So, for the first time in ever I'm downright, beyond words, TERRIFIED to come out to someone. As in, to think about it I immediately feel nauseous. And scared. And... nopleasedon'tmakeme. See, I'm in the university dorms for eight months, with three other roommates. One of them is a liberal hippie type, so no worries there. Then there's the she'll-probably-not-be-my-biggest-fan-but-won't-hate-me-either one. No big deal, not everyone is gonna love you. But then... there's my third roommate. The homophobic one. The one that is in women's studies (why? I don't know) and constantly bitches about how the class is full of "hairy-legged lesbos", how it is isn't normal, how even though she plans to go into counseling psychology she would NOT talk to one of "them". But, I'm also most certainly not willing to crawl back into my closet (God knows my dorm room doesn't even actually HAVE a closet. Literally.) so I will have to tell her eventually... but I'm used to telling friends of mine who a) don't care, and b) I don't live with. I just wish I could think of a way to tell her so that she doesn't hate and work to make my life miserable, which I wouldn't put past her.
You're going to be living with this person for 8 months. 8 months of listening to her talk about hairy legged lesbians. But I guarantee that once you tell your roommates she will either stop commenting on gays, or your roommates will tell her to.
Question: Does she -need- to know? In the long run, 8 months isnt really -that- long. Unless you have a girlfriend that will frequent the dorm, you might consider not saying anything. I don't mean going back in the closet, just not outright saying anything. In the long run, it might create less stress for you if she takes it like really badly. Also in terms of the comments, regardless of the situation you don't need to hear that bs. If I were you, I'd call her out on it.
Ok, I'm definitly not an expert when it comes about coming out, so feel free to ignore what I'm saying (and to tell me it's stupid if this is stupid). I'd say it may depends on the relationship you've got with her. If the two of you are getting along well, maybe one of her comments about the "hairy legged lesbians" would be a good occasion to tell her "Well, you don't know that about me, but I'm a lesbian too, and that kind of comments coming from you are bothering me." If you manage to say that in a casual way, maybe even smiling, chances are she would feel more embarassed than anything, and that you could seize the occasion to discuss with her. If the two of you are just living together but are ignoring each other most part of the time, maybe it would be better just to wait to get to know her better to see if it's worthy or not to come out to her. In anyways, good luck with this, and take care (*hug*) Cécile
We get along quite well, actually. My roommates and I actually have made friends with a lot of the same people and generally spend a lot of time around each other, which is why I feel the need to tell her... because hiding it could prove to be extremely exhausting... unfortunately, she doesn't seem the sort to turn around and attempt to reconsider her stance on gay people just because she's been rooming with one she, at least formerly, considered a friend. There's also a high chance of other people whom I've told telling other people and her finding out through the grape vine. That has happened to me plenty before, and I don't bother concerning myself over it... but I think it'd be better I tell her rather than someone else... On the bright side, three of my guy friends whom I've told have said that if she does decide to be extremely dramatic and downright nasty towards me once I come out to her, they've got an empty room in their dorm where I can feel free to crash anytime I need it. Finally, said roommate has been gone this weekend, won't be back until tonight... so perhaps, I think, today would be to tell the other roommates. Or would that just be a bad idea?
tell. definitely tell. if you have the hippie type on your side, and hopefully the other one too, life wont be any kind of living hell for you. and chances are, she'll just shut up about the dykes, and possibly fear and respect you
The next time she mentions hairy-legged lesbos try: "Listen, I'm tired of hearing you talk shit on lesbians. I'm gay and I don't appreciate it." It would make it seem less like a coming out and more of a have some damn sense, I'm gay, woman! type of thing
I second the above. Tell her. Will it redefine your relationship? Almost certainly, for a short time. But it'll almost certainly redefine how she views "lesbos". Lex
Well, told them all at the same time, roughly. Figured I might as well get it done all at the same time, like ripping off a Band-Aid. Two of them were totally fine, in fact I've been told I'm not allowed to switch rooms and I damn well better stay here :lol:. My third roommate, the one I was worried about, I'm not sure what she thought. I almost shut up and gave up on telling her due to the fact she had spent the two hours while I working on getting my nerve up to tell her I was gay going on about how she hated lesbian, blah blah blah, "they're gross and they hate men and don't shave" or something. I tuned out after a point. But I just decided, whatever, if she hates me she hates me, and I have spent two weeks wanting to get this over with, so I told her anyways. She did seem pretty shocked, though I'm not sure if it was simply shock or disgust shock. She formerly considered me her friend, so I've got that on my side but... we'll see. Whatever the case... I feel soooo much better.
I'm glad you've told her. SO often people are just ignorant. So now she actually knows someone who is a lesbian, and you will likely change her perception of what it means to be a lesbian. That's what we do by coming out to others. Way to go!
I'm happy for you that you told them and feel better because of it Now I hope she is going to rethink what she said and realise she had been stupid. If she doesn't... too bad for her. Take care, Cécile
