I am having lots of trouble thinking about coming out to anybody else. I have no plans to do it anytime soon mind, but I know I'm going to have to sometime. I really got thinking about it at school today. One of my friends today, in response to me saying 'Danny smells', said, 'stop being a faggot Patrick'. This is a usual occurance, and it doesnt bother me at all. I call her slut, she calls me faggot, you know the way teenagers are these days. But it got me thinking, I feel I will need to tell some of my friends sometime soon. And then we got into this conversation about gay rights around the world, and stuff like that. Another friend not being able to say 'lesbian' out loud took my mind off my troubles for a bit, she felt the need to whisper the word.:lol: I am noticing that my friends call me a faggot much more than I had previously thought. It doesnt bother me that they use the word, or that they aim it at me, but I feel like it should. I dont feel right being able to call people fags and lesbians myself either. All it is is harmless banter, but it just feels, well, wrong. Back to my original point, I dont feel like I will ever be able to be myself. There is potential in the near future of telling a couple of my friends, and I should be able to tell my parents, in due time. But its really my younger brother I'm worried about telling. I've come to the realisation that he is a most likely a homophobe. He is the steriotypical jock type. He plays more sports than any human should, hes an idiot, and he wretches at the thought of emotions. I am 100% positive he will treat me differently after I tell him. Hes the sort of person who, upon finding that someone is, lets say gay, wouldnt be able to sit in the same room with them for at least a year. So I dont feel I will ever be able to sit down with him and tell him. My older brother I'm not so worried about. I'm sure he would just shrug it off and say 'I dont care, now, leave me alone'. But we arent very close as a family. We just live together, have the same genes, and have to see each other everyday. There isnt really much love in the family. Actually, come to think of it, I dont think I have ever in my life, told my Dad I love him, or vice versa. The same goes for my brothers, we just arent close, at all. I just feel so shut up in this closet of mine. I have told a friend so far, but thats just the one, and will probably stay just the one for a very long time. It isnt causing me any stress, but I just dont know where to go from here. I have hit a dead end in my life.
"I have hit a dead end in my life" - a bit drastic! Seriously though, you shouldn't let the decision of who you're going to tell and when make sure a big impact on your life. Like, I know that statement sounds rather insane as it does play an important role in life, it sounds as if you're comfortable with where you are at the moment and aren't stressing and struggling to just get it off your chest and tell everyone. The right time will come along and you'll know you're ready to speak up and come out - even if it's only to one of your friends or to your parents. A small step like this will lead to bigger ones like telling your brother. ;D Hope this makes sense/helps
He's your younger brother. Which means he's fifteen, maximum. And as such, he's at the age of maximum insecurity and maximum bluffingness. If he actually WERE to push away a gay person and never deal with them again, it isn't because he objects that strongly to homosexuality. It's because he's scared shitless that other people would draw the line between the gay guy and him. I know a couple pro athletes slightly. They know I'm gay. And they don't have any issue being in the room with me, talking to me, even getting a photo taken with their arm around my shoulder. Not because they're gay themselves, but because they're secure. They know they're straight, they know I'm gay, and they know interacting with me and touching me (non-sexually) isn't going to be misconstrued by anybody. And if it is, the person who misconstrues it is pretty much a moron. In short, I wouldn't worry much about your brother. You've noticed your own attitude changing towards such things as calling people "faggot". Chances are pretty good that his attitude will change, as well. I'm not saying you'll see him join PFLAG of his own accord, but I doubt he'll make your life a living hell, either. Just save him for later on your coming-out list. Maybe once you come out to your older brother, you can talk to him about what you might do. Lex
wasnt he saying he wasnt worried about his bro? coming out to your friends, well, dont. find some friends, possbily gay but not nececarily, but who you know wont reject you. then you have room to move about in. tell them first, then tell everyone else, because it doesnt matter what happens.
Well, my brother is 13, so that doesnt surprise me. The thing is though, I dont really care if he cant sit near me, or talk to me, or touch me etc. Its not a big deal, we dont do much of that anyway. I just dont want to have to see him everyday if he is going to be all awkward about it. As for rallying some support from my older brother, fat chance. Talking to him results in monosylabic noises and grunts. I dont feel I will be unable to tell them, but I feel it would be awkward to live with them for the initial few weeks after I tell them. But I dont want to have to wait until I have my own place before I tell them. I'm in quite the pickle here. Also, I'm still ill at ease about being to use the word 'fag' so easily. The word doesnt offend me, and I dont care when people use it. But I should, shouldnt I? I dont feel right being okay with it.
Well if your that worried about coming out to your family, start with your friends. I thought I would move out before coming out to my family, but I didn't (for some of them). You see it gets esayer and esayer with every single person, it really does. and eventually you will be able to tell your family/ brothers. I'm also holding out on telling my younger brother (far to immature, and lex said 'insecure').
