My Mom hates it

These reasons are completely biased. She needs some, like, brochures or something. Her opinions are all exactly that, OPINIONS! Saying all gay people are all like, well, Paris Hilton, is completely unfounded, and hey, you could say straight people are like that too, Paris Hilton, for example...

Good Luck. And don't let her stop you from coming out.

 

thats crazy those things do NOT apply to all gay people. I really think you should tell her again but you know she knows if shes making that big of a deal over making sure you know how she feels about gay people

 

You're mother is living in a fantasy world if she thinks Gay people can't have relationships. And if she honestly took your coming out to her in that way, I wouldn't come out to her again; it would probably just make the problem worse. I say live your life the way you want to, and come out to the people who you think will accept and respect you.

 

Sacrificing your own happiness just to make someone else happy is what ive done for fifteen years. It hurts, staying in hurts even more. She's your mother, no matter how she feels about gay people (as silly as her feelings may be) wont affect how she feels about you. She would never want to see ypu hurt because you have to hide yourself from her.

 

Well even though my mom is accepting of my sexuality..There were times I thought she wasnt.
She told me "You are who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. You will also be my baby no matter what"
anyways those reasons to not apply to all homosexual or bisexual guys.
This motto I made,which I consider it more of a short poem though is how I get through my bad days :

I am who I am, your thoughts and beliefs are not mine to understand.
I dont care if you hate gays, I rather be that than you anyday.
Thats how I do and if you dont like it then fuck you too.

Not the best poem-slash-motto in the world but it helps me.

 

I'm sorry your mum still seems to be living in the 70s or 80s... and that's weird that you're in Ontario--from her opinions, I was expecting her (and you) to hail from a more socially backwards country where there maybe isn't as much gay positive material around.

We sleep around about as much as straight people. Some of us are just more open and honest about it.

Does she realise she's calling you, essentially, a slut here?

Oh. my. gosh. Like above, we commit about the same amount as straight people... our relationships might be a bit more prone to coming apart because of lack of societal support, although hopefully that's becomining less of an issue in socially enlightened countries (like Canada is, at its best). What's her basis for thinking we can't commit? Does she think same-sex marriage was something that straight people pushed for?! I mean--that was gay people and gay-positive people all the way who fought for that. Not only can we commit, we spent years fighting so we'd have the right to legally commit.

No, there is less support because of homophobia and heterosexism. It has nothing to do with being able or not able to commit.

Okay, out of a list of totally ignorant things to say, this is pretty much the absolutely MOST ignorant. There is NO sexually transmitted infection that gay people can get that straight people can't get. There is ONE, maybe TWO sexual activities that are more common among SOME gay guys that are higher risk (not like those activities are the ONLY way) for infection of certain STIs. Does she think we're some kind of different, weaker species?

Yeah, I can imagine you might want to correct her vast misinterpretations of the facts. I would think the only good way is to just come right out and say it, maybe armed with some PFLAG brochures/pamphlets to help refute her beliefs about gay people. You could just say quite plainly that you are really hurt by her (incorrect) notions about gay people because you're gay and you don't think you're particularly slutty, particularly unable to form a romantic attachment to people, and particularly likely to engage in unsafe sexual behaviour that could lead to you catching any "diseases." A lot of times when you find people who espouse these extremely negative "package" views of homosexuality, it's because they've never had them challenged and they've never had to actually try to take their theoretical notions of homosexuality and fit them into what they know about someone who they know as an actual real-life person (let alone a beloved family member).

That is, they've never had the motivation to think critically about any by-default homophobic/heterosexist assumptions about gay people. It's very easy to believe poppycock about people if those "people" are just hypothetical figments of your imagination. It's a lot harder to try to saddle your son with such notions. Not that it can't be done, sadly, but it's just a lot more likely people will come to their senses and go, "Well that doesn't make sense... I know X and X is not a diseased slut who can't commit to a relationship."

But yeah, check out PFLAG--see if there's a chapter near you guys. http://www.pflagcanada.ca/

 

shes ur mum, mayb she wont act so accepting at 1st, but i think she ll deal with it. she ll luv u, no matter what. cos that is what mums do

 

If your mum says that sort of thing is basing her judgment on things she has heard and not things she has experienced first hand.

