Y'know, I always sorta figured that when I eventually did have sex, I'd know. Perhaps it would be some vaguely awkward event, maybe involving some giggling and not quite knowing what was going on, but it would definitely be, like, sex. And, on a related note, I am rather of the opinion that the idea of virginity is a stupid concept that's more trouble than it's worth. In theory, anyway. Now, I'm kind of confused. Long story short, last night there were three other girls, a lot of alcohol, and a lot of making out and, er, touching. Touching and happy noises and some very... pelvic movements. And it was a hell of a lot of fun and completely awesome, so, hell yes! And I certainly wasn't thinking about definitions at the time. But this morning, I'm just thinking, "Wait, was that sex? Did that count since it was just hands? Do I still have the V-card?" It's not a distressing question or anything; I'm just really not sure. I know sex is kind of a subjective thing, and I figure it's more important that everyone had fun than what it's called, but still! I'm kinda trying to parse what happened. The answer to, "Did I have sex?" is probably, "I don't know, did you?" but I don't know! Is sex just that confusing when you're new to it? Particularly when it's all girls and there's no "tab A into slot B" action?
The definition of sex is what you make of it. If you want to call that sex you can. I would, but that's based on my own definition.
It mostly depends of what you did with your hands... I suppose that if it involved going into someone else pants, or if someone else hands get into your pants, yes that counts as sex, or at least as sexual activity.
Personal opinion here: Considering that the original standard for when a person loses their virginity might have came out of an era when no one acknowledged that anything other than missionary-position man-on-woman sex existed, I think it's reasonable to expand the definition to include more of our current awareness of sexual possibilities. After all, virginity is based on the idea of being naive, inexperienced, and innocent when it comes to all things sexual, so once you have a sexual experience with someone else (even if it isn't missionary), it's hard to say that you are still any of those things. Thus, my own personal definition for the time when you lose of virginity is when someone else, through physical contact, causes you to orgasm. Again, that's my own definition, so don't make it your own definition if you think it's too broad or if it just doesn't work for you. However, if that sounds like something you agree with, then it might make it easier to decide whether you consider what you did that night to be sex. And if it doesn't work for you, then I guess you'll just need to ponder for a while what exactly you consider virginity to be and how one loses it. Once you have that down, the rest of the semantics should be easy.
I basically agree with this. I mean, back in high school if somebody stuck his hand down my pants in the hallway (which happened once), I wouldn't go around thinking he'd just had sex with me. Equally, if I were on a train and the vibrations of the train just so happened to stimulate me in the right spot to the point where I orgasmed (which also happened once), I wouldn't go around thinking of that as sex. But if I let another living breathing person fiddle around down there long enough to get me off, I would consider that sex. I think of sex, much as sexuality, as being on a continuum rather than as a black-and-white, easily defined idea.
>>>Thus, my own personal definition for the time when you lose of virginity is when someone else, through physical contact, causes you to orgasm. Say somebody tries but fails. Either because they're not too great at it, or because you're too nervous to reach it. I'd still call that sex. Lex
It's just mutual sexual activity. That includes mutual masturbation, all forms of penetrative sex and frottage ... plus anything else really, except solo activity which has its own nice little category of masturbation.
This is a very fluid concept you figure out for yourself. The first time I say that I "had sex," there was no kind of penetration. Some wouldn't call that sex, but it meant all the things I expected sex to mean for me.
I'm not sure what the definition of sex would be for girls.. but if there was uh, insertion of fingers/etc that would be foreplay, right? Idk. First time I had oral/fingering it was foreplay. Then of course penetration would be sex. But that was with a girl. I'm a guy. So.. quite confusing lol. It's whatever you wanna make it!
I thought the same thing! I thought sex was sex but when I started having 'sex' I pleasantly found out that there is a long list of things you can do which may or may not be sex. So I decided I don't care about definitions and if I ever talk about it I just use the phrase "fooling around" which in my mind encompasses everything.
