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Age Difference?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by XxToshixX, Oct 4, 2010.

  1. XxToshixX

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    Okay, soooo I met this rly amazing guy and after we got to really know eachother we decided to go out. We had never discussed out age and I assumed he was about 17 just by the way he looked. It turns out he's 23. But he also is rly sweet and nice and such and he doesnt want sex at all or anything like that. I don't mind his age ( I'm 16 ), but what are your guy's opinions on it?
     
  2. British Lad

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    that's is a bit on the far side, i would kept it a a friend ship level because thats a big gap
     
  3. Walolas

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    Seven years age difference doesn't seem too big if it went for the fact your ages are in the range where you mature so quickly in a short time. If you two were at least over 25 I would say there is no issue but with your ages as they are ATM I would suggest taking things slowly but go for it if both of you don't mind about the age issue.
     
  4. Lexington

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    Two things. One, check the age of consent laws in Michigan. I don't know what they are, but if you're on opposite ends of it, this simply can't happen. It'll be massively bad news for both of you. Secondly, if it's OK legally, feel free to start seeing him. But stay far away from the bedroom. Hang out in public, and keep your eyes peeled for any moves towards the physical. He might say he's not interested in sex, but he wouldn't be the first guy to make a move on a younger guy by saying that at the outset...

    Lex
     
  5. Just Adam

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    aslong as you genuinely care about each other and its legal then i say its fine, society just needs to get over itself...really oh my god a 7 year age gap oh i feel faint the depravity of it all >.>

    lex is right, go out but keep it no sexual for a while getting to know each other... if he really cares sex wont be a factor hell just want to be with you...
     
  6. BrettV

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    +1 to Lex.

    First off, I'd be weary of someone who says "he doesnt want sex at all or anything like that." I'm not saying he's being disingenuous, I'm just saying to be careful.

    Second, in the spirit of purposefully passing on correct information, I googled "Age of consent in Michigan" and, ironically, yahoo answers was the first result. The age of consent in Michigan is 16 unless the older person is an authority figure, in which case it is 18. There are some other potential facts that you should be aware of like the state's statutory rape laws, and especially the fact that anal and oral sex are illegal. Can someone please confirm the latter?

    That being said, I'd wait a few years to have sex. If he's still around, he was probably being genuine. You have many years ahead of you. I'd hate to have you rush into something and regret it later. Good luck.
     
  7. Lexington

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    >>>society just needs to get over itself...really oh my god a 7 year age gap oh i feel faint the depravity of it all

    The "depravity of it all" has to do with the fact that a 16-year-old simply doesn't have many of the life experience that older people generally have. They don't let 16-year-olds buy a car or sign a legal contract for precisely the same reason - if they could, they'd be prime candidates for someone unscrupulous to take advantage of them.

    Lex
     
  8. AlyssWonderland

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    I don't see the issue with it as long as the relationship is kept non-sexual, and you're mature enough to be in the relationship. I don't think age is an issue so much as maturity is... As long as the law is obeyed, of course. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Jiggles

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    My friend and his BF there is a 8 year gap. ones 18 and the other is 26! They are perfectly happy together. See nothing wrong.
     
  10. learning

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    For me I have to say the age gap is a problem. This is a person to person thing though which is why you see varying degrees of answers here. Some are concerned with laws, but don't really express any problems with the gap while others are all over the board. As a youngish male I have to say that the only reason I am interested in someone your age is because they have no experience with life and I can "break" them in. It's not for romantic reasons. I just want grade A fresh disease free ass. When I was 28 I popped a 16yr old girls cherry. I didn't lie about my intentions. I had no interest in a relationship. She was a very intelligent individual and very pretty. I just really had a hard on for her and I knew she would be tight. I checked the laws of the country I was living in at the time and found out I was in the clear so I went ahead with it. I don't have too much of a problem with that. I did feel like a sleazebag afterwards for a while. In your case, I don't think it's much of a problem either (I know, I said it was above. Let me explain). What you are going to find though is that if you do end up staying with him you are going to miss out on a lot that youth has to offer. He may be in a long term relationship mode....as in permanent. You should not be. You should be exploring. He might tie you down and you will regret it. Oh, and if he really has no interest in sex at all then he is either lying to you or something else is up. I just can't see someone wanting to date someone and having absolutely no sexual interest in them. Just my thoughts. I don't know all the details, but it's all for you to decide.
     
