I honestly do. I hate myself. I can't name a single good quality about myself, because I have none. I've done horrible in school...I had to redo 9th grade 'cause I got all F's and I was an asshole to my teachers....then I went back and still got shitty grades. Don't ask me why I was passed to the 10th grade. I've spent so much time being angry with my family, and it finally occurred to me: I deserve to be treated the way I've been treated. I deserved having my Mom whip me with that metal dog leash. I deserved to get that bottle thrown at me by my Dad. I deserved to be to be asked if I was proud of my stupidity by my teacher...I deserved all of it because I'm a horrible person. I'm using my Mom's water, heat, and air conditioning...I can't even bring home a good grade to repay her. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve your words.
you DO deserve to live. What you do not deserve is to be whipped with a metal dog leash or to have a bottle thrown at you. I went through alot of this around your age... actualy prob. all of it. It got to the point where i wound up dropping out of school and getting my GED. PLEASE don't let it get to that point for you. I had all kinds of anger inside me that i felt like i just couldn't get out. I looked in mirrors and called myself a worthless faggot. I hated my parents because they would always bitch at me for the smallest things. Or so I thought! They had every reason in the world to be mad at me. I was failing all of my classes in high school and I was ALWAYS angry and in bad moods. I thought that I was worthless but in reality I was in a deep depression. I want you to realise that things get better. I have a great job and have taken some classes. I came out to a few friends about a month ago and I FINALLY have some people that I can talk to about what really upsets me. I still haven't told my parents that I'm gay cause I'm not totally sure that they will take it very well. But one day soon I will. Life is getting better and all those old thought of suicide are going away. Everything will be fine... Just stick around to find out. Remember somebody loves you ALOT!! You sound like a beautiful person!! WE ALL LOVE YOU HERE AT EC!!(&&&)
You need to get away from that way of thinking. Desperately, and immediately. Because massive negative thinking like that is a tar baby ten feet tall. You start hanging around that thing, and you'll never be able to leave. Presumably, you DID deserve the Fs you got. There might have been circumstances involved (and if your parents are physically abusing you, I don't think that's too surprising), but the Fs were still earned. Don't beat yourself up any more than you've done. Channel that hatred and anger into something constructive. As the saying goes, "The best revenge is a life well-led". Refocus. Work your damnedest to live a great life. You might not get straight As, or be the football hero. Most people don't get that. But you can still live a solid and great life. And you doing so will be the biggest middle finger you can give anybody who ever tried to bring you down. You want to try it? Lex
First of all: I can already think of some good things about you, and that's just after a couple chats, and reading your posts on here. You're a nice guy, and I found our few conversations funny and engaging. Okay, you might have gotten F's. And you might have been mean to a couple of teachers. But none of those are all that bad. In fact, a lot of people do that when they're young. does that mean they're bad people? Not at all! Just people who made a few mistakes and bad decisions when they were stressed, but that's only human. And even if that happened, the past is the past. And you can change the present (and through it, the future!). You can try to recognise when you're getting angry with a teacher and supress the urge to be an asshole to them. Getting straight A's out of straight F's is difficult, but you can at least focus on a couple of subjects and bring those grades up. What your parents did is inexcusable. They might not be too happy about some things, but they have no right taking it out physically on you. And teachers belittling their students is pretty bad form too. But it only shows they have problems. They have those whether or not you're around. And you can be a better man than to let yourself be taken hostage by them!
whoa, whoa, whoa slow down there now. No one deserves to have a metal dog leash or a bottle thrown at them. That is abusing behavior and you DON'T deserve it. You need to speak with someone at your school, a counselor or a resource officer about this. This is serious! As for the think you deserve it that is another type of abuse, mental abuse. You ARE worth something, and you DO deserve our words. Especailly if you don't have anyone to give you any. And, you're going to be useing your parents water, and AC and stuff, you're a kid they knew that was part of the package when the decided to have one; and, if my family hit me with a dog leash or threw a bottle at me I'd be pissed at them too. Like I said you need to talk to someone, anyone you think you can trust. You're worth something kid, I don't even know you and I tell you that much.
