Hey there everyone. Well, I'm really terrible when it comes to introductions, so I'll keep it short. I'm really just your average high school senior, getting ready for college, getting a dose of senioritus. But I have been doing a lot of thinking lately...About whether or not I am ready to tell my parents and friends that I am gay. Well first of all, I just want to point out that I have been extremely close to telling my parents. But after re imagining my childhood, I don't know what to do anymore. You see, I would probably be considered the problem child of my family. Being raised by strict, close minded asian parents doesn't exactly help either. I never really did amazingly in my grades, or deal with my family very efficiently (Won't go into that). Being constantly compared to my amazingly genius sister all the time doesn't help either. Sometimes, it really hurts when my parents continue to tell me things like "Oh, why can't you do this right" or "Why can't take the image of being a man in tact". After hearing all of these comments over the span across the last couple of years, I have begun to agree with my parents. Yes, I'm not as smart, strong, or able as you want me to be. All of this disappointment in myself has distanced me incredibly from my family in general, and has continued to drown out my desire to come out. I love my mother and father dearly, and I really don't want to disappoint them any further then I already have. I'm not very close with my father...My father is the conservative type, and I remembered him mentioning a long time ago, that homosexuality was a sickness. As for my mother, she recently joined the catholic church by her catholic fanatic friend (Who had attempted to convert me as well. Of course, I denied.) Combined with the whole disappointment thing, I don't know how well they will deal with it. My family is already going through a really hard time, with my mother being a cancer patient, and my father having to work two jobs to keep this family going. This stress load is unbearable with each family member in my household. I don't know if telling them about my sexuality is the right thing. I know that I will never be happy if I am unable to come out of the closet, but I am desperately worried about how my family will take it, with all of these problems that have been discussed above. What should I do? Prior thanks to those who are reading this rant. >>;
Hi, We have somewhat same scenario...asian family, catholic religion...and still in the closet. Hope we'll get trough with these tough times... and have happy endings.
Hi there iellow, thanks so much for reading! Yea, I know! It's really tough. I wish you the best luck as well. <3
I am in a similar position. My family too has a LOT of stresses right now, and is catholic. As awful as it sounds, telling family that you are gay will add another issue to their lives. If we as gays, lesbians, etc. want our families to accept and understand us, we must be willing to go full circle and accept and understand that they are not going to immediately be okay with it. It's not fair, and it's not right, but it is unfortunately a fact of life. Do what you feel is right in your heart. If you are ready to tell them and you feel that they are at a point in their lives where they are ready to hear it, then go for it!!! I will tell you in my case, however, I have chosen not to tell my father right now. I am ready to tell him, but because his father is dying, it is not the right time to tell him. Maybe you should wait until your mother has kicked cancer's ass before you tell her, or maybe you want to tell her before it's too late? Search your heart. It will ultimately tell you what to do. I wish you all the luck and good fortune with this! (*hug*)
You coming out is the right thing to do,it's just up to you to do it or not.It sounds really hard just to deal with that kind of stress altogether,speaking for you and your household. For me it's really hard to see any real understanding of you by your family,but if you feel you will never be happy in the closet,then come out.Also I know that if you do tell them and they don't understand you or treat you like the black sheep,then your gonna have more questions for yourself to be answered on what to do next,which you can always ask here! I really hope you are able to find a solution and it comes out alright.If you ever need to talk to someone,you can always come to me if you'd like,I'm a great listener!Follow your heart!
Everyone else has given some great replies. I'll just add that since you are in your senior year, maybe it would be okay to wait (if you can) until you graduate and move out of the house? I won't say thats the right thing to do, but it gives you a way of getting away from any negativity that may result as a consequence of coming out. I slightly understand your pain in that my family is catholic, but unlike your family they are Italian (not sure if that says anything, at least its not very comparable to being Asain). I actually did come out to my parents about a year ago now. I felt bad at the time because I never felt that there was a right time to come out, and my parents were having marriage trouble. But you know what, my dad actually said he appreciated my being honest with them and was glad I felt I could talk to them openly. I will also say though, that since coming out and that initial discussion we have not discussed my being gay since then. I know they initially seemed to accept it and they say they will always love me, but I know at the same time they are disappointed and in denial. Just know that when you do come out, don't expect immediate acceptance and be prepared to give them time and space to accept you. I know that's hard, but preparing yourself for that will lessen the heartache somewhat. I went into this thinking my parents would take it better than it did and was deeply dissapointed and upset/discouraged when they didn't. As odd as it sounds you almost have to be the more mature person when you decide to come out. Good luck, and keep coming to EC for support and advice, we are all here for you.
I agree. Maybe you should wait until you move out of the house and then tell your parents. And in the meantime, if you feel like you need to come out to someone, tell a friend that you trust! It will make you feel a lot better. But it's really up to you to decide... Best of luck! :icon_wink
im from indonesia, im a moslems, my families r quite religious, and sum of moslems thinks that gay should b killed... how bad is that? i had plan, tho. fail-proof. but needs a lil shake of luck. wish me sum, will ya!
the same =] also thanks for giving me the pic i need...Im setting up my myspace to where my display photo is a pic of guy and guy kissing, the next is girl and girl, and the last is girl-boy (*hug*)
