Self-confidence

Here's what worked for me:

Love you.

Think about it. You've got friends, right? And they're not perfect. They've got weird senses of humor, and imperfect noses, and less-than-perfect grades. And you're still friends with them, right? Why? Because you like them. You're aware of their imperfections and faults, and accept them because the positives outshine them.

Let that be true of yourself. Like you. Love you. Give yourself permission to like and what you do. No matter how silly or "dumb" or unpopular it is. If you love old country music, or riding a unicycle, or drawing stick figure kung-fu comic books, or sampling every kind of ice cream - DO it. And don't just do it - love it. You don't even have to be GOOD at it. You just have to like doing it. And own it. Don't hide your ice cream spoons and your stick figure comic books when others come over. Say "I'm trying to sample every flavor of ice cream I can" and "I really have fun drawing stick figure comic books". That's loving yourself, and you can see how that leads straight to self-confidence.

Lex

 

Practice it on your own first. When you do your "things" (whatever they are), get INTO them. Don't worry about whether or not it's cool or interesting to the outside world. If you get lost when you color coloring books, immerse yourself. Just doing that can be a big step forward.

Lex

 

Aiming for a perfect GPA, especially assuming you're in your first year of uni seems a rather lofty goal. I can't speak from experience since I'm a first year, too... but, university is a HUGE adjustment from high school, especially if you're living on your own for the first time. As a result, it's pretty common for grades to be a bit lower than your former high school grades. That seems the general consensus when I've talked to people about it at least. That being said universities also know this and don't expect grades on par with high school marks. At least, no university I've looked into attending.

Having spieled about that... there is no reason to not try and do well. Perhaps, rather than set a bar right off the bat, see how well you do when it comes to initial assignments/tests/etc. Put all the effort in that you can of course, but don't have huge expectations just yet. Once you know how you did, talk to your professors, see what you did well, what you can improve. Then, in the future look to better your marks over your former marks, rather than to aiming for a really high bar.

In terms of low self esteem about your appearance, its usually a more gradual process. When you look in the mirror, try not to focus on what you dislike about a, b, and c, but rather find something you do like about your appearance, even if it is only one thing. Then next time, find something else. Work on building a list of things about your body you like. Moreover, if you're having a rather low day, don't go and stare in the mirror. Save it for days you're in a good mood. If you're feeling rather lowly on a particular day critiquing your reflection is the last thing you should be doing.

In terms of someone always being better than you at something... well, that's life. There's always someone better. There's always someone worse. Maybe you had to "bust your ass" to do well- but the point is you did it. You worked for what you got, and you were successful. It might be tiresome at times, but you can relish in a sense of accomplishment at having achieved your goals. Always comparing yourself to others is no way to live your life. You aren't them- you're you. And there's isn't anything wrong with that.

 

I've always had issues with this. Getting self-confidence takes a lot of work, and one thing I've found that helps is to look in the mirror and call yourself cute. Go ahead.

 

Well, its time to you let in on a secret: EVERYONE feels that way. Some people are just better at hiding it then others, and it makes sense.

You're at a time in your life where everything is stepped up a notch. College is hard shit, man! In high school you go because you have to and 90% of the kids don't wanna learn anyhow, but you're in college because you want to be there, you want to better yourself. That’s a big step in itself.

As for failure, well sometimes its the natural consequence of trying. You're gonna fail sometimes, it happens. You can either look at it as a set back or something to learn form.

Now the question is WHY do you feel inferior to other? And, just saying: "oh, I'm no good at anything," Isn't an answer. Really ask why, sort through you're life and think about when this started, because truth is your probably not. Confidence is half the game, in life. People are gonna talk trash and they're gonna try and put you down so they can feel better about themselves. All you can do is not let them bring you down, sometimes just telling them that is enough.

Now as for your looks, if you want post a pic I'll be honest (I don't call myself a realist for nothing) but all people have issues with how they look, even the pretty ones (sometimes more so!). And, there are other pretty people who think they can treat everyone else like crap, well that’s wrong and I'm sure they future of trying keep that beauty from slipping away will be so much fun for them. But, have you ever seen a hot guy/girl with a very average looking guy/girl. One word: confidence.
You have to know you bring more to the table then just looks in a relationship.

Anyway those are my thoughts do with them what you will,

Skate straight!

 

One thing I've noticed is that people tend not to underestimate themselves, really. When we think "Oh, I'm not that great at sports" or "I'm not that musical" or "I ain't that much to look at"...usually, we're not that far off the mark. Where people usually err is in their analysis of others. We seem to think of everybody else as always having their shit together. They're all much more attractive than us, they're smarter, they're stronger, and they're more confident. And the fact is - they usually aren't. Even if they are a bit more attractive or somewhat smarter, they no doubt have deficiencies elsewhere in their lives. We ALL have weaknesses that cause us to think we're no good. And that's true of the most "with-it" person you run into.

In short, it's not that you're as beautiful/wonderful as you think they are.
It's that they're just as messed up as you.
But that just means you're all on the same level again.

Lex

 

Funny, I was just talking to this guy that works in hotel with me, Justin. He is super cute, but he was telling me how self conscious he is about the craters on his chin. He said no matter what he can't get rid of them.

Funny part? Until he said something I didn't even notice them (I was kinda lost in his eyes) Point? You're, you're own worst critic, cut yourself some slack.

 

haha. I really like that view, sure you may be messed up, but so are all of humanity, everyone in their own way. We all suck equally. It's a happy thought in a weird way.

 

One thing that did help for me is to do a "coming-out" of sorts. If you feel insecure in a setting, it can sometimes help to let others in on that.

E.g. At work, there's four people doing very similar jobs as I do. Now, by virtue of being the youngest one, I'm obviously the least experienced but my uncertainty usually goes beyond that, to thinking I'm obviously the worst out of the bunch, with a lack of talent, a sluggish mind, and no real aptitude for the job. When discussing with two colleagues, I inadvertently let my thoughts about that slip. To which one colleague replied: "that's funny. I always thought that I was the worst one!". Which certainly made me drop off my chair, because she tends to appear rather self-confident.

The same goes for anything I do, really. I spend quite a bit of my time thinking I'm the worst at doing judo, that I suck at piano, and that I'm the worst staff member on EC. But yet, everytime I voice that, I find other people saying that they feel like that as well, or that they see things I did well that I often didn't even notice myself. It's a very hands-on way of learning that everyone feels like this, and that I'm not alone. And over time it really helped me in gaining a bit of confidence and immunity to my self-deprecating thoughts.

Now, be advised that this isn't something you can do all the time. no one wants a guy around who's always dragging himself down and enumerating his many faults. But if used sparingly, it can give good results.