I was diagnosed bi-polar a year ago and things haven't really gotten any easier. The only thing thats easier is my ability to complete a thought . I can't handle these meds though I'm tired all the time I'm just exhausted and I can't sleep hardly at all at night. I've been an insomniac for a long time though. I don't work or go to school my doctor actually told me I shouldn't work and I should collect social security. I don't think I could hold a job in my condition anyways. And life is just so exhausting and miserable. I'm on these anti-psychotics and I don't want them. I would rather take my chances at having another manic episode. My thoughts were never this sick either and I can't control it. My doctor now keeps suggesting electro-convulsive therapy. I don't want the memory loss that comes with a temporary high. I don't want permanent brain damage but I feel like I have it. I feel like I'm trying to escape and find happiness but that will never happen in the state of mind I'm stuck in. If I could just be up and active during the day that would be nice. And I feel like people want me this way. Just absolutely useless because god forbid I was allowed to be an everyday person. I can't do anything anymore. You know when I had my manic episode I had so much energy, I could just stay up for days at a time, and I would stay up thinking happy thoughts of getting married and having kids. Its like none of that anymore. I don't have happy thoughts or any real dreams. I've concluded that the world really has no place for someone like me and I should either roll over and die or make myself a place in the world and I'm leaning towards dying.
How many different anti-psychotics have yo tried? Believe me, if you're bipolar - or any flavour of mental loopiness, you don't want to go off them. Maybe these meds just aren't right for you. I speak from personal experience and watching my father and brother go manic and psychotic. It isn't fun, it's self-destructive and maintaining stable relationships with people is pretty much is impossible. What you might need is a new psychiatrist. If you aren't sleeping at night, and are tired all day, there is a problem. You need someone to discuss alternatives to whatever you are taking now. Currently I am on four medications and have never been so productive and happy. It's taken since age fifteen to find the right ones. Therapy, exercise and forced productivity do help as well.
Right now I just take depikote and geodon and zoloft. in total I take 6 pills a day. Some in the morning some at night. At one point I counted well over 10 pills a day. I let my mom put them in my pillbox once a week so I have pills for the week. And I don't think its possible for me just to quit taking them the withdraws are too bad. But maybe don't take any pills until I'm starting to shake and spaz a little bit and clench my teeth really hard and then take another one. And do that until I can slowly ween myself off of them. Except for the zoloft without that depression sets in too much.
Yeah, don't go straight off your meds, at least not without consulting a doctor. It can have devastating effects depending on the medication. It's obvious that those medications aren't the correct ones for you. You need to consult with a different doctor and explain what's going on with you. Collecting social security is not a bad idea until things get more stable. You have a genuine medical condition that needs addressing and you need to be cared for until it's resolved. Eventually you'll find the right medications and be able to get yourself stabilized. When that time comes you can always drop the social security if you want. As for the rest, don't worry so much about being active during the day. If you don't have a job or go to school it doesn't make much of a difference outside of social situations. Work with the schedule your body allows until things stabilize. It may make things more inconvenient, but there's nothing wrong with it. If you feel like you want to do something productive, you can read, study online, expand your mind. It doesn't take a lot of energy and can be done during those sleepless nights. Just make sure it doesn't interfere with doctor's appointments. For your lack of energy, all I can suggest is to rest as much as possible. Conserve what energy you have for times you need it. Also, try to get some sun when you can. It really can do wonders over time. The bad thoughts and depressing feelings are all temporary. They can all be worked out. I understand those feelings all too well. You can endure this until it's over. It won't be pleasant, but they'll fade as your medications get worked out and you situation changes. Rash action need not be taken.
I don't know what to do I'm away right now for the next 10 days with my parents and I feel like I need help now but I have to relax somehow and just enjoy the vacation.
I know you probably don't want to ruin the vacation, but if things are urgent enough that they can't wait, you should probably just talk to your parents and tell them what's going on. I'm sure they'll understand. They may be able to help you through it and watch out for you until you can see a doctor. If you can't get back, maybe you can find a doctor in the area who can see you in the meantime, or you may be able to phone your doctor and see if he can't change your prescriptions over the phone.
My doctor is normally very hard to get a hold of and I just googled mental health in this area I can't find anything around here.
I've dealt with doctors that are hard to get a hold of. Keep leaving messages and stress that it's urgent. get your parents to call too if necessary. If you're persistant he'll eventually get in touch with you. As for google, it's helpful, but may not have all the answers. You may need to take a look in the local directories. Even if there is no mental health clinic, many regular doctors have plenty of experience with these kinds of drugs and their side effects. They may be able to help. In the mean time, definitely tell your parents. Even if it turns out that nothing can be done from a medical standpoint for now, they may be able to help you relax and enjoy yourself.
