Okay so this /might/ be a bit all over the place but with school starting there is a a lot of chances for me to make changes in my life. First thing is GSA. My school has a small group led by my favorite teacher. I want to join but I am really nervous about going. I don't know anyone who is in the club and I just don't know if I am ready for the questions I might get when I go. Half the time I just think to myself that I should just go for it because honestly what happens in high school has little importance compared to the rest of my life. The other half of the time I am worried about my friends; I think/hope that most of them have no problem with it but what I am most worried about is that things will just become off. As in, they will still be my friends but put up a boundary. I don't know if I'm just paranoid or what I'm worried that people are going to look at me and think "Lesbian" if I come out. Because honestly that is such a small freaking percentage of who I am!!! If I was straight I would be exactly the same but date guys (EW!). I just don't want a lot of attention on this. So, then I was also thinking that joining GSA might be a good way to kind of come out to people without actually having to tell them. I really don't feel the need to pull people aside an tell, it's not a big enough deal for that. If it trickles down to my friends and other people at school from the few people that know it's not going to be this big dramatic coming out and maybe get less attention(?). Okay kinda-sorta out of context question: Do you have to come out to the GSA group normally or do they not ask? I feel like they wouldn't but.... just another thought on my mind. Okay so another thing is my parents and brother. I kind of feel in my situation that I should come out sooner rather than later. I know they would not kick me out or anything. My dad would be shocked (well maybe not too shocked) and my brother would probably be okay with it. I'm really worried about my mom though. She's not religious and she has gay friends but I've always known that she wanted a little girly-girl to go shopping with and girl-talk with :eusa_sick . She was in shock when I told her that I volunteered at a buddhist meditation place so that tells you how set her image of me is. I mean I know she would get over it but the initial awkwardness might be bad. And I am really bad in awkward situations. We just have such a weak relationship as a family that I think this will distance us more. I mean it could bring us together but it's not like I even really want to make it a discussion point. Should I wait to tell them until I feel comfortable enough to discuss it with them? Because there is a very good chance that I will never feel close enough to do that. Thanks!
>>>I'm worried that people are going to look at me and think "Lesbian" if I come out. Because honestly that is such a small freaking percentage of who I am!!! If I was straight I would be exactly the same but date guys (EW!). I just don't want a lot of attention on this. Well, let's do an exercise, shall we? I found this picture online. Take a look-see. Now, tell me about her. Just by looking at her, what do you think she's all about? Here's a few things I came up. She's female. She's looks to be high school age - maybe 16 or so. Something about the T-shirt and the "up" hair make me think she's an athlete - maybe soccer or track. Her ring makes me think she may have a steady boyfriend (or more?), but that's a guess. And for some reason, I don't think she's a brilliant student - maybe it's all the red marks on that paper she's reviewing. Now the big question - so what? Even assuming I got everything right, so what? She's female - BFD. She's an athlete - and? And maybe she's not the greatest student - why would that matter? See, the "they'll know I'm a lesbian" is going to fall straight into line with all that. The other students know you're female. You don't try to hide that fact from them (I'm assuming). And maybe somebody actually has a problem with that. If so, you presumably don't even know about it. You don't waste (much) time wondering if everybody is judging you because you're female. Or tall/short, or fat/skinny, or anything else. Yeah, you might get a bit self-conscious about it, the same way all teenagers do, but generally, everybody is so wrapped-up in their own neuroses that they don't have time for yours. Being female is presumably not a huge part of your life either, and being gay doesn't have to be, either. >>>Okay kinda-sorta out of context question: Do you have to come out to the GSA group normally or do they not ask? I feel like they wouldn't but.... just another thought on my mind. Our school didn't have a GSA, but I'm assuming they'll want to know. Maybe not immediately but eventually it'll presumably come out one way or the other. >>>I'm really worried about my mom though. She's not religious and she has gay friends but I've always known that she wanted a little girly-girl to go shopping with and girl-talk with . She was in shock when I told her that I volunteered at a buddhist meditation place so that tells you how set her image of me is. I mean I know she would get over it but the initial awkwardness might be bad. And I am really bad in awkward situations. We just have such a weak relationship as a family that I think this will distance us more. Well, is there anything "girl" related that you ARE interested in? Or, more to the point, is there some common ground with your mother at all? It's pretty rare for me to run into people I have absolutely no common ground with. And the best way to strengthen ties with those people is to work our common ground. You probably do this with friends without even thinking of it. If you heard a new band you really love, for instance, you'd probably be more apt to talk about it to your music-loving friends than your book-obsessed friends. Not that you CAN'T talk about it with the book folks, but the music folks are going to be more likely to be receptive, and your talk will presumably be more in-depth. So what DO you have in common with your mother? You both like sports, or cooking, or reading long books on your days off? Give it some thought, and perhaps start reaching out to her using that common ground. Lex
I get what your saying about that picture and stuff. This is one of my lesser fears of coming out but I really needed to hear someone who has already come out say that its not a big deal. My friends are really great so I think it'll be okay. As for GSA I think that I am going to talk to my teacher who is the leader first. I trust her 100% and then it won't be so awkward, I hope... My mom and I have a couple things in common but we just don't talk very much. Like, I really don't enjoy talking about myself and I think that is mostly because I don't like stepping out of my comfort zone. But it is just that: comfortable! Idk where I am going with this.... yea I completely lost my train of thought :lol: sorry :icon_bigg
