I have been seeing this guy for almost a year now and he is still in the closet. No one but me knows that he is gay. The thing is that I am not sure if he will ever come out. I dont know how you could think you were straight after hooking up with another guy for so long but that is another issue all together. I guess I am wondering if anyone else has been in this situation before. I really care about this person and would like for something more to develop but if he is not going to comeout then I have to question what I am doing sticking around. I will always care for him but it is hard being in a secret relationship. Any thoughts?
I'd say you need to bring it up with him. If he doesn't think you have a problem with it, he's probably not going to find any impetus to come out on his own. Just start telling him that you do like him, and you enjoy your time together, but being in a "secret relationship" is starting to feel more and more problematic. Point out all the things you'd like to do that are impossible in a relationship with a closeted guy - doing out on real dates, being able to introduce him to your friends, things like that. Then ask if he thinks this might be something he might be willing to work towards. If he says "Fuck that", well, there's your answer. If he sounds like he might (even if he's unsure or nervous about it), start working on a plan of attack to help him through it. Lex
Closet relationships don't work. They may work for a while. But they will eventually falter. I mean what if you guys continue on for another year or two or three. I don't know about how you feel about moving in or marriage, etc. But I know after 3 years, I personally would want to move in by then and while moving in is something that you could pass off as roommates....if you guys get a one bedroom apartment something might start clicking in. And closet relationship would definitely NOT work if you guys lasted a long time and you wanted to marry/civil union/ domestic partnership
Closeted relationships CAN work, but almost always when both parties are closeted, and both take the time and effort to cover their tracks. If one of them is out, it usually becomes a sticking point. Lex
Me and my last girlfriend had a closeted relationship. She's out at school but not her parents, and at the time Only around 20 people knew for me, no family. Even with that difference in how out we were, the relationship failed pretty quickly... Bring it up to him soon!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you aren't in a relationship. My rule of thumb is similar to that "if you don't know his friends then you aren't dating him" rule. He is gay. He's been with you a year. He may never acknowledge it, but that's the clear fact. So, you definitely need to approach him and give him an ultimatum. It doesn't need to be to come out to everyone including his family. Start small. Tell him you NEED him to come out to one person that he knows. If he won't do that for you then kick him to the curb. You're wasting your time at that point. Good luck.
