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Fueled My Fire

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by subaru000, Sep 28, 2010.

  1. subaru000

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    If you haven't been following my threads on here, here's a very short summary: a guy caught my eye, he talked to me first and we've talked for a few weeks. Not the type of thread that needs a pity party as the guy completely stopped talking to me.

    It all started a week or so ago. He and I were talking on Skype (I don't know if I'm allowed to say that on here) and he said something that I thought was implying that he was trying to flirt with me. He asked me if I had a girlfriend, I said no and I came out to him. I guess I've noticed his reaction, finally. To be completely honest, I dislike talking about someone behind their back, but here, in a list, is why I'm the happiest and most upset I've ever been:

    1. He introduced me to at least 5 of his friends as "friend". Who does that in the first two weeks of knowing someone?

    2. His friends actually seemed like nice folks so who am I to want to talk to them behind his back?

    3. He talked to me first by asking me if I had the class, which meant something to him, and he doesn't even have the guts (<----- insert another word) to at least try and tell me how he feels, even after saying (immediately after I told him that I'm into guys) that we'd still be friends. Quite a way to end an apprentice-ship, eh?

    I know I've been told that I'm an overanalyzer on here but I know that I'm emerging from the "friendship" a winner. Socially, I've learned more in the few weeks I've known him than I would in months in real life hands down. I had to learn to be a sidekick more or less in literally minutes, being introduced to people that I've never met. I've had to make small talk while he has a chat, which will only help me when I meet my significant other. Even writing this out is helping me take the blow now to not have to deal with this hurt later. It is not hurt in the sense of pain, it's "hurting" because being a few years older, I could have helped him with a few things (not forcingly, only if he really needed my help), and now, he more than likely won't.

    So, I made a "friend", he talks to me first, I come out to him, and he stops talking to me. How common is this for you guys? I'm not trying to make this thread advice driven per se but I want to see how often this happens and how unexpected this experience is. Besides the fact that I'm not terribly regretting an ended friendship, how else could I have handled the situation?
     
  2. Andrew1403

    Andrew1403 Guest

    I think its pretty common...a guy finds out someone he has been talking too (who he has recently met) is gay and will stop talking to him because they are scared of gays..or not mature enough to have a gay friend because they are scared of associating with a gay man.

    I think you shouldn't be so quick to expose your sexuality to someone you have just met...I only expose that information to close friends and family that i have known for years.(or to someone who has expressed positive views about gays..then i will open up to them if i like them as a friend)..to everyone else i don't think they need to know right away..nor is it important for them to know. Alot of people are scared of people who don't fit the "norm" and dont want to be see with them..(stupid and weird i know..but thats how alot of ppl think)

    ps...I am assuming this the same younger foreign guy you were talking about in your previous thread? That stinks that you have to see him in class everyday...that must be a difficult or somewhat awkward situation..

    Let us know how it goes (&&&)
     
    #2 Andrew1403, Sep 28, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 28, 2010
  3. Lexington

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    Have you run into this guy since the Skype incident? (Yes, you can say Skype - just can't give out your address.) Have you asked him what's going on? Because I would. I wouldn't confront him. I'd just say "I haven't heard from you in awhile. What's going on? Did my coming out to you sort of freak you out?" Because I have had people freak out when I came out to them, but if I treat it like it's no big deal, I've found that they're forced to do the same. That doesn't mean the friendship will emerge unscathed, but it'll force them to examine their motives. And I can't recall any friendship (even one in the early stages) that didn't survive my coming out.

    I don't know what to make of your second-to-last paragraph, though. The idea of "winners" in a broken friendship, and of "hurt" due to "not being able to help" seems rather convoluted. I'd say just talk to him again, and if he isn't receptive, shrug it off and find some new friends.

    Lex
     
  4. OontzOontzOontz

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    It happens often for me. Actually, it has been more frequent since I have been more open about my sexuality. It seems like I can hit it off with someone if they don't know that I'm gay, but when I tell them (only if they ask or if I have to explain something else) or they find out by reading my Facebook page they drop me. It hurts, but I don't expect it to not happen, especially here in the Bible Belt.

    But for every person who doesn't want to be your friend, there's always someone who would love to be your friend. :thumbsup:
     
  5. subaru000

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    That's the kind of response I was looking for. I know I'm not perfect or anything near it but at least I've learned a little about how that feels and now I know how to delay telling someone who I really am all because that person seemed interested in me from the beginning.....

    I don't need criticism from this end because the situation is done and I'm not looking forward to really talking to him ever (he burned the bridge and then some) and I'm not looking forward to saying "Oh, he was never a good person to want to know better," because it would make me seem desperate and catty. I'm just trying to see what other people have experienced with regards to this topic to better myself if a parallel situation decides to happen.