  11. malachite

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    what he said :thumbsup:
     
  12. Chip

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    It might be interesting (assuming you agree with Lex's advice) to make it clear up front that sex is off the table completely. I don't like to be cynical, but I'll lay money that if the guy knows there's no possibility of sex, his interest in you will suddenly evaporate. Sadly, many older/younger relationships seem to focus on the older guy wanting sex from the younger guy.

    If that isn't true in your case, then perhaps you can develop a wonderful friendship -- there are certainly people out there who just genuinely like to be friends with, or mentor others without ill intent -- but it's unfortunately not so common.

    In any case, I hope it works out in a way that's positive and pleasant for you :slight_smile:
     
  13. NoLeafClover

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    I had a similar experience. Same ages, but I'm the older one. He wanted to get something going, and I was saying no way. He even said he'd wait till he's 18 for me, which was cute, but I made sure he understood I wasn't making any promises lol...

    For the type of person I am, it would never happen while he was under the age, and I like to think it's based on the type of reasoning Lex used and expounded on a few posts back.
     
  14. FinallyOut22

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    I have been in this relatively same position and am in it now (in a way). When I was 20 my bf was 17 not that big of a age difference, but everything we did (sexually) was illegal at the time we did it. We recently broke up after a 2 year relationship. I am now 23 myself, and coincidentally lol this guy trying to talk to me is 17 lol... Myself, I feel uncomfortable with this,mainly because he wants sex. I have told him time after time I am fine taking him to the movies and dinner and etc.. but I will not have sex while he is under age. So it isn't the older guy who is always pressing the issue, so my advice to xxToshiaxx is if you are comfortable with this guy then be with him, but do not press the issue of sex (especially if he is fine not doing it). There isn't a reason you two can't just see how things go for a while then go from there. I have only been "out" since 9-10-2010 which was also my Birthday lol....1 thing I have noticed since being out (going to gay clubs and etc.) is that gay guys are the most sex crazed people in the world lol, everyone wants to "hook up" I am not that way and I am sure many of the younger guys are that I have met. So like I said xxToshiaxx just take it slow man and everything will work out.
     
  15. ChefJohnny

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    i just recently broke up with my bf of 6 years. When we met, he was 17 and I was 23. (In my defense, he lied about his age when we met. he said he was 19) I was hesitant because of the age difference, but I really started to fall in love with him. Everything was fine in the beginning since we both were all about partying and having fun. The age difference didn't really mean much. But eventually, meaning recently, I was starting to open a restaurant and he was still in school. We were on 2 totally different levels of life, and thats a whole lot harder to deal with than I thought. We loved each other dearly. He moved in with me when he was 18 (his decision) and we continued to live together until last week when I moved. We even moved to NYC together!

    With this experience, my advice is to think a bit further down the road. Everything may be rainbows & unicorns right now, but thats bound to change faster than you may think.

    - Johnny
     
    #15 ChefJohnny, Oct 5, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2010
  16. ArabMan

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    Enjoy your time with him, 7 years is not bad as long as you are at the same level. Take things slow though... Very slow...
     
  17. Beachboi92

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    I mean there are a few things to consider
    1) anything sexual is illegal till your 18
    2) Do you look older? him younger?

    if that is not the case and he has taken an interest in you it would be wise to be careful. Generally guys will go after men their own age when we are talking about people this young. If i where to tell my psychiatrist about being in a position like that she would probably have a hissy fit xD last time i did it was on the basis of this guy is likely lacking in maturity if he's going after younger guys and although it is nice to think that you are just that mature you do have to be realistic.

    Your 16 he is 23 it literally isn't physically possible to be at the same maturity level as him based on the fact that your brain doesn't fully develop till something like 25 and you haven't had any of the experiences he has. The key is making sure sex is really not any part of this equation. If he is willing to put you and him in this position, regardless of personal views it is still illegal and holds many chances to cause problems in actuality, then there is something wrong and i would advise against it.

    However if it really is something purely platonic that would be fine. Maybe at a later date something could come out of it that would be a little less dangerous xD