I just need someone to talk to right now...

I will do my best to not make this a wall of text.

I guess that I should start off by saying that there's this guy I like, at least I think I like him. We've known each other for a little over a year, as we met last fall during band camp. We get along really well. He has the most beautiful eyes(blue, my personal favorite)! Heck, he's even bisexual(and from what I've gathered from him, he leans towards gay), which means that I have, theoretically, some shot with him. From this information alone, it sounds like I should just muster up the courage and ask him out, right? There are a few snags, though(according to the one friend I've discussed all this with).

First off, he's 26 and I'm 19. Personally, I don't care about the age difference, as I have always found older men more attractive compared to men my age. We are both of legal age, so that won't be a factor. The age difference between us might be the only thing that my friend doesn't really care about. The only thing that might bother me about the age difference is the different levels of experience. I know he has had relationships in the past and I haven't had any.

Second, I told my friend that the person I like was also the first person I came out to. She seems to think that I just really look up to this person because they were the first person I was able to tell and that's the only reason that I like them(basically that it is all just an illusion in my mind). the thing is, I liked this person since like the first week I knew them, and I didn't come out to them until a few months later, and that was only because I was planning on coming out, for the most part, over the next few days and I just wanted some personal advice from someone that was already out. That fact alone makes em thing that my feelings may be genuine. Not to say that I don't look up to them, but that I think there's more than that.

I would have to guess that this third reason is almost a combination of the first and second reasons. This is really the only factor that's bugging me. I never knew my father when I was growing up, due to divorce. I never even met the man. The only time I saw him was at his funeral this past May. It was sad, but I had really complicated feelings. I mean, my father had died, so I should be sad, but I had never met the man, so it was almost like going to the funeral of a stranger. Anyways, I'm beginning to wonder if I just like this person because they are an older male that could potentially act as a role model in my eyes. This could also explain why I seem to like older men, as it would follow the same principle. I have never really felt like I have needed an older male figure, at least consciously, as my mother raised me well and I have never really had any regrets, it's just that ever since hearing about my father's death, this thought has been in the back of my mind and how it might apply to this situation. On the other hand, my mother has been in a relationship for the past 6 or so years, and we all live together in the same house, so I have had a father figure since then, which is what is making me sway back and forth on this whole issue.

I guess I'm just asking what everyone's take on this whole situation is. My main question is whether I should just talk with him about all of this, explaining everything(doing my best to make myself not sound crazy while doing so). I'm not sure I can go on like this for much longer. I mean, I had a crush on him last year, but after talking with my friend she told me to do my best to not think about, and it probably wouldn't work out well. I did and it worked for a while. Now that summer has passed, and classes have started back, I can't stop thinking about him anymore. It's really painful when we all hang out, usually at his place, and everyone is having a good time and I'm just doing my best to not stare at him. Sometimes I cry about all of this because I keep doubting myself and this whole thing, and I don't wanna have to go through that anymore. Personally, I think that talking to him about this will be good for me, because then he can understand what I'm thinking and if he doesn't share the same feelings, or at least similar ones enough for us to give a relationship a try, then I will know. I would then be able to go about being friends with him(I mean, we're all adults, right?). He's a great guy and I would hate not having him as a friend. This past year has been great, and he has been a great part of it!

TL,DR - I like this guy, and there are a few concerns between me and a friend about this whole ordeal. Should I discuss all of this with the guy?

Also, I feel like I'm forgetting to mention something, but my mind is going crazy right now because of classes, this whole situation, and other things. I'm sure someone will ask a question that will trigger something and then I'll add that information as well.

Thanks in advance for any/all advice! I'll check back later, as I'm about to go practice my trumpet!

 

You are probably right about me over thinking the situation. I mean, I have spent the majority of this past year thinking about everything. Heck, last night, while I was trying to get to sleep, I had decided that I was going to talk to him, but when I woke up today, the longer I was awake, the more I was against the idea. I guess I just need to think of a time that I can talk with him, one on one, and see what happens. I just hope I don't make anything awkward since we have band classes together all week and we were paired into the same brass quintet this semester...