM for help? ---------- Post added 2nd Sep 2010 at 04:46 PM ---------- Also, All of our names are on the lease, however life would be easier if it were just my name on the lease. We're all viewed as equal tennants of this apartment by the landlords, so we should all be equal, but Ryan doesn't seem to think so.
>>>My other two roommates seem to not notice or care that Ryan does NOTHING around the house and will continue to do NOTHING around the house. >>>One of my roommates asked me to help him carry stuff up from the basement because it's not all up yet. I told him I'd help him later, but then I realized Ryan is home, so why the hell can't anyone ask HIM for help? It sounds like they HAVE noticed. Which is why they asked you. Look, it's pretty clear what the dynamic is in your household. You're the guy that gets everything done. If you don't do it, it doesn't get done. End of story. And if you DO decide to not do something, they won't suddenly realize that they're being unfair, and start pitching in. They'll simply notice that you're not doing what you normally do, and either keep letting it slide, or they'll bitch about the fact that you're not doing what you normally do. Is it unfair? Of course. But it isn't going to change. I don't care how much you complain or argue or point it out - they've decided that you're going to be the one to handle all this shit. And, presumably, you've done it up until this point. Which simply underscores the fact that they don't have to do anything - you'll do it. And they're apparently cool with Ryan not doing anything and paying less than his fair share. What do you do about it? Nothing you CAN do, really. Stay in your tiny room, and keep doing everything that you feel needs to get done. The dynamic is set, and there's really nothing you can do to change it. Lex
Lex, You may be right. Currently we dont have a kitchen table and I left all the pots and pans unpacked right where they were when they got brought up, On the floor in the middle of the kitchen. Today Ryan went through one of them to get something he needed, he left everything he took out to get to it on the floor. Why? I don't know, it would have been just as easy to put it away somewhere, he wouldnt even have had to do anything but move his body in the other direction. They're literally next to the cabinet where they go. But if I just leave shit on the floor like that, sure, eventually it will get picked up by someone. But none of them will notice that I didn't do it or that they were on the floor for a ridiculously long time. I'm gonna try to talk to Ryan about this tomorrow. Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll listen to reason. I'm just going to politely ask that he put the pots and pans away. If he says he doesn't know where they go, I might just have to kill him. We've lived together for a year, they've always been in the same place, the kitchen is the exact same as last year. Part of the problem might be that I have trouble trusting them to do anything responsible or reasonable. For instance, our landlord came to check up on the apartment and make note of anything that needs to be fixed today. Two other roommates were here, but I was the only one willing to let the guy in and write down some of the things he pointed out (we have to email him on tuesday with a list of things to be fixed). I don't mind doing things like that. I don't trust my roommates to do responsible things since i'v lived with them for a year and I can't get anything done unless I do it myself. The least I could ask for is the slightest bit of respect from them. I'm beginning to think that if I don't start getting the respect I deserve, I'll just start taking away the things I brought to the apartment (the TV, silverware, sharp knives, plates, coffee table, pillows, xbox, wii, not to mention I won't call the realitor for any of their problems anymore, I'll stop sharing information with them about our living situation (because they always seem completely oblivious), I'll stop reminding them about bills). Basically any responsibility I once took that doesnt affect me is going to stop happening and they can fend for themselves. I'm beyond the point where I care if they like me. I'm friends with two of them, but that's something i'm willing to lose if I have to be treated this way.
Can I ask why you decided to live with these people - especially as it seems you had an opportunity to leave? There are financial reasons for having roommates, absolutely - but surely there are better people you could live with. I don't foresee your convo going all that well - based on what you've written, nothing will change, and you'll create a dynamic where it's everyone else vs. you. I think you'll only feel resentful at the outcome.
One of the quickest ways to stop being friends with somebody is to room with them. Don't do anything to put your self in jeopardy. Keep harping on them to get the bills paid, for instance, since that'll impact you. But other than that, just assume either you do things or things don't get done. Don't waste time with "wouldn't it be nice if..." or "if he was considerate, he'd..." or "all he has to do is..." He won't do it. Talking to him just makes you a nagging bitch who's harshing his buzz...and he STILL won't do it. Oh, and look ahead to next year. Better a tiny place on your own than a repeat. Lex
The reason i'm living with them again is because it's the cheapest thing i can do. Also, we have a pretty nice apartment and don't pay that much, and that's a really rare thing where i live. So it's either I live there with them, or I don't live there at all. I'd rather live in this apartment than not. The other two roommates are not nearly as bad as Ryan. They are reasonable people who will at least do things when asked (not that I like having to ask). Today Ryan asked me for the 25 dollars I "owe" him for living in the small room on the first floor for august. Also, I asked him to put away the pots and pans that are on the floor. He's not getting a single cent from me unless he actually does it and doesnt make me have to ask like a billion more times. I won't sit here and just accept that this is just the way he is because that doesnt work for me. I'm not just gonna be walked all over all the time. I have no problem giving him the 25 dollars if he becomes and equal and active part of what goes on in our apartment. If he doesn't, then I see no reason that I should give him anything. If I have to accept that this is the way he is, then he has to accept that this is the way I am. I don't like the way he's acting so he doesnt have to like the way I am acting.
Care to explain this owing him money thing. You pay him to live in your house? I know i'm from a backwards country and all, but you usually have to PAY to live somewhere, not the other way around. Going back to your first post and 'his' money situation, his dad pays for it, big deal. If he chooses to sit in his room and be anti-social, let him. Its not like he 'has' to be your friend. If i lived in a share house, i'd just stay in my own room, although i hate living with other people, so thats always a last resort.
He had the smallest room last year, and didnt say anything about hating his room for 6 months. Then he said something and no one wanted to move into the small room so we decided to pay him 25 a month each to live there. So basically he would be paying 500 a month while the rest of us are paying 600 a month. We only paid him for half the year because he didn't bring up the problem earlier. I refused to reward him for not speaking up earlier. I don't care if he's anti-social, but I do care if he doesn't contribute at all to doing dishes or cleaning anything or doing anything for anyone else. I don't really want to be his friend, I think he's a complete asshole.
>>>If I have to accept that this is the way he is, then he has to accept that this is the way I am. I don't like the way he's acting so he doesnt have to like the way I am acting. Bingo. That's it. You've drawn your line. And you don't have to give him the $25. Ever. Just tell him "Sorry, I don't think I owe it to you." And refuse to discuss it any further. Lex
I'm with lex, if the agreement was 600 a month, thats the agreement, small room or not. You shouldn't owe him anything.
Technically we can't kick anyone out of our apartment because we are all equal tennants and they told us when we signed the lease that any problems we have with eachother needs to be settled by us not them. So basically I ended up giving him the 25 dollars, but that was after I talked to him about the reprocussions of not helping out around the house this year. I told him I'd only give him the 25 if he put everything away in the kitchen. He did it without me having to ask a second time so I figured I'd give him the 25. I'm hoping that if I can't change the way he views responsibility then maybe I can atleast get back on good terms with him and not let him make me miserable in my own house. He seems to be making the effort to be more friendly towards me. The other day I was watching something on TV and he started a conversation with me that wasnt about serious things, or bitching about anything or making me feel like i'm not as cool as he is or something.