Maybe if you bought her some books which you read yourself before giving them to her, this will give you an idea of what she will be going through, the reactions she might have and help you to understand better if, at first, it is difficult for her

Here is a list of books recommended to me by Pflag
Resource Guide to Coming Out is available. One can order a copy at 1-800 866 NCOD or e-mail [email protected]
Coming Out: An Act of Love. Rob Eichberg, Plume Publishing
All Families are Different. Sol Gordon, Prometheus Books
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk about their Experiences. Carolyn Welch Griffin, Wirth and Wirth, St. Martin's Press
Is it a Choice? Answers to 300 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People. Eric Marcus, Harper, San Fransico
Mom, Dad, I'm Gay: How Families Negotiate Coming Out. Ritch Savin-Williams, American Psychological Assn.
Now that You Know: What Every Parent Should Know About Homosexuality. Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich
Outing Yourself: How to Come Out as Lesbian or Gay to Your Family, Friends and Co-Workers. Michelangelo Signorile, Fireside Books
Trans Liberation: Beyond Pink or Blue. Leslie Feinberg, Beacon Press.

Maybe she doesn't like 'gays' as a stereotyped entity but that doesn't mean that she can't love her gay son. You are still the same person you were yesterday with all your lovable little idiocycracies (how do you spell that?) and your annoying little habits that drive her mad... all the reasons that she loves you so much already!

If you really feel that you HAVE to come out, that you can no longer live this lie, prepare the ground, get her the information or support you think that she needs, tuck yourself in tight for what might be a bumpy ride and then go for it. Everyone here at EC is rooting for you, we will be here to help you through and with a bit of luck her overriding love for you will win through.

I felt honoured and proud of my son for coming out to me, yes it was a shock, yes I was shaken, yes I did cry for the image I had of my son and for myself if I am honest, but there is nothing he can do to stop me loving him... EVER!

He is not a paedophile, he is not a serial killer, he is not a baby abducter, druggie, wife beater (that would be difficult he is only 17) or anything else that afflicts some people. He is just a guy who loves other guys, what can be so bad?

Wishing you all the best in whatever you decide you need to do.(*hug*)

 

So..He would tell his mom he is ordering these?
If not, then its not a good idea-no offence.
Its just that he isnt open about this and wants to be but if someone else in his family gets ahold of this...CATASTROPHE

 

I hadn't thought about him telling his mum he is ordering the books, otherwise he might just as well come out and say it. Since Revan is out to all but his mum and dad, maybe he can get the material sent to one of his friends. Having said that I can't imagine that something addressed to someone would be opened by someone to whom it wasn't destined. That is an invasion of privacy!

It is not a question of keeping secrets or lying, although everyone must do as they feel. I believe we do what we CAN in this life not necessarily what we WANT. Open honesty is of course always best IF YOU CAN but sometimes it just isn't possible, there are too many factors which need to be taken into consideration or you are just not ready psychologically.

I just gave my point of view, it is only mine. I don't have all the answers... far from it but often by sharing view points we can grow and develop our own ideas and make a more informed choice. I wouldn't want anyone doing anything they don't feel happy with.
:goodluck:

 

You were just missing one tiny letter: idiocyncracies

No wait... I'm wrong... it's "idiosyncrasies."

But I would have spelled it "idiocyncracies" myself, so... great minds think alike!

 

There is plenty of information you can even print off the internet. Go to www.pflag.org or www.hrc.org . You mother has these preconceieved notions of gay people that have no basis as fact. Educate her. Give her something to think about.

 

Well then tell her that you're Gay and don't make a big deal out of it. I find that most times, when you act all crazy about coming out to other people, they feed off that emotion and go crazy themselves.

 

WOW
A list?
Thats a little intense but seriously don't listen to any of that.. If ur careful and find the right person non of that is true!.
Plus i think you're mum will probably worm up to the idea eventually but thats just my opinion.
GOOD LUCK
huggles!