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Is it them, or is it me?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by PenAndInk, Oct 3, 2010.

  1. PenAndInk

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    So, I've never dated before (and I mean NEVER), until this year. I'm an undergraduate sophmore. This year I've gone on one or two dates with a couple of girls. They become attached so fast! Both of the girls I've just gone to dinner with and talked to a bit immediately latch on and expect something much more.

    My opinion, is that you should really get to know someone before going into a relationship with them, but no one else seems to feel that way. As a result, I've had to sit down and explain to each them that I cannot and am not ready to be in a relationship with someone I met 2 weeks ago. I feel like maybe I'm the one with the warped perspective on things, though I don't intend to change what I'm looking for, since I think dating is all about doing what makes you happy and what you're comfortable doing.

    I'm finding it incredibly frustrating. If dating in general is going to keep resulting in these awkward situations of overly attached acquaintances, then I really don't know if I'm ready to date at all. I'm discovering that I still have a lot of personal sorting out to do apparently, and I'm trying to build up the courage to make my first Psychological Services appointment, so maybe dating isn't for me right now, or I just haven't met someone who has the same views on the subject as myself.

    I was just wondering if my opinion is in the minority on this subject, or if my expectations are on the unrealistic side...
     
  2. Lexington

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    Q: What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
    A: A U-Haul.

    Yeah, it's a joke built on a stereotype, but like most stereotypes, there's some truth in there somewhere.

    Maybe you shouldn't "date". Not in the traditional sense, since people are thinking it means "start moving in fast-motion towards the bedroom and a long-term relationship." Instead, maybe you should stick with doing stuff in groups, and making your one-on-one time as non-date-like as possible. Go shopping for socks or something. Things you might do with a platonic friend. That'll give you a chance to get to know these women without them thinking you're expecting much else.

    Lex
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! I totally agree with you. One should get to know someone before entering into a relationship. I think it is totally fine of going on a few dates before taking it to the next level.

    I think it is good that you haven't rushed into things and were able to stand your ground so to speak, and be honest with them that two weeks of dating isn't enough to take to the next level. You will meet someone eventually who is into taking it slow too and comes closer to your own views.

    If you feel that it might be better to sort out the personal stuff you are going through first that's totally okay too. Take your time sorting things out. Making an appointment with a counselor is always hard especially if it is the first one. Trying is half the battle. Kudos on that.
     
  4. PenAndInk

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    I just worry that I was leading them on without meaning to, but I honestly didn't make any advances other than asking them to go to dinner or lunch, or to come watch a movie with my roommates and I. I like both of the girls I went on dates with. They're both cool people and I definitely want to be friends with them.

    And to compound things my wonderful gay guy roommate, keeps telling me that 2 meals and a movie, plus "talking" is the prerequisite for dating in college, which is fine and dandy for other people...I'm just different, and I know that. I'm hoping it will feel right when I meet someone I'm compatible with. Maybe talking to a counselor will help me figure out what I'm looking for.
     
  5. Lexington

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    >>>And to compound things my wonderful gay guy roommate, keeps telling me that 2 meals and a movie, plus "talking" is the prerequisite for dating in college...

    Really? Is that in the college handbook? Is it three dates to "serious", and five dates to "steady"? :slight_smile: You're dating if you say you're dating, and you ain't if you say you ain't. That's it.

    Lex