How To Come Out At A Later In Life

Congrats on deciding to come out!

Coming Out Guide

This is a link to a coming out guide that I think you will find extremely useful. While coming out at an older age is a little different in practice, the same principles apply.

The issue you might have a problem dealing with the most is people thinking you are just going through a midlife crisis, and not take your sexuality seriously. But this is just an initial reaction and is usually resolved simply with time.

Apart from that goodluck - oh and welcome to the site

EDIT: I moved this thread into the Support & Advice Forums where it is better suited.

 

I came out at 27, 14 years ago. I don't know how that compares to you, but it's certainly later in life than many of the people here.

I do think it is less difficult for people to come out now than it was when we were in our teens. Although there is a long way to go, society is generally more accepting of gay people now than it was 20, 30 or 40 years ago. I'm not saying it's easy, just that there are a few less obstacles now.

I think coming out later in life may be a bit more difficult. Mainly because the people you will be coming out to have known you as "straight" for so many more years, so may find the change more difficult to accept. Also because you are older it is likely that the people you come out to will be older too (friends, parents, brothers/sisters etc), so they may be of a generation that is a little less accepting.

A positive side though is that I think people are more likely to believe you. I think a lot of younger people get the "it's just a phase, you'll grow out of it" or "you haven't met the right girl/boy yet" response. Because you are an "adult", other adults assume you are more capable of making this decision than if you were a "child". (No offence intended to the younger forum members intended there - I am thinking of how parents etc see their off-spring, which is often as a "child" for longer than is appropriate.)

When I started coming out (at age 27) I met a guy named Nick who was also just starting to come out. Nick was 17 and we became good friends (nothing more, though I think a lot of people thought we were a couple). It is interesting that we both had many of the same issues and concerns over who we came out to, what their reactions would be etc. So a lot of what is in the guide that Dave highlighted, and what's being discussed elsewhere on this site is still relevant.

In fact I came out to various people etc more easily and quickly than Nick, though that was partly due to circumstances. I worked for a small company with people I knew well and trusted so coming out at work was not a big deal, whereas Nick worked for a large retail store and only ever came out to a couple of trusted friends there. My parents were together and took the news fairly well (it was a few months before my sister's wedding, so they had that to look forward to). Nick's parents were separated and although he had moved out he was still dependant on his mum. His mum was fine but his father was a local government councellor or something and rather homophobic (despite belonging to a left-wing political party) so he never came out to him.

At least some of the difference though is that I had the confidence and independance that goes with age. So I had a bit more of an "if they don't like it that's their problem" approach, whereas Nick was more worried about the consequences of people not likeing it - which were genuine concerns.

You haven't said a lot about your own circumstances so it's difficult to comment. However I think you should go for it. Just think about the reactions of people you are dependant on.

By the way - please don't type in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. This causes the software to change it to a Capital At The Beginning Of Each Word, which is a bit difficult to read. Thanks!