Ok over the past year i have developed i guess i can call it a boy crush to a guy at my school he is the only boy i have ever liked my entire life A little bit about the boy Hes 16(as am i) Hes 1 of the 2 openly gay guys at my school Im not sure if this is just a phase because i really like him Now comes my problem If i start hanging out with him to tell him i think i like him and i want to experiment with him then i think my friends will all assume somthing since he is 1 of the only 2 gay boys at my school and if i did date him even to see if i did like him and i end up not liking him regardless of what happens i will be labeled as gay at my school whether or not i am and the stigma of being gay will stick with me even if i wasnt gay. I was thinking about telling my best friend, hes a guy but hes i dont wanna say hot because personally i dont find him attractive but he gets ALL the girls and i think if were to tell him about theese feelings im not sure if he would be completely cool with it seeing as he has kind of a high social status i believe he would think having a gay best friend would put his "reputation" in jeopardy I cant come out to my family because everyone i live with is a guy and i personally think they wouldnt take it too well. Now i dont wanna sound to vague when i say this but i dont know how to put it I am not sure if i would enjoy sleeping with this boy When i say not sure im not saying i dont think i would like it i mean it as a completely Dont know if i would like it or not but for now my preference would be a no I believe the extent i would like to take this relationship to is kissing, cuddling and bonding through ways along the lines of that. Well ide like to give a thanks to anyone who is kind enough to read this and a big thankyou to the owner of open closets for having such an awesome site that i can i guess open up to about my sexual orientation. Im open to feedback or suggestions and questions(!) i clicked the banana cause i couldnt resist.
I would like to add that if i find out that i am not gay i would hate to leave this kid pretty much isolated alone if i had given him any thoughts that we could possibly be together. Seeing as he is one of the only 2 gay kids at the school i would feel terrible if i had done that to him ohhya and sorry for double posting i couldnt edit the first post.
I'm not really an advice person, but I'll give you something to read at least. I recon you should just go for it. If only just to get to know this guy, but not to get too into it. You may find that you really like him, or that you dont like him after all. You should get to know him before diving in. And if you do find that hes right for you, then build on the friendship. Secondly, if your friend thinks that you would harm his social status by being gay, he needs to get his priorities straight. You, his best friend, or being the taste of the month. Whilst everybody knows that being popular and having friends is in fact very important to people, no matter how much we say it isnt, if your friends think less of you for being yourself, truly, they arent friends. Thirdly, you wont alienate this guy by getting close and then deciding to break it off. Its what people do. Unfortunately, it sounds as though your school is rather narrow minded about homosexuality. Thats a shame, but if he has survived this long being gay in that conmmunity, I'm sure there isnt anything you can do to make things horrible for him. I personally think you are really lucky to know an openly gay person, and to have some relationship potential. I'm looking at a pretty long run as a lone soldier myself, but there is potential in your situation. But these are just the words of someone who has no idea what he is talking about. In the end, you have to make the decisions, you have to choose which way to go. I hope this has helped, even a bit. :icon_bigg
Welcome to EC! You've described your situation pretty well. My only question would be - roughly how long have you had these feelings for this guy? Because I'd give different advice if it's been "a week" or "two years". But let me assume it's somewhere in between, and I'll give you some generic advice. This may in fact be the first boy you've liked in your entire life. Not to play the grown-up card, but you ARE only sixteen. Which means you've only had a couple years of "interested in dating et al" under your belt. It may take a few more before you get a better idea on what exactly you're interested in. That's even true when it comes to fantasyland. I know when I was in my teens, I'd get horny at the thought of girls, guys, monsters, aliens, demons, statues, buildings, weather vanes, and boxes of vanilla pudding. As far as this guy goes, well, can you just befriend him for now? Don't walk up to him and say "Hi, I think I'm developing feelings for you, and so I might be gay as well. You wanna do something?" I think it'd be best to just get to know him better. It may be that your attraction wanes over time, and perhaps you just like him as a friend. But let's go ahead and play hypotheticals. Say you've hung out with him for several months, gotten to know him, and your feelings have actually gotten stronger. At that point, you're no longer Random Student Hitting on Him. You're a friend. And you can approach it from that angle. You can tell him "You know, I didn't think I was gay, but I'm finding myself drawn to you more and more." And at that point, you can talk to him about it. Should you fool around with him? Are you afraid of what might happen? What's it like for him to be gay at school? Do you want to be boyfriends, or just mess around once to see what happens? And what does HE want? Admittedly, it's a slower process than simply jumping him after gym class. But it's more likely to result in everybody feeling better about themselves. Lex
I would have to say i started realising i liked him the day i first seen him(even BEFORE he was openly gay) which was back in grade 9 but the feelings have just gotten kind of stronger over the past year i tried to sluff it off in grade 10 and just hide it from everyone but i dont enjoy that. I feel like im in a freaking hole when i do that. its all i really think of that the possibillity that im different from everyone it just makes me extremely socially anxious Pretty much i feel as if i have to open up now or my life feels as if im going to spiral down into depression And i understand you say "What friends could they be if they dont accept my choice" but the thing is maby i was being too harsh, im not really sure how he would react that was jusst a thought or maby even a worst case scenario. and not to sound too cocky here but this didnt quite get answered If i just start hanging out with him my friends will assume somthing before i even come out if i find out i am gay.
