Hey Guys; So this thread probably rides the wave of all the other college roommate threads, considering move-in day is approaching quickly - but I do have about 20 days to mull over this. I haven't told my roommate that I'm not exactly hetero, but I was debating on whether I actually should. I haven't been out to anyone except my parents, and that ended up really badly (that's another subject altogether though), but to make a long story short, they weren't exactly pleased (huge understatement), thinking it was some sort of lifestyle choice. It went so far that they almost threatened to put my future education on the line. So far, the power is in their hands, and I've decided to lay low for a while. So, as you can see, my trepidation for coming out has been justified - I think. I mean, the worst thing that could happen is that they find out and pull the rug from under me sometime in the middle. It's also why I'm hesitant on being 100% open before I even go on campus. I also don't want to come off too strongly on behalf of my sexuality because 1. It's not a huge part of my life, and 2. My roommate and I haven't had a ton of correspondences. He seems nice, but not the type to make small talk. There's also the concern of him being uncomfortable if I told him, and I've looked up the room swap procedures - I highly doubt that the RAs will let me switch based on sexual orientation alone - they apparently don't discriminate based on that - plus the fact that I'd have to find 2 other people willing to switch with me. Needless to say, it's a hassle. Furthermore, I can't switch until I go on campus (actually, I'm not too sure on that). But even if I could email the RAs, they'd know that I'm basing off my concerns on sexuality alone. So if I wasn't able to change, and I did come out to him, I'd be opening up another can of worms that I wouldn't have wanted anyway.
I'd go ahead and let it ride for right now. Some roommates end up being something like BFFs. And other simply share living space. Not that they hate each other or anything, but they simply don't have enough common ground to really develop a friendship very far. And it sounds like you might end up in that second category. If that's the case, there's really no need to come out to him. (Unless you start dating, and you want to start bringing your boyfriend home. At that point, I'd say it's a good idea to let him know.) Just go ahead and feel him out. If you end up bonding, and becoming more like friends, then you can revisit the idea. Lex
I say don't worry about it now. I also haven't told any of my house mates. I'm pretty sure a few of them suspect cause I can be a bit flamboyant sometimes but unless one of them asks or I start dating a guy I'm just going to keep it to myself. But that might just be because I'm afraid of people's reactions. If you do want to tell him do what I did with my friends when I told them. Test the water with hypothetical questions that ended up not to be hypothetical. It is probably the way I'm going to come out to my parents too.
Email the department of residence life and ask if they'll approve of room swaps due to irreconcilable differences (I know that's the usual reason for a divorce) but what I mean is, let's say you do come out to your roommate in the beginning of the semester, and he's cool with it, great! If he's not, then that will cause problems. Sure you guys might just not talk to each other, but if it gets any worse, residence life will have to do something. The reason they won't let you switch based on orientation alone might be because it's unnecessary and your orientation might not cause a problem. However if it is a problem, something has to be done. So tell your roommate first if you find the need (maybe wait until right after you move in). And if it's an issue, talk to your RA.
Although I can't predict, after all that's been happening, believe me - dating the is the last thing on my mind :/ haha We can make room swaps based on other criterion, but the options that we have are that: 1. There is a vacancy in another room or 2. There is another room with two people willing to swap out one roommate for me In both instances, I'd have to go through the process of coming out and making sure that they're okay with who I am (possibly multiple times depending on the tolerance of the people in the dorm), which, ideally, I hope to not have to do. But I also would like to continue being in a double, so I guess I'm kinda bringing this upon myself.
If you need to switch, try to find some guys that you know will be cool with your orientation, and understanding of your situation, that way one might volunteer to switch with you. At least at my college there were always room vacancies. It shouldn't be too much trouble finding a vacant spot.
Honestly, I would say tell him because if he over reacts and wants to move out at least you arnt best friends or close yet and hes just another butthole that cant handle homosexuality and thats his lose. so i vote tell him.
True. If you come out to him, and he's got a problem with it, tell him if it bothers him so much, then HE can move out. No one said you had to go through that inconvenience.
Well, our dorm is fairly small, so I do want to keep it civil. The school's pretty friendly, and my roommates are probably more likely to be uncomfortable than overly hostile. I do understand your point though. Thanks for all the replies so far guys
