I'm thinking of asking a closeted guy out. I know he's gay, and we've fooled around and we clicked pretty well, but I'm not sure whether I should ask him out or not or just keep it a friends with benefits thing and see where it goes from there. We're supposed to hang out tomorrow. Any advice? Am I making a mistake here?
Do what feels natural. If you feel like asking him out then do, if you don't then don't. I mean, you know he's gay and you're fooling around so you probably aren't just a friend to him so just do what you feel like you should do. The only mistake you could make is not following where your heart tells you to go.
Well, the "we'll see how it goes" approach has some merit, but things only go further once someone nudges them along a bit. It's highly unlikely you'll find yourself on a date without either of you asking, after all. I'd say it depends on how closeted he is exactly. If he's sure of his sexuality, but just not willing to tell his friends and family yet, I'd say go for it. Even if he's comfortable with being gay, he might be a bit scared with dating (who might see you? Might he be found out that way? etc.) So you might need to accomodate his fears a little. If, on the other hand, he's not comfortable with it (e.g. considering himself to be still unsure, or wondering if this fooling around is just a phase), it might cause a bit of a panic, as it's often easier to rationalise fooling around (experimenting) than going on a real date (admitting you really have feelings). In that case it might be best to have a discussion on where you're standing right now before jumping to dating.
I think you ARE making a mistake, actually. Why exactly do you want to "ask him out"? You already hang out with him, and you already have sex with him. What would change were he to accept when you "ask him out"? Hand-holding, maybe kissing in public? A romantic dinner? I'm guessing he's not ready for either of those steps. Lex
Lex is right (although I wasn't expecting carriage rides while making out to Billy Idol's White Wedding, just figured going to see a movie or grabbing dinner would be nice)... sigh... Well this is frustrating, so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut and take the wait and see approach as was suggested. It's just annoying because I don't meet a lot of guys I click with well in my own town (and I'm getting sick of the whole long distance relationship thing). I know he's probably not ready for anything more than hanging out and fooling around as he's told me if I meet him in public I need to pretend I don't know him, and his ex (he didn't say ex gf or bf) is in town, and they check his phone so I'm only supposed to contact him by email at the moment. I guess the answer is to just be patient with the whole situation, but this is exactly my luck when I do meet someone. There's always a catch. Sometimes being gay really sucks.
Well, if all you wanted to do was go see a movie, and maybe grab a bite to eat, then go right ahead. Because, see, straight guys do that all the time together. Yeah, I'd suggest grabbing a burger and watching an action film rather than a candlelight dinner and a rom-com, but other than that, no reason not to. "Going to see a movie, and grabbing a bite before/after" is still "hanging out". Just don't "ask him out on a date". Tell him you've been wanting to see (movie), and wanted to know if he wanted to go see it with you. The same way you'd invite a woman or a platonic friend. Lex
Well a burger and an action flick would be more my style anyway (most of my friends are straight guys). But yeah I'll just see how it goes. We're supposed to hang out today, so I'll probably just wait a while longer and see if anything develops. Maybe I'll see if he wants to see Wall Street 2.
