The first person I ever told that i was gay was my best friend, about three years ago. i was pretty much fine with just one person then, because it was probably the hardest thing i'd ever tried to do. But lately, since about last year, i've really started to actually become really lesbian, as opposed to aware ofe my sexuality. I live in a pretty homophobic society, but i know im not at a physical risk, and that i have friends that will support me if i come out. i am also really desperate to come out because it drives me crazy trying to hide myself. so the first step is to come out to my friend. the friend in question is straight, but is for gay rights, and has a couple of male gay friends. i have two problems: that she'll treat me differently because im lesbian as opposed to gay, which means i would be a threat to her heterosexuality. Is this stupid or has anyone else had this. and secondly, i am scared, and i have no idea how to come out to her. i dont really know exactly what im scared about, i just am. and, lastly, in other places, people have told me to wait until i was older as i was most likely confused. i dunno if people here are likely to say that (im hoping not) but i know i'm most definitely lesbian, and i have known since i was seven
I know how scary it is to come out to anyone, I'm afraid that's just the way it is. We're scared that people we like could reject us, or act differently around us, but in the vast majority of cases that doesn't happen. It's something that's deeply personal too and many people - like me - find it hard to talk to others about things like that. It's never going to be easy. Its really a matter of trying to overcome that fear. You don't know how to tell her, I tried telling one of the people I came out to face to face and just couldn't get the words out. But the next time he was on msn, I typed the words out and managed to tell him. I did the same with another friend. I found it far more comfortable that way rather than talking about it face to face. There's many ways you can tell her other than in person if you find that more comfortable, phone, email, letter, msn etc. I felt the same way about trying to tell my friends that I'm gay, because they are all straight males. I still do have this fear when it comes to telling more of them, that somehow they'll think I'm interested in them, and they'll act differently around me etc. I was taken aback by just how accepting the three I've told were though. After initial surprise, it was just like I hadn't even mentioned anything. They act exactly the same around me. People are a lot more open minded and understanding than we give them credit for I think. If your friend is a real friend, she'll accept you nomatter what. The fact she supports gay rights and has gay friends only reinforces that she will. She's open minded and understanding and I bet she will be with you as well.
I've had opportunities to tell her on msn all summer, since i decided to come out. my problem is than it seems so pathetic and cowardly to do it like that. but im actually sitting in front of her right now. we're on our laptops in the same room. and i just cant say it. so maybe your right; i should use msn. i also came out on a drama course over the summer, and i'm still in contact with some of the people there. that was step two. step four is my family, but i think i'll wait until they've finished paying my college fees first.
She's your friend and probably has been for a while if you trust her enough to tell her you're gay. She most likely won't see this as 'threatening her heterosexuality'. I thought similar things when coming out to my male friends as gay that they'd treat me differently now that I'm the "gay friend". I told them, they were all accepting and nothing has changed. We all are still cool and they treat me no differently. I don't think your friend will change in how they treat you either because you said they support gay rights and have other gay male friends. Best of luck.
