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I feel like i need a relationship

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by confused102188, Oct 2, 2010.

  1. confused102188

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    I am now out to eight people and I feel like someone slammed on the breaks. I feel this constant need to find companionship. All my life I have been in a dark closet and now I'm out but I haven't even talked to another gay dude. I don't even know where to find them. Sometimes my friends and I go to a local gay bar but so far nothing has happened. I feel like I have to have my first boyfriend or I'll go crazy.
     
  2. GoinStag

    In Loving Memory

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    From what I've heard, I a lot of gay guys meet their partners through their other gay friends.
     
  3. Gir Zim

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    You arent alone,i feel the same way,there are no other gay people around here that i know of,and i don't go to bars so i'm pretty much stuck here alone but i have had two past online relationships which i do not suggest. Recently i have ben going out with my family shopping and keeping my mind busy as much as possible,i try not to think of being alone but i know oneday i will meet someone,i know someone is out there waiting for me and i have to keep my patience but anyway try to stay positive and focus on things such as holidays and family,if you want to find a Boyfriend it's really difficult and the only advice i get is to move to L.A or New York which isn't an option LOL so i hope i hear some fresh ideas from this thread. :]
     
  4. Austin

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    If you need someone, you are not ready for a relationship. It seems you more 'want' one though... so, anyways, don't worry, you'll find someone. :slight_smile: I'm surprised you have not talked to any gay guys having gone to some gay bars. You'll talk to someone eventually. I'm not a gay bar person and I hope to find a boyfriend through somewhere that is not a bar. Just be patient. :slight_smile: Learn to be happy alone or with regular friends.
     
  5. British Lad

    British Lad Guest

    I feel the same, like I need a boyfriend. But Good things come to those who wait so be patent and you will find somebody, Got go actively looking for somebody because you will miss them by a mile, so wait and just keep your eyes open and you will find somebody, like i am doing, I REALLY want a boyfriend but I am a bit restricted because of no job, and no income, thus I can't go out. But I will wait, I will find somebody even if it takes me 10,000 years I will find them.
     
  6. squall2

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    Oh how this sounds soo much like my situation!

    Im at uni, in my second year. im still loving it but not as much i was in my first year. I too feel this constant need for someone to fill a void in my life. it winds me up when my freinds all have BF or GF's and im still on my own. yes im only 19 yes im still young, but i just get jelous when i go to gay clubs etc and see other people pulling left, right and center. maybe i just need a bit more confidence to actually go up and speak to people.

    Like it has been said, i dont like it when people say "it will happen", i honestly cant see it happeneing unless i do go to gay clubs, otherwise im just not really in contact with other gay people.

    anyways i just hope i feel better soon. i do understand that i do not NEED a BF, i can handle myself, living away from home blah blah but it would be nice to have someone there to fill the void.
     
  7. Lexington

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    Do put yourself out there, do get to know people, but don't work too hard on "finding a boyfriend". Two common pitfalls when people attempt to do that.

    1. They get a mental image in their head of what their boyfriend should look/act/be like, and start discarding potential guys because they don't match up. ("I want a hot guy.")

    2. They get so enamored with the idea of being in a relationship that they say yes to people they should say no to. You don't want your first boyfriend to be a major asshole or an uncaring jerk.

    Lex
     
  8. malachite

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    So, you've stepped foot out of the closet and see this bright world. Its natural you'd want to get out there and see what it has to offer. But, don't think that a BF will solve all your problems. Relationships are GIVE and TAKE.

    But, there is nothing wrong getting yourself on the market, let people know you're ready to date. Maybe someone can introduce you some guys.

    Just remeber to be safe while you're out there.

    :thumbsup:
     
  9. Chip

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    Austin hits it on the head. If you need someone, you aren't in an emotionally healthy place, and that will probably reflect in whatever relationship you develop.

    I'd focus on making some friends first. Find the local LGBT center, or GSA at your school and start there. Meet some people, get to know them, and work on discovering yourself. I think maybe what you're feeling is a need to belong somewhere.

    As far as having a boyfriend, of course there's a temptation, particularly if you have esteem problems, to want someone to validate the idea that you are loveable... but that's a really unhealthy way to look at it. Once you develop confidence in yourself, then you'll find it easier to attract healthy people and maintain healthy relationships. And you've already taken the first step at that by coming out and being yourself. Continue by working on developing friendships and I think you'll be feeling more confident and comfortable in no time :slight_smile: