My family on the outside seem incredibly religious. gay-hating, and god fearing. but lately, for about ten years, my dad has been slowly losing his faith, and possibly his homophobia. about ten minutes ago, we had a rather odd conversation which really interested me. Me: Are you going to church tomorrow? Dad: I think so. Why? Me: Well, you hardly ever go. I don't know why you bother. (my thoughts were lingering on hard pews, and an extremly uncomfortable feeling i always get in churches) Dad: I still have some faith left. I don't want to loose touch with the church completely. Me: I guess. And then we had this weird silence, which was oddly compleplented by the music on my laptop. I had this feeling i was supposed to tell him something i'd been hiding from him for a long time, and that he would accept me for it. but then the moment passed, and i walked away. Did I experience unconditional acceptance, or did i imagine it. I've been considering coming out to my dad quite a lot recently, and this has made me wonder even more whether the right decision is to keep it to myself.
Sounds like a good step. Good luck whether you decide to give it a try or not. Wish you the best with your Dad. There are some accepting churches out there also. I was lucky enough to find one.
The next step is really yours to choose. There is no set schedule for coming out to anyone - and coming out to parents is often the hardest. You'll know your self when the time is right. I don't think you can read too much into your conversation with your dad. If anything you should bring up the topic yourself and ask him what he meant by his statement. Ask him what aspects of the church still attract him and what aspects he has a problem with. You could even ask him if the church's stance on homosexuality is aligned with his own. That might make it pretty obvious that you're gay yourself, but at least you've asked how he's going to feel about it without really coming out to him...
I've gotten them used to me talking about gay issues, and supporting gay rights, i thought maybe the next step would be asking to go to pride. but i recently discovered i will have left home by that time so it doesnt matter. i just have no idea how to say anything to my dad. its so awkward to just say 'i'm a lesbian dad'.
I totally understand. I think we all struggle with "How do I bring this up?!?" There isn't an easy way. It isn't going to 'fit' into a conversation that you're having. Ever! What I often suggest to people is that they preface it with a statement like "I have something important I want to talk to you about." That's a statement that you can say and it doesn't sound odd. Then you have the person's attention. Quite often, the worst case scenario is likely going through their mind - "OMG, she's *insert one* (pregnant, dropping out of school, dying of cancer, moving out, never moving out, etc.)" Then when you share with them that you're gay, for some it will be a relief! It isn't any of those horrible things that they immagined. At least you will have started the conversation. And if your parents are anything like mine, you'll have to start that conversation a few times. They were cool with me telling them I was gay - but then it wasn't ever discussed again. Even though I offered at the time to answer any questions they might have, they never brought it up. So 5 or 6 months later I had to bring it up again and say "Um, hello. Now I'd like to talk about my boyfriend." You'll know when it feels right to tell him. And then you'll tell him in your own way.
