I wrote just yesterday that I was excited because a girl had held my hand and put her arm around me for the first time. Well as it usually goes, it was too good to be true. She just sent me a message saying that she's actually seeing other people, and she only wants casual dates and open crap. In all honesty I just had a pretty huge panic attack/crying episode. It doesn't help that I am currently trying to come off anxiety medication. But seriously, fuck my life! Every time I have liked someone, they have either not liked me back, or lead me on and then ruined it later. I'm 24 and I only just got my hand held for the first time. And then she goes and fucks it up. I'm so upset right now. I was so upset I thought I would throw up. I know that's pathetic. It's 'no big deal' to people, but to me, it's huge. She didn't know it was such a big deal I suppose. She didn't know she was the first one to hold my hand. I just feel like dying right now. If I'm never going to have a girlfriend, then what's the point in anything? I think I'm going to stop trying, because it always ends badly. What am I doing wrong? Am I cursed? Am I just completely stupid? I need a hug. It's 11:30pm and I can't ring anyone. I have to get to work at 7:15 tomorrow. FUCK. :tears:
(&&&) Internet hugs for you. It is a big deal, don't sell yourself short. You were badly hurt and that's never a small thing. I doubt you're doing anything wrong. There really is no right or wrong when it comes to being yourself. You just got unlucky and met the wrong people. It happens. If you keep trying there's a good chance things will work out eventually, even if it takes a while. Now if you're still having no luck when you reach 65, that's probably the point to give up. That's still 40 years away though, so you still have plenty of time. For now, just have a good cry, put on some restful music and have a good night's sleep. Things will look better in the morning. P.S. By the way, if you think you're pathetic, I'm 25 and I've never even been on any kind of date, never even flirted or anything. Now that's pathetic.
Aww im sorry to hear this but really its her loss, I know it doesnt feel like it right now, but I promise you that you will get there. You just have to remember how much you liked it when she did it and how nice that was, well one day someone will do that and really mean it, and then you will forget about all the bad stuff.
There's nothing wrong with you, especially not for being upset. She hurt you, and that's not okay. If she was only looking for open stuff and not really interested in more, she should have been open about that before she started showing you affection like that. You're not pathetic, and you're not doing anything wrong. The right person just hasn't come along yet. I know it's cliche to say that, but it's true. Someday you will find the right girl for you and they'll hold your hand and put their arm around you and they'll mean it when they do it, and that will make it that much better.
Awwwwww (*hug*) I am sorry Jess and I totaly understand that this was a big deal for you. Don't worry, you're going to find someone you'll love and who'll love you back just the same. It's just a matter of time. Feel free to cry as much as you want and to mourn your hopes, but hold on, things are going to get better. (*hug*) Cécile
Thanks guys. I feel slightly better now that it's the next day. Now I just have to respond to her message.
You pointed out that she "didn't know" it was such a big deal. Given that, don't blame her for "leading you on", since she obviously didn't have any way of knowing that that's what she was doing. Just let her know that you're quite a bit behind her in this department, and so it hit you a lot harder than it did her. She was there at one point, so she should understand. Lex
Thanks guys. I wrote this to her: Thanks for your message, and for letting me know when you did. Hmm, well I'm not really sure how I feel about this. To be honest (and I'm not surprised if you already worked this one out), Sunday was the first time I have ever held hands with anyone. I really enjoyed it, and I must say thanks for being the first to make me feel like that But yeah, I'm very uncertain and nervous about intimate stuff, and I suppose I struggle to understand the concept of 'open' relationships. Part of me would really like to see you again, but the other part knows that I would get hurt. Sunday was pretty major for me. I realise it probably wasn't for you, because you have done that heaps of times before. I think that maybe you might be after someone who is a little more relaxed and willing to jump into things. I think for me, I need someone who is going to be committed and take things slow. Does that make sense? ... She wrote back that she understood and had been there herself. She said I'm probably right re: what she is looking for. She still wants to be friends, and I agreed to that. She said that she could tell I hadn't been with anyone before.