If your friends think the only people who talk to gay people are gay people, then perhaps your friends are in need of some more education. >>>its all i really think of that the possibillity that im different from everyone it just makes me extremely socially anxious. News flash - you ARE different from everyone. EVERYONE is. We've all got things that set us apart - be it your talents, your looks, your height, your likes and dislikes, or your sexuality. And one thing you'll learn is that people will be looking to take a cue from you. If you're confident in your individuality, they'll be far more likely to take it in stride. They won't care if you're great at archery, or get straight As, or are shorter than other students, or love veggie lasagna, or dig guys. But you've got to own it. You've to project that vibe of "this is what I am, and I like it". Lex
I know everyone is different and people like you for your individuallity but you got to take into consideration there is a stigma for being gay so everyone isnt quite going to like me as much for that difference as they would every other difference. Also my friends dont think that the only people who hang out with gay people are gay its just if theres a all of a sudden im hanging out with him i think it may have an effect on what people think Due to this kid is not anywhere near my realm of friends or anything along the lines of that and to be honest i believe its because of his sexual orientation Everyone at my school does what they can to stay away from this kid. I dont avoid him to me hes just another kid but that may be because of what im feeling.
It stresses me out knowing how much you care what other people think. Chill out brah You might be gay. Millions of people on the planet would love to see you dead because of that fact. Because they are bigots. Why would you let a bigot have so much power over you and your decisions? Do what feels right quoted for truth. I was out for my entire high school career and because I didn't let people get to me, nobody ever tried. When someone calls you a faggot in the hallway, be even louder than they are. "Yeah, I AM a faggot! What the fuck are you gonna do about it?"
>>>Also my friends dont think that the only people who hang out with gay people are gay its just if theres a all of a sudden im hanging out with him i think it may have an effect on what people think Due to this kid is not anywhere near my realm of friends or anything along the lines of that and to be honest i believe its because of his sexual orientation Then it sounds like you're running into what they call "opportunity cost". If you spend your money on X, you can't spend it on Y. If you order the burger for lunch, you can't have the chicken. And if you start talking to this kid, you might have some friends give you a hard time. Or, to put the same thing backward, if you value your social standing in the school that much, you probably won't get to get to know this kid, and (potentially) fool around with him. Sadly, that's pretty much what it comes down to. No guts no glory and all that. Yeah, it'd be great if there was a way you can befriend him and fool around with him on the downlow, but you can't blame him for not being interested in going that route. (Why should he shoulder the full burden of being "the gay one"?) As it is, you can either reach out to him (and hope your friends don't notice, or don't care as much as you think), or you can leave it as a fantasy. Your choice. Lex
I get it and all the only problem im having is that i am not sure and i dont want to get labeled as what im not. dont take that the wrong way though but what happens if im not gay. I would still be considered gay regardless if i wasnt.
From what I've come to see, it's not unusual for straight people to occasionally have interest in somebody of the same sex, especially in their teen years. A passing gay fantasy doesn't mean turning in your straight card, necessarily. I remember when I first realized I was interested in guys - I thought "Well, maybe this is just a phase." But as the phase stretched into weeks, and months, it seemed that this phase was probably going to last all of my life. You've been mooning after this guy for over a year now. If it's a phase, it's a damned stubborn one. You don't have to do anything with this guy if you don't think you're ready. And really, it doesn't sound like you are. That's fine. Keep the guy as a fantasy for now. You might find it helpful to hang out here some more. Read more threads, post a few times, interact. Get more used to this whole "non-straight" thing that you're currently experiencing. I think it might help. Lex
Thanks alot lex idk it made me think different when you said If i value my social standing cause honestly i dont really value my social standing i dont really care too much of what "People" in general think of me i actullay consider myself kind of a loser at the school already but i still have those few friends who i guess i value mostly because i kind of consider myself a loser but my friends are all cool i guess i think by having cool friends it will bring my social standing up but it hasnt been working out the best(BTW they all think im cool they dont know i personally think im a loser i seem like a happy go lucky guy). but i guess as you said if i spend my money on the (H)amburger i cant have the (C)hicken H=Friends C=Jordan What i am looking to do to put it in your terms is to go with C and still have a ton of cash left over but im not quite sure if i can afford it i guess. But Yeah i plan to roam the site for a while and hopefully it will give me ideas Also i know someone(Relative) who is bisexual i can possibly open up to and she would be all good with it possibly help me understand this more and not tell a soul unless i say otherwise. Thanks a ton lex Also i was told on yahoo answers someone stated this "Those wonderful puberty years. Chances are that puberty has bought out the true you so go for it bro. Nothing ventured nothing gained. Have a talk to him and see if you can be friends then see how things go from there. Get to know him really well and see if those deep down special feelings are there for him. Nothing wrong with being gay it is just a way of life the same as being straight is a way of life." Does this make sense to you do you think it has somthing to do with me being 16 years old that is if its not a phase.
