Am I just complete rubbish or something?

I'm very sorry to hear you've had such a bad first experience. I can remember how much it hurts to feel rejected like that. *hugs*

For the record, I'm 34 and it's only recently that I've finally found myself in a truly fulfilling relationship. It used to drive me nuts when people would tell me to keep my chin up and that I'd find someone, etc. And I'm not going to say that to you, because I don't know what's in your future. But I can say that you seem like a really sweet, honest, decent person from your posts here, and I hope you meet someone who sees that in you and appreciates it.

 

First, lemme address you-and-her. It's tempting to believe that there's some sort of absolute scale for "date-ability". That everybody could be assigned some sort of numeric value based on hotness and personality and whatever else - the higher you score, the more desirable you are. And it's VERY tempting to believe that this figure remains constant through time, and for every single person. (If you're an 8 to Sarah, you're an 8 to Jill.) But if you think about it, it's pretty clear that that simply isn't the case. If it were, we'd all be desperately going for the top ten in our field, and ain't nobody would be getting any. And it's not like everybody is "settling". They're meeting people, they're clicking, and they're getting into a relationship.

I'd say this woman is being honest. She dated you. And, on her end, nothing clicked. It happens. At that point, you say "thank you" and keep looking. And she might have been being completely honest at that point. Maybe she did want to only keep things casual with girls.

And then she met this other woman.
And all the rules flew out the window.

It's surprising how many times this happens. It did with me. I was always one to hold off on getting physical. But with my partner, on our first date, I didn't. Hell, I was supposed to take him to a hotel room (where he was supposed to stay while he was in town) and we never even got there. We stopped by my place "for a bit", one thing led to another, and we never ended up leaving all weekend.

I say this not to "rub it in", but to help illustrate the point. It's just as likely that this woman's "I'm-playing-it-casual" rule would've been thrown out the window for you. But, as it turned out, she didn't click with you. That doesn't mean you're "complete rubbish" or "not good enough". It's never a matter of "what's she got that I ain't got". It's just that you weren't a good fit for her. No matter how pretty the jigsaw puzzle piece is, if it doesn't fit with this other piece, they simply don't go together. And you two simply weren't a good fit.

So what do you do? Keep looking. Take a bit of time off if you feel you need to, but then get out there and find more puzzle pieces. Eventually, you'll find somebody that you click with, and who clicks with you. And at that point, you'll notice a lot of your own "rules" might start slipping away.

Lex

 

I've been in that situation, was out with a guy and come to find out he has a boy friend.

I was down at first, but I realized I can't judge my worth by the way other people act, sounds kinds silly when ya say it out loud, but its true.

She is the wrong one for leading you on when she had a girlfriend, the one who burned you. Don't get down yourself because there are assholes in the world.

Hang in there, you'll find someone.

 

I am sorry you feel like this (*hug*), but you know at some point it's something we all experience.
Heartbreaks, being intereted in someone(s) who is (are) not interested in us, feeling like that's it, we'll be alone forever... We all have been through days (weeks, months...) like this. But fortunatly, many of us who were feeling this way met one day or another someone who make them feel differently.
Until this special someone walk in your life (because I'm sure she will) hold on and keep being the wonderful girl you are.
Many (*hug*) Cécile

 

People can be like that. I had nearly the same experience with a guy who I thought clicked with me. Ends up he liked someone else and never had the balls to tell me. Moral of the story is people say one thing, do another.

Anyway I know you guys clicked but if she's doing this kind of stuff with you she really isn't worth it. I mean do you want somebody who if you date will not love you like you deserve to be loved? Sometimes yeah you do 'click' with people but in majority of relationships it takes time of friendship and knowing the person you like more.

But don't worry the person who will love you will love you for you and not play these childish games with you =]. I always consider love one big waiting game.

But until then be proud of who you are and don't let this minor blemish hurt you too much. (*hug*)

 

I don't really know how to answer this except to say that when you do meet someone you really click with, you'll understand the difference. It's not just about being attracted and flirting.

Before I met my current girlfriend, sure, I had experienced people showing interest in me, pursuing me, trying to seduce me, etc. But from the first day I met her, it was like... so completely easy and natural to be together. I didn't feel like I had to second-guess everything, or wonder what she was really thinking, or make an effort to impress her. We understood each other without really having to say much. That's what I think of as "clicking".

 

I agree. She probably liked you enough. Decided to keep seeing you, and kept up the flirting. I encourage people to do that, because sometimes, you need more opportunities to "click". But it doesn't sound like she really meshed with you. At least as much as she did with this other girl. Again, it happens.

Lex