some friends seem to be always in the habit of discussing whether they think various people are gay or not. So I've been thinking, if they talk about other people in front of me have they also discussed me when i wasn't there??? i bet they have. I'm slightly paranoid wondering what people are saying about me? And maybe even about other things than gayness... there's this one girl who never talks to anyone and people are always wondering what's up with her. I remembered something someone said to me more than a year ago that I dismissed then, but now I just realized that she may have been trying to find out if i was gay. So we were in this party and four gay people happened to leave at the same time, and she said something like "they're all leaving, I think there are no gay people left here now"
I've had to learn that it really isn't any of my business what someone else thinks of me. It isn't my problem or my concern, and isn't something I can control. Certainly though, one way to avoid speculation about your orientation is to simply tell them.
I just assume EVERYBODY talks about me behind my back. I have no idea what they say, but I'm assuming it's nothing too horrible, because they all still deal with me OK when I'm in the room. Lex
I think there's some quote about show business, which I've now largely forgotten, which goes "you should worry when they STOP talking about you" - yes, they likely are talking about you, but then so what. I think it's highly unlikely that they're planning to kidnap you in the middle of the night and squirrel you away to East Asia. People talk about me all the time I'm sure - and I talk about other people - I try not to be unkind and rag on people, but it's a social exercise - who's dating who, who got a new job, who did I see at Starbucks - that sort of thing. I wouldn't dwell on it though - it's hard sometimes when you're really interested in the people and you want to know what they are saying about you, but that road can lead to unhappy feelings, so I think it's best to focus on other things.
I say, the one thing worse than being talked about, is not being talked about! Or that's what Oscar Wilde said, at least... I think it's safe to assume that friends talk about other friends behind their backs. that's not a bad sign, though. It means that they remember you when you're gone, and wonder what's up with you. Even if they wonder whether you're gay (you're 26, and without a girlfriend, so it's hardly outside the realm of possibility) that doesn't even need to be a bad thing. It would just as well imply that they want you to be happy and are wondering whether you are. The best way, in the end, is to obviate speculation. My friends know I'm gay, and they know most details about what I'm up to otherwise. They do talk, I'm sure, but at least I know they start from the correct information. The time when you start wondering "I bet they suspect I'm gay" might be a good time to just come out and end your worrying and their possible speculation in one swoop.
