I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, to see if anyone else reads this the way I do. Last weekend, after a night out, I ended up back at the house of a guy... I'll call him C. We had a long and fairly serious discussion earlier that night about various things, but mostly the girls he likes and some relationship worries he has. Once or twice he used 'gay' as a negative adjective when describing things. At his house, he asks if I'd like to see something, and then fetches a painting of a sunset, which he had done. He implied that it isn't something he shows to people usually. Then we go through to the living room, and sit down on the sofa. C puts on some music from his laptop and then asks if I think his music collection "is really gay?" I said it wasn't stereotypically so, but that I listened to Deep Purple and Pink Floyd, so *anything* could be gay music depending on who is listening to it. He mentioned that he had a new quilt that was too big for his bed, and took it out of its bag, and threw it over me, and then got back on the sofa. Right next to me. We were in contact up one side from our ankles to our shoulders. He said a few things about how he'd miss me (it was my 'about to move to another city' party), and how he liked my advice on things, and how he could trust me with things because I was about to move away. Then he played 'Everything I do' and said "this is really romantic." He mentioned being obsessed with big breasts, and then asked if I was similarly obsessed with large penises. By now it was about five am, and I was sober again, but very tired, and dozed off a few times, momentarily, with my head on his shoulder. So he said I was welcome to stay on his sofa to avoid walking home at 5:30am. I had to get up at 8am to finish packing, and said so, saying I'd let myself out and lock the door behind me. I got up at eight, only to find that C was also awake. He looked really unsure, and joked that he was surprised he'd set his alarm. Then he walked me back to my house, said he'd miss my advice and wished me luck. I think this might have been an attempted coming out, or something like that. The way the conversation swung round subjects, going from personal to silly and back again, with long pauses, reminds me a lot of the first time I came out to somebody else. I should mention that, yes, we were both a bit drunk when we first got to his house, about 2:30, but were both sober again by about 5am. Thoughts?
My personal take is that it wasn't. I think he told you the truth. That because you're gay, and because you're moving away, he feels he can show you a side of himself that he feels he can't show his other male friends. * He can show you his paintings. * He feels he can ask you about "gay things" - "is this music gay?", "do you like big dicks?". * He can cuddle (himself) under a blanket next to somebody else without you thinking it's "girly". If he was gay and wanted to come out, or if he wanted to make a move, he had plenty of opportunities to, and didn't. That's not to say that isn't the case, but I'm sort of favoring my theory for now. Lex
^I agree. It sounded more like he was saying that he was gonna miss your company because he could be more comfortable around you.
Cheers Lex. That does seem a possible explanation... a probable explanation, in fact. Thanks for your thoughts!
are you out to him? using the word gay negatively can be a result of internalised homphobia. i suffered form it a while ago. and yeah, he sounds gay (in a good way)
Yeah, I'm out to him. I don't think he's homophobic, internalised or not. I think it's just something he says.
I think that Lex is right, it's just him being comfortable with you as friends. As for him being awake at the same time as you and walking you home, it's most likely because you are moving away and he's going to miss you.
It sounds like Lex is right. The guy is comfortable with his sexuality and comfortable around you, so he let you into his personality more than he lets his straight guy friends. Be happy to call him a friend.